Guy Wetmore Carryl

“ Whenever I see a man in a strange crowd, it reminds me of society’s phrase at parting — ‘I’ve enjoyed myself immensely!’ It has the distinction of being the only polite remark which has any claim upon veracity. ”

“ Usually, one hasn’t enjoyed anything else! Of course, for the moment, you feel like a brook-trout in salt water. But it’s a crowd that I think you’ll like, when the grossly overestimated element of novelty wears off. ”

“ It’s all to go to my wife! Why, the very thought’s enough to keep any woman from marryin’ me. Oh, my dear Radwalader, I mourn my find, I do indeed.”
“But about the apartment?” suggested Radwalader.
“Oh! Well, all I can say, Mr. Vane, is that I’m sure you’ll be comfortable. It’s a modest box, at best; but it suits me, and will probably suit you. ‘Man wants but little here below’ — a bath, sunlight, a good bed, and cleanliness — that’s all. ”

“ Mr. Thomas Radwalader occupied a rez de chaussée on the Rue de Villejust, which differed from the ordinary run of Paris apartments in that its doorway gave directly on the street, independent of the loge de concierge, and, what was more important, of the concierges themselves. Yet the latter held that Radwalader was a gentleman of becomingly regular habits. He kept one servant, a bonne on the objectively safe side of fifty, who cooked and marketed for him; maintained, throughout his quarters, a neatness which would have put the proverbial pin to shame ”

“ Beside him, leaning over the music, is Lister. He’s a would-be playwright, with a mother who has gained the nickname of the ‘Jail-breaker,’ because she never finishes a sentence. You’ll meet her some day and be amused. To the left is Rafferty — who’s popular because, just now, brogue happens to rhyme with vogue. Then, Clavercil. He thinks he’s not understood, without realizing that his sole ground for dissatisfaction lies in the fact that he is. ”

“ We all pose over here. You will, yourself, if you stay long enough. It’s as contagious as smallpox. And, by the way, I was talking with Peake about you only yesterday. He’s going to the States next week, and wants to find some one to occupy his apartment while he’s away. If you’re not thinking of remaining at the Ritz, you couldn’t do better than to take it. It’s a charming little place, on the Rue Boissière, near the Place d’Iéna, perfectly furnished, and with a balcony and bath. Of course, the rent’s no object to him. All he wants is some one to keep it aired and clean. ”

“ He gets his pin-money from his wife, and a prick of the pin goes with every franc. Norrich is on the staff of the Paris Herald. Peake, like Clavercil, is simply the disbursing agent of an inherited fortune.”
Radwalader paused, lighted a cigarette, and smiled at Andrew frankly.
“Finis!” he said. “Do you think me very uncharitable? I hope not. It seems so much better to get men’s bad qualities out of the way and done with at the start, and then to find out their good points, one by one, in a succession of pleasant surprises. It’s a crowd you’ll like, when once you get the point of view. ”

“ Vane,” said Peake. “I’ve always maintained that a man of my tastes had no business in the States; but it seems I have, after all. I think I told you, Radwalader — my late, lamented Aunt Esther, you know. ”

“ He leered defiantly at it, mixed himself a stiff drink of cheap brandy and water, and forthwith applied himself to his toilet.
Seeing the result which he presently achieved, one perceived him to be a man of a certain ability under crushing limitations. With a broken comb, a well-worn brush, which he applied, with admirable impartiality, to both his hair and his coat, a morsel of soap, and some cold water, Monsieur Vicot accomplished what was little short of a miracle; and when, a half-hour later, he emerged upon the Rue St. ”

“ He’s a fool, pure and simple, who inherited a fortune from his uncle — a bully old chap who never made a mistake in his life, and only the one I have mentioned, in his death. Next, Wisby — who paints things as they are not, and will be famous when the public gets educated down to him. The man helping himself to whiskey is Berrith. ”