Dudley A. Bragdon

“ Glad to know you, Billy. I've heard a great deal of you from a customer of min."
"A customer! Who is he?"
"Nickel Plate the Polished Villain. He comes down here every once in a while to be plated."
"Nickel Plate!" cried Billy in alarm. "Why, he is my enemy."
"I know it," said the Coal Man; "but don't mind that; he's his own best friend."
"But if that's the case, aren't you going to harm me?"
"Certainly not. You can't do me any harm by telling the truth about my work. You will find that your only enemies are the people who know you will expose them as imitations." ”

“ No hope, no hope for Billy Bounce," said a voice.
"Is that Bumbus?" asked Billy.
"I be," said Bumbus, suddenly jumping onto the sill and trying to push Billy off. But "Swish!" Billy shot a blast of hot air from his pump full in Bumbus's face and down he dropped.
"Come on," cried Billy; "you can't frighten me."
"Your last chance," cried Nickel Plate. "Give up and I will save you."
"Never!" cried Billy.
And with that the battle commenced.
Oh! the countless slaps and cuffs and tweaks he got. My! the hideous din and noise of their cries. Ugh! the horrible faces they pushed right into his. ”

“ Billy was seated in a chair near the door when suddenly through the keyhole and above the hum of machinery came the sound of voices.
"We must get the note from him and prevent his seeing Bogie Man," said the voice of Bumbus.
"Yes," said Nickel Plate, "but I fear that so long as he lives he will be in our way."
"Throw him in the grinder," suggested Drone.
"Or boil him in a syrup vat," added Bumbus.
"Too sweet a death," said Nickel Plate. "Of one thing I am certain—he must die." ”

“ It was afternoon, and Billy was resting in the shade of the Singing Tree while Barker played about at his side. He was laughing softly to himself over his experience with Gehsundheit that morning. "He's a funny little fellow—calls himself a hero. Ha! ha! ha!"
"Woof, woof, woof!" said Barker, and Billy looked up just in time to see him rush madly at a man and try to bury his teeth in his leg. I say try, because if there was ever a surprised dog in all the world that dog was Barker. ”

“ This time Billy stood his ground and she took his hand in hers, saying sadly—
"Would thou wert not so fat, fair sir, else could I learn, ay! gladly learn to love you—but hold, villain—unhand me!" and she flung Billy's hand away from her and burst into sobs.
"Jack Frost," said Billy wildly, "for goodness sake pinch me—I don't know whether I'm asleep or crazy."
[189]
"Nay, nay—curfew shall not ring to-night," cried Sterry Optican, seizing Billy by his hair and dragging him up and down the room. While she did this the King and Jack Frost clapped their hands loudly and cried, "Bravo, bravo!" ”

“ This made Boreas furious, he stormed and howled and spluttered and beat Billy wildly on the chest, caught hold of him even and spun him round and round on the ice, but he couldn't knock him down nor lift him off his feet so long as Billy did not try to jump.
"You'll get out of breath if you keep that up much longer," said Billy, plucking up courage when he saw that Boreas could not really do him much damage. But it was a fatal speech, for with one loud yell Boreas leaped at Billy's face and tried to fasten his tongs in his nose. ”

“ I suppose you would say there was no reason to that."
"I certainly should," said Billy.
"And there you are wrong," answered Gammon; "there is a reason for all things, only some things have lost their reason."
"Now you've contradicted yourself," said Billy; "you just said that there was no reason about any of you."
"I have a perfect right to contradict myself—it's only rude to contradict other people."
"But which is correct?"
"Both."
"How can they both be correct?"
"I don't know, but they are—but my, my, we're wasting time—we've got to dispose of you before morning." ”

“ Gammon had perched himself again on Billy's chest.
"Why don't you get up and go to Bogie Man?" he laughed, trying to poke his fingers in Billy's eye.
"I can't, I'm tied," said Billy.
"Time and tide wait for no man," said Gammon; "of course you're not time but you're tied."
"I don't see why everybody tries to keep me from seeing Bogie Man," said Billy. ”

