John Wilmot

“ This is the workhorse of the world's chief trade On this soft anvil all mankind was made. Come, 'tis a harmless thing, draw near, and try. You will desire no other death to die. PRICKETT:
Is't death, then? SWIVIA:
Aye, but such a pleasing pain That it straight tickles you to life again. PRICKETT:
I feel my spirits in an agony— SWIVIA:
These are the symptoms of lechery. Does not your prick stand, and your pulse beat fast? And you desire some unknown bliss to taste? ”

“ When each the well-look'd Linkboy strove t'enjoy;
And the best Kiss was the deciding Lot,
Whether the Boy Fuck'd you, or I the Boy.
With Tales like these, I will such thoughts inspire
As to important mischief shall incline;
I'll make him long some Ancient Church to fire,
And fear no lewdness he's call'd to by Wine.
Thus, Statesman-like, I'll saucily Impose,
And, safe from Action, valiantly Advise;
Shelter'd in Impotence, urge you to blows:
And being good for nothing else, be Wise. ”

“ They own it all, they swear and tear the ground, Protest they'll die in drinking of your health, And creep into the other world by stealth, Intending there among the gods to vie Their Sodom King with immortality. ”

“ And at first dash, to make an Ass begins:
"Pretends to like a Man who has not known
"The Vanities nor Vices of the Town.
"Fresh in his Youth, and faithful in his Love,
"Eager of Joys, which he does seldom prove:
"Healthful and Strong, he does no Pains indure,
"But what the Fair One he adores can cure.
"Grateful for Favours, does the Sex esteem,
"And Libels none for being kind to him:
"Then of the Lewdness of the Town complains,
"Rails at the Wits and Atheists, and maintains
"'Tis better than good Sence, than Power, than Wealth,
"To have alone untainted Youth, and Health. ”

“ I'll make them rub till prick and bollocks cry— 'You've frigged us out of immortality.'
[Enter FLUX]
BOLLOXIMIAN:
Man of philosophy, who pricks repairs, How chance so long thy counsels and thy cares Have been a stranger to our courts? FLUX:
Oh King, I have these ten days been a-simpling, Endeavouring with all my art to cure The crying pains your nation does endure. The heavy symptoms have infected all— I now may call it epidemical. The pricks are eaten off, the women's parts Are withered more than their despairing hearts. ”

“ Should be a Fool through Choice, not want of Wit:
Whose Foppery, without the help of Sence,
Could ne'r have rise to such an Excellence.
Nature's as lame in making a true Fop,
As a Philosopher the very top
And Dignity of Folly we attain ”

“ In what my power admits, your will I must obey. CUNTIGRATIA:
In the first place, give me a parting kiss, And next, my lord, the consequence of this— Once for a parting blow, once and no more. BUGGERANTHUS:
Could that have been I had obeyed before. Your menst'rous blood does all your veins supply With unexhausted lechery, whilst I Like a decrepit lecher, must retire, With prick too weak to act what I desire. ”

“ The solid Comforts of a Coxcombs life:
Dung-hill and Pease forsook, he comes to Town,
Turns Spark, learns to be lewd, and is undone.
Nothing sutes worse with Vice, than want of Sence,
Fools are still wicked at their own Expence. ”

“ By oft formenting, cunt so big doth swell, That pintle works like clappers in a bell: All vacuum. No grasping flesh doth guide Or hug the brawny muscles of its side, Tickling the nerves, the prepuce or glans, Which all mankind with great delight entrance. BORASTUS:
Nature to them but one poor way doth give, But man delights in various ways to swive. POCKENELLO:
How simple was the lechery of old, How full of shame, how feeble, and how cold. Confined to a formality of law— When wives their husbands' pintles never saw, But when their lust or duty made 'em draw. ”

