Ambrose Bierce

“ A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.
A king, in times long, long gone by, Said to his lazy jester: "If I were you and you were I My moments merrily would fly -- Nor care nor grief to pester." "The reason, Sire, that you would thrive," The fool said -- "if you'll hear it -- Is that of all the fools alive Who own you for their sovereign, I've The most forgiving spirit." Oogum Bem ”

“ Once a warrior gentle of birth, Then a person of civic worth, Now a fellow to move our mirth. Warrior, person, and fellow -- no more: We must knight our dogs to get any lower. Brave Knights Kennelers then shall be, Noble Knights of the Golden Flea, Knights of the Order of St. Steboy, Knights of St. Gorge and Sir Knights Jawy. God speed the day when this knighting fad Shall go to the dogs and the dogs go mad. ”

“ A malady that was formerly cured by the touch of the sovereign, but has now to be treated by the physicians. Thus 'the most pious Edward" of England used to lay his royal hand upon the ailing subjects and make them whole --
a crowd of wretched souls That stay his cure: their malady convinces The great essay of art ”