“ The first touch of the wind blew out the candle, and at the same moment the sulphur ball indoors burst and disappeared. So Billy sat there in the dark, his back to the window and in front of him countless thousands of bitter enemies—Banshees, Wraiths, Ghosts, Sprites, Imps, riding on Crimson Devil's Horses—all the weird and wicked things that claim Bogie Man as their King. ”

“ Such a wonderful sight as met Billy's gaze! A deep red glow was over everything, growing lighter and duller every few moments as the stokers would open a furnace door, shovel in some coal, and slam the door to again. ”

“ And Billy allowed himself to be dragged along for fear that if he refused further, Jack Frost would think of something colder to give him.
"Are you allowed to enter the palace whenever you wish?" asked Billy.
"I don't have to wish—I just go in."
"Who lives here?"
"The Calcium King and his daughter Sterry Optican: she's an actress."
"An actress?" exclaimed Billy.
"Yes—she's a cold, proud beauty—but the King rules us with a light hand—here we are," and Jack Frost led Billy through the Ice Palace gates. ”

“ Why, Bogie Man is a monster."
"Yes, oh Queen," said Bogie Man, humbly, "I used to was. Everybody thought I was a terrible fellow, but now that Billy Bounce has discovered me I'm a broken old man who wouldn't hurt a fly unless it woke me too early in the morning."
"Brave Billy Bounce," whispered Honey Girl.
"What he says is true," said Billy, and then added modestly, "but I am not brave, I just somehow guessed that bad things and the unseen things that people fear are mostly nothing at all when a fellow faces them." ”

“ Taking one of Billy's trouser legs in each hand, Mr. Gas gave a quick jerk and Billy found himself standing on his feet with the rubber suit inside of his uniform.
"There," said Mr. Gas, "that's done—the next thing is to blow you up."
"Oh! Mr. Gas, please don't do that," said Billy, thinking of gunpowder and things.
"With a hot air pump—stand quiet," chug-chug-ff-chug-ff-squee-e went the pump and there stood Billy like a great round butter ball. ”

“ Billy did as he was told with a sinking heart. Everything seemed so changed by the Regiment of Blues. The sun had gone under a cloud, the wind whistled dismally, a frog croaked in a nearby pond, and all together Billy came near to wanting to use his handkerchief in earnest.
"So you think you are going to see Bogie Man."
"Yes, sir, I am."
"You're not, as sure as my name is Colonel Solemncholly."
"Excuse me, but I am," said Billy staunchly.
"I knew it, I knew it," said the Colonel, sadly. "He is too fat to give up easily—goodness, how I hate fat people—they laugh."
"Don't you ever laugh, sir?" ”

“ With one bound he reached it, threw it open and was off down the corridor headed for the front door, which he saw dimly outlined at the farthest end. Behind him shrieked the Imps and Sprites, filling the house with their wild, weird cries. The foremost Imp was clutching at his hair, and had almost caught him when he reached the door, flung it open, jumped through, and crashed it to again just in time to catch the Imp fast, half in and half out. "Bing!" and Billy had taken such a leap up into the air as he had never taken before. ”

“ Then turning to Billy he whispered, "Leave him to me; I'll give him a good talking to."
"That's all you can do," said Billy desperately—"talk, talk, talk! I don't want words, I want help."
"Come down, come down. Oh! why be so obstinate?" cried the Eel, lashing the water.
"Gentlemen," said Umberufen, sticking one hand in the breast of his coat and bowing very low—almost too low, for just at that moment the plank twisted and he came very near going overboard—"gentlemen, you are doing very, very wrong."
"Bravo!" cried the Sea Urchin, "thank you for the compliment." ”