“ Flux does allow That what like woman was, it makes like cow. POCKENELLO:
But fruitless cunts by frigging may be spoiled When they use dildos big as new-born child. [Enter TOOLY] TOOLY:
My liege, a stranger at your royal gate Does from Gomorrah for a message wait, Who forty striplings now does with him bring. BOLLOXIMIAN:
Oh, 'tis a present from our brother-king. Conduct him in. 'Twas very kindly done Of brother Tarsehole. This has saved my son. I love strange flesh. A man's prick cannot stand Within the limits of his own command, And I have fucked and buggered all the land. ”

“ Indeed, they're paltry ware. CUNTICULA:
Short dildos leave the pleasure half begun. CUNTIGRATIA:
Oh, how the General in my mind does run! Let's to the grotto for a while repair, And sing a bawdy song. ”

“ My passion, like a prodigal, did treat With all the choice variety of meat— And now the glutted lecher scorns to eat. [Exit] [Enter BOLLOXIMIAN, BORASTUS, POCKENELLO and TOOLY]
BOLLOXIMIAN:
Since I have buggered human arse I find Pintle to cunt is not so much inclined What though the lechery is dry, 'tis smart— And turkey's arse I love with all my heart: The lust in which those animals I see Does far exceed all human lechery. Their cunts by use improve their influence Whilst ours grow void of pleasure and of sense. ”

“ Such women ought to live, pray find her out. She shall a pintle have, both stiff and stout. Bollocks shall hourly by her cunt be sucked, She shall be daily by all nations fucked. Industrious cunts should never pintle want— She shall be mistress to my elephant. BUGGERANTHUS:
Your honour's matchless! BOLLOXIMIAN:
I'll do't. Let her swive! I will encourage virtue while I live. POCKENELLO:
Were Officina here she would aver The title of Grand Cunt belonged to her. With ease you may thrust in your double-fist. BUGGERANTHUS:
She has as good a cunt as ever pissed. ”

“ That tyrrany does much augment my grief, I can command all but my cunt's relief. My courses have been stopped with grief and care. In all his pleasures I can have no share. OFFICINA:
These girls, I'll warrant you, have enough to spare. CUNTIGRATIA:
I am not jealous, but envy must Declare to all: your pleasures are unjust. Not that I would deprive your cunts of food. For you like me are women, flesh and blood. Yet youth nor beauty can your crimes excuse. FUCKADILLA:
What woman can a standing prick refuse? When love makes courtship, there it may command. ”

“ Those who my pleasure serve I must requite. Henceforth, Borastus, set the nation free. Let conscience have its force of liberty. I do proclaim, that buggery may be used O'er all the land, so cunt be not abused. ”

“ Now prick has done his worst, That bliss for which my cunt so long did stay, He gave to fancy, and 'tis thrown away. OFFICINA:
Thus 'tis, with lovers young and full of fire. Fruition is as forward as desire. They're apt to make their compliments before They come to see the keyhole of the door. Oh cursed imposter, quashed to perfect joy That does love's fruit before 'tis ripe destroy. The worst of tarses may well make such moan When the prick-maker cannot rule his own. ”

“ When pintle cannot gain new breath Resurrection is worse than death. ACTUS SECUNDUS [Six naked women and six naked men appear, and dance, the men doing obeisance to the women's cunts, kissing and touching them often, the women doing ceremonies to the men's pricks, kissing them, dandling their cods, etc., and so fall to fucking, after which the women sigh, and the men look simple and sneak off.] ”

“ May your most gracious cods and tarse be still As boundless in your pleasure as your will. May plentiful delights of cunt and arse Be never wanting to your royal tarse. May lust incite your prick with flame and sprite, Ever to fuck with safety and delight. ”

“ Let the last siege with this content be crowned, That which your prick has lost, my cunt has found. Your seed, sir (with my pleasure) I will own Was in my cunt so plentifully thrown That had all mankind—whose pintles I adore— With well-filled bollocks swived me o'er and o'er— None could in nature have obliged me more. BUGGERANTHUS:
If kings are gods on earth, their queens may claim Of goddesses an unusurped name. ”