George A. Birmingham

“ The worst of it is that the other girl tells us he's a very hard young man to get rid of, and that, now he has Annie promised to him, it's likely he'll stick to her. Annie says that, if he does, she'll marry him if it breaks her heart, rather than go back on her word, for she thinks he's really fond of her, though that's nonsense, of course. You may be able to help us. If he can't sell any of the appliances he may be willing to give up Annie. That's the only hope I see of getting out of the engagement ”

“ He's away from home to-day at a fair; so I'll give you a letter to Mrs. Glynn, telling her that a portable Turkish bath is the exact thing her husband really wants. If you have the nerve to rush her into buying one before Thady gets back, I'll take all the blame afterwards. I've had it in for Thady Glynn ever since the time he went for me about the band at the Sports, and I don't in the least mind helping you to swindle him out of thirty bob."
"What about the other things?" persisted Augustus. "Isn't there anybody who would buy a home exerciser? ”

“ If you like to try the colonel with a home exerciser you can. I'll give you his address. He's a well-off man who wouldn't feel the 17s. 6d. The 10 per cent, which would come to something with a halfpenny in it, as well as I can make out, you can keep to buy furniture when you set up house with Annie. While you're at it, you may as well call on Father Henaghan and see if he'd take an electric belt. ”

“ Glynn, "that it was methylated spirits had a right to be put in, but we'd run out of them on account of the way Lizzie does be taking them out of the shop for curling her hair, and I thought a drop of paraffin oil would do as well."
"That's it," said the doctor. "It's lamp-black that's the matter with the man. Go home and tell him to take an ordinary bath with a jampot full of soft soap beside him. ”

“ Annie encloses a note from herself, but I dare say there's nothing in it except foolishness.—Your affectionate aunt, {{Eliza'"|2em}}
Annie's letter was much longer than her mother's. She wrote with considerable enthusiasm about the personal charm, moral superiority, intellectual force, and general desirableness of Augustus Jetty, and ended her letter with a formal threat—
"And now, George, if you don't do your best for Augustus and sell a lot of his things to all your patients, I'll never speak to you again as long as I live, and you wouldn't like that. ”

“ Jacobs has a black eye and won't be fit to appear in the dining-room for the next week. The cook's given notice."
"I don't see what can possibly have gone wrong," said the doctor, "unless you bought the twenty-five shilling sort, with the patent springs. You can't trust a patent spring." ”

“ In any case, I'll call round to-morrow and warn him not to use it. The only other people who could possibly buy anything are the Jacksons, and I wouldn't like to stick them for more than a massage brush. ”