Bertram Smith

“ WAR DECLARATIONS.
"No, I don't mean that at all," said my wife hastily. "You quite misunderstand me. Of course everyone is to have as much, quite as much, food as he wants."
"Stop a bit. Does that mean as much as he likes?" ”

“ I asked.
"Or as much as his system requires?" suggested the Reverend Henry.
"Or as much as he can contain?" demanded Sinclair. "It may seem to be a fine point but I think we ought to have it cleared up."
The hostess resumed: "Everyone is to have as much as he likes, certainly. Of course he is. We are not going to be inhospitable. On the contrary, we are prepared to share our last crust. But there must be absolutely no waste."
There was a short pause. No one was inclined to demur to that proposition. The Reverend Henry alone had doubts. ”

“ It's too cold-blooded. Besides, I fluctuate like anything."
"Come on," said I. "You fellows are simply trying to shirk the thing. I declare two eggs, no bacon and three mushrooms, assuming an average size for mushrooms. One cup and a half of coffee. Three lumps in all."
"Well, that's a fairly good lead," said Sinclair. "I propose to double you on mushrooms and I should like to be put down for a kidney. What about you, Henry?"
"Nothing but one rasher of bacon, please," said Henry meekly. "I am never hungry in the morning and I have always wanted to know how much bacon there is in a rasher. ”