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“ My dear—— The kitchen is so universally despised in the matter of wedding presents—albeit of primary importance in the arduous career of housekeeping, upon which your young and amiable partner is about to enter—that I make no excuse for sending you these pieces of Brompton argenterie. May your establishment exist to wear them out. ”

“ Johnson is so very imperfectly acquainted with the nature and derivation of the English language—and in that respect his ‘Dictionary' how valuable soever it may be on account of his explanation and use of English words, is beneath contempt, there being scarcely ten words properly deduced in the whole work—that it is no wonder to find him making ninnekin and minx the same word. ”

“ To tell the truth, I have a firm conviction that real, bona fide self-conceit is a very much rarer quality than is generally supposed, and that thousands of people who are credited with a remarkably good opinion of themselves are poor humbugs, trying to impose upon their neighbours—endeavouring to pass themselves off as gold, but perfectly aware that they have not got the Hall-mark. ”

“ Then indeed we might, doubtless, fashion our outward appearance in a manner more likely to please the public; and though we might not correct our vices, we should learn to conceal them better. A good actor has been known, by earnest study, and constant repetition of his part, so to identify himself with it, as in a manner to look upon the character he represented as a real being. ”

“ But as for the real man, if any power were to give others the gift of seeing him as he himself does, do you not think that he would probably hang himself? And yet, though everybody is conscious that the judgment of the world upon his own actions is shallow enough—that he gets too much praise for this, too much blame for that—we are always fancying that our insight into our neighbours' hearts is deeper than their own ”

“ And it is true enough, that people seem often to form an over-estimate of their own virtues and abilities. But this is from underrating those of others, either because they are stupid, and unable to appreciate them, or else because vanity and egotism blind their understandings. But they know their own positive demerits well enough; it is with regard to their relative value that they make mistakes. ”

“ From the clergy, the topic naturally turned to superstition; and M. D’Alembert, who is very entertaining, mentioned an instance of the power of this passion on the human mind. He said that, ‘ in a church in Paris, there was a votive altar consecrated to the Virgin by an opera dancer, who, from being a very moderate performer in the chorus dances, attained on a sudden the excellence of the most celebrated man at that time on the stage. This performer, whose agility was not equal to his ambition, heard with envy every applause of the favourite of the public ”

“ Another clever little dodge we have is, to insist upon the enormity of the bad qualities which are conspicuous in our neighbours, when we ourselves happen to be pretty free from them; compounding—
“For sins that we’re inclined to,
By damning those we have no mind to.”
Selfish extravagant people are never tired of declaiming against the meanness of par simony; and the miserly will bore you to death with sermons against extravagance. ”

“ Our contemporaries have of late years been impressing on the public the expediency of rendering the endowments of the two sister Universities more generally useful, by enlarging their sphere so as to embrace the poorer classes of students and scientific men without their own pale. ”

“ It is really too bad of you, Mr. Gladstone. Verily, popularity is a fleeting glory—even for the greatest amongst us!
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The following letter, addressed to me by the late Albert Smith—a “ fellow of infinite jest,” too soon forgotten—may have an interest for the readers of ONCE A WEEK. I was occupying a cottage at Chertsey—his native place—for my honeymoon, when I received it and, at the same time, a set of kitchen cruets, made of pewter, as a wedding present. ”

“ As in the case pointed out by Pascal, where a man sacrifices his I life in defence of his honour. Here he seems to put less value on himself than on the phantom which he has presented to the world as being him, and which he has deceived even himself into thinking a real personage. ”

“ For instance, in the almanac of the Royal Insurance Company for the new year, interesting notes are made of all great fires which have occurred at various times, not only in this country, but in different parts of the world. Will not such a list of casualties make people insure? ”

“ Let me give you a little 'Handbook of Chertsey.' It is a market town (Wednesday) on the Thames, S.W. of London nineteen miles, in Surrey (Hundred of Godley) ; a polling place for W. Surrey, four fairs a-year, county court, petty sessions, and celebrated as the birthplace of the great Albert Smith. This illustrious man was born on the top-floor front of the house opposite the church, next to Mr. K.’s stationery shop. His brother Arthur also first saw light there. Crowds of pilgrims, from remote parts, daily assemble before the house and sing praises in his honour ”

“ Mr. D., the linen draper, offers peculiar advantages for young married people in the economy and durability of his wares: his ready-made doeskins are the talk of Staines, Weybridge, and Shepperton; and Mr. E., the coiffeur, is the Isidore of the town—he had the honour of first shaving Mr. Albert Smith. Dr. F. and Mr. G. divide the medical practice. Mr. G. had the honour of marrying Mr. Albert Smith’s sister, an amiable woman with seven children. She lives near the town hall, formerly the bank in old Mr. H.’s time— who had the honour of being Mr. Albert Smith’s godfather. ”

“ He is described as a man of quiet, modest demeanour, simple in his habits and dress, constant to his pew at church, but addicted to large parties and miscellaneous entertainments on fair Sabbath evenings, to the horror of the late Reverend Cotton, whom he objected to have his ears stuffed with. His brother Arthur, subsequently Chancellor of the Exchequer, passed his early days at the ‘ Stank Pitch,’ well known to fishermen between the bridge and the tumbling bay. The tradesmen of Chertsey are honest, intelligent people. ”

“ IT is extremely easy to get an introduction. There are still gentlemen and ladies who pursue the science—or shall we say the craft?—of mesmerism, though the subject has lost its popularity for the present ”

“ An old-established firm in Spitalfields complain, in the Times, that the managers of “The Post Office London Directory” have removed their names from the list of Archil and Cudbear Makers, in consequence of their refusal, on principle, to pay a I charge for insertion. There are many curiI ous trades in London; but few, we suspect, save the initiated, have heard of archil and cudbear makers before. ”