“ Gas, but I'm really in very serious trouble," said Billy, with a sigh.
Mr. Gas smiled. "I might have known you didn't know the way to Bogie Man's house."
"Why," said Billy, in surprise, "how did you know—"
"Gift horses can't be choosers, which means, don't ask any questions," said Mr. Gas, pinching Billy's ear; "but come along to my house, and I'll help you."
"Now," said Mr. Gas, when they had entered the shop where he made all the toy balloons for all the little boys and girls in all the world, "be careful not to sit on the ceiling, because if you do you'll burst some of my balloons." ”

“ Every winter I howl and whistle my way around the world, and the way I make the branches creak and the windows rattle through the long, dark nights is a caution. Why, even Bogie Man says that next to him I'm the greatest frightener in the world."
"I don't care, I'm not afraid of you," said Billy. Which, I fear, was not quite the exact truth, for he didn't feel very easy when he looked at Boreas' long, sparkling white teeth and his tousled gray head and beard.
"Nor am I, even though you have got a [175] corner on the ice market," said Fuzzy White, "for really you know you are an ice man." ”

“ Billy shut his lips tight and walked along with a sinking heart.
"Isn't he a sulky brat?" said Little Bug Bear, "pouting along and not saying a word."
"But you told me to stop talking," said Billy.
"Don't be impertinent," said Big Bug Bear, shaking him. "If you can't speak politely to your elders you needn't speak at all."
My, my, how Billy did hate the Bug Bears for that! Pinching and beating, anything he had been through could not have hurt him worse [147] than this treatment. ”

“ Thoughts never hurt any one but their thinkers."
"That is too deep for me," said Billy.
"There it is," said Mumbledy Peg in disgust, "when I do say something sensible, you don't understand me."
"Then you won't help me to find Bogie Man?"
"Not an inch, and I will say further that if all our leading citizens had not left for Mars in search of work, you wouldn't be alive in this town for three minutes."
"I'm not trying to harm you," said Billy. ”

“ Billy laughed. "Sit on the ceiling; why, how could I?"
[18]
"Wait and see," said Mr. Gas; "nothing is impossible to your Fairy Godfather."
"Are you my Fairy Godfather?" asked Billy, opening his eyes very, very wide.
"On Sundays and week days I am; the rest of the time I'm not."
"But what other days are there?" said Billy.
"Strong days of course. I thought you knew Geography," said Mr. Gas huffily.
"Yes, sir, I suppose so," said Billy afraid to ask any more questions.
"Now then, put on this suit," said the balloon maker, producing what looked like a big rubber bag. ”

“ Then he called aloud in a weird voice: "Spooks, Spirits, Ghosts, Wraiths, Banshees, and all, come quick—here is Billy Bounce in Spookville."
With a rattle of chains, screams, groans, and a thousand odd and terrible sounds, the inhabitants of the village swooped down on them.
For a few moments Billy was absolutely frozen stiff with fear, and when he looked around him at the horrible shapes and faces [219] that surrounded him he was worse frightened than ever. Some of them breathed fire and steam while their eyes glowed like red-hot coals. ”

“ Bumbus pulled and Drone pushed, and although the latter went to sleep three or four times before they got out of the room, Billy finally found himself in the main factory where Nickel Plate was directing some workmen in taking the lid off of a vat.
"Ah, ha!" said Nickel Plate when he saw Billy. "Now, boy, I will give you a last chance—promise that you will give up all search for Bogie Man and return the note to me and we will free you, otherwise——"
"It will be a case of boil instead of freeze," interrupted Bumbus.
"Then boil!" cried Billy. "I must do my duty while I live." ”

“ General Merchandise, could you put him on your Police Force?"
"Certainly," said the General.
"Good," said Billy. "That settles a life job on Bumbus. And now for Drone."
"I don't have to go to work, do I?" whined Drone.
"Indeed you do, and I'm going to get you a position as a truckman among the Bee workers."
"Then I wouldn't be a Drone," whimpered he.
[278]
"Exactly," said Billy. "There is no room in this world for Drones. General, let some of your soldiers give him a shave, a bath, a square meal, some respectable clothes, and put him to work." ”

