I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am!
 Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter (1850). copy citation

Context

“Canst thou deem it, Hester, a consolation, that I must stand up in my pulpit, and meet so many eyes turned upward to my face, as if the light[234] of heaven were beaming from it!—must see my flock hungry for the truth, and listening to my words as if a tongue of Pentecost were speaking!—and then look inward, and discern the black reality of what they idolize? I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am! And Satan laughs at it!»
«You wrong yourself in this,» said Hester, gently. «You have deeply and sorely repented. Your sin is left behind you, in the days long past. Your present life is not less holy, in very truth, than it seems in people's eyes.” source

Meaning and analysis

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