“ I sneezed."
"It vas not a real sneeze, so the real Gehsundheit could not come—good-by," and slowly the form faded away.
"Well! what do you think of that?" exclaimed Billy as the last of Gehsundheit vanished into thin air.
"I never think," said Bumbus, suddenly opening the door. "Why waste time in thought when thoughtlessness makes more trouble than villainy?" ”

“ Corporal Punishment's whip was circling in the air preparatory to coming down on Billy's head, and Private Tear was getting ready to put his handkerchief over his eyes when Billy laughed. It wasn't because he felt like laughing at all, but because Barker in snuggling closer to him had tickled him in the ribs.
[45]
"Look out, he's armed!" cried Colonel Solemncholly, Corporal Punishment and Private Tear in one breath. ”

“ He softly picked it up and made a mark on Nickel Plate's back. Sure enough it made a long black streak.
"Good," he exclaimed under his breath. "If I put a lot of black marks on his back it will not only destroy his power, but everyone who sees them will know that he is a villain. I know that black marks were what teachers used to give us to show that our deportment wasn't good," and in a jiffy Billy had covered Nickel Plate's back with black marks. ”

“ I think it's very funny."
"Oh! is that funny?" asked the Hermit.
"Of course."
"Then that's the reason it doesn't make me laugh. When I was a boy I broke my humerus and had to have my funny bone extracted, so I can't see anything funny."
"Poor fellow!" said Billy sympathetically. "What town is that over there?"
"Mirage town," said the Hermit; "but you can't reach it unless you fly."
"Why not?"
"It's built in the sky."
"In the sky? Is it on the road to Bogie Man's house?"
"Are you seeking Bogie Man? Oh, me! oh, my! Don't tell me you are seeking him."
"But I am," said Billy; "why not?" ”

“ It made Billy angry to have his word doubted, especially when there was Barker to prove them true.
"Ridiculous," said Ne'er Do Eel. "How can we help seeing everything in the sea? He who sees seas sees everything in season." ”

“ Plump, and Billy was on the ground. Before him stood a city. This seemed strange, for he knew he hadn't seen it until his feet touched Mother Earth.
[23]
"Excuse me, sir," said Billy, to a tall, thin, rusty coated man who was looking intently at the heavens through a long hollow tube open at both ends.
"Oh! you're here, are you?" said the man, lowering the tube and looking at Billy. "I've been waiting for you to come down."
"Yes, sir," said Billy; "excuse me, but what city is this?"
"Shamville. So you are a meteor."
"No, sir, I'm a messenger," said Billy. ”

“ My, my, my, how furious this made Boreas. He raged and tore around and above Billy and Fuzzy White, but they lay close to the ground, and though he gave them some pretty hard kicks, he could not budge them.
"If he keeps this up, he will tire himself out," laughed Fuzzy to Billy. "He's getting to be a pretty old man for such violent exercise, and the first thing he knows his wind will give out." ”

“ And as Bug Bears keep people from succeeding in everything they attempt, you will never succeed in finding Bogie Man. There now you have it, and I hope you will stay quiet."
"Oh! but that will be terrible," said Billy.
"Of course it will, but we don't care; be still," growled the Photographer.
"Big Bug Bear, move your right hand a little more to the left, please—that's better—now look unpleasant—good." At this Big Bug Bear opened his mouth very wide and showed his teeth—when plump, one of his teeth, which must have been very loose, fell out of his mouth and squashed on the floor. ”

“ I don't know him."
"He's a cowardly ruffian, the tool of Nickel Plate."
"A sort of Nickel Plated tool," said Billy, laughing.
"I suppose so," said Snawksnaw seriously, missing the joke. "And worst of all their fair but false accomplice Glucose, possessing a beautiful face to look upon, but with the crafty, crawling, venomous wiles of the serpent."
"I've heard of Glucose," said Billy; "she is the one they tried to put in Honey Girl's place at the Bee Palace."
"Ah-ha!" cried Snawksnaw, "a case of abduction—but I will foil them—it shall be my greatest shadow. ”