Mrs. Hubback

“ Maurice, you need not pity me very much. One can not live on earth for ever, and to die for duty has been my first wish.”
“Hepburn, I must go home with you.”
“Maurice, you must not! you can not! there is your profession!”
“I don’t care, I will renounce it—quit the service—give up any thing to be of use to you.”
“Madness—think of your sisters; you know they look to you for help—of your honor! your prospects in life! would you give up all, and do me no good? I will not hear of it.”
“What steps shall you take?” said Maurice, resolved, yet unwilling to dispute the topic. ”

“ I despise myself, but I do not know how to mend it. I have waked up to a sense that there ought to be reality in life, but know not how to find or make it.”
“Take one duty at a time, and conquer that; give yourself one good rule, and act upon it; do not look at every thing at once, or you are bewildered by what is before you. One takes the problems of Euclid, one by one, and learns them all; without a gradual advance, or beginning at the simplest, how could we get on?”
“If I only had some one to guide and teach me always; some one like Hilary, who could keep me right,” sighed Dora. ”

“ All will be right at last, and now I trust them entirely to the Will which can not err: yet not the less would I warn you, Hilary, of the care and discipline they need. Sybil is tender, loving, feeble, clinging for support to those around her; do not act for her, my love; make her feel her own responsibility, or the realities and cares of life will fall with a crushing force on her. Look at the clematis which garlands this lime—such is she; take away her support, and the long wreaths will droop and sink to the earth, and may be trampled by every careless foot. ”

“ Are you sure—but no, I have no right to doubt, to expect, to fancy even, that you returned my passion; but I may hope for the future; perhaps now you know my heart, you will pity me. Let me try to make you love me; give me leave to devote myself to that; if I might look forward to one day making you my wife; oh, Hilary, it is for you I have worked at ‘the Ferns,’ in the dear hope of placing you there, where, surrounded by all that could reward your virtue, and enhance your charms, I might see my idol the center of worship, the admiration of the neighborhood—let me hope. ”

“ Continued as it is, it can only make you discontented, miserable, unable to adopt any path in life. If you could but overcome and forget it!”
“And marry Mr. Ufford? Never!”
Hilary was silent again.
“I never thought to hear such words from you, Hilary,” continued Dora. “Have you no regard for honor and principle, that you advise me to marry without love? have you no affection left for Maurice that you bid me abandon him? none for me, that you desire me to perjure myself? Oh, shame, shame on you, Hilary! You do not deserve to be Maurice’s sister.” ”

“ I only said the appearance, dear Maurice; but why should she fear to own her love? You are not unworthy of it; noble birth, indeed, you have not, but, except that and money, you have every thing a man can want! Education, profession—why, Maurice, your profession has been followed by a king!—person, manners, temper, principles. Oh, what could Mr. Barham ask better; and you have no low connections—nothing to shock aristocratic prejudices; the son of a gentleman, and of an old, good family! Why should Dora fear to own you—to acknowledge her love? ”

“ I am, content, peaceful, happy, as one can be in this world, dear Dora.”
“But you have none to love you best,” said Dora.
“I have enough: you, Maurice, my sisters, and the children; I am rich in love, and loving hearts.”
“And do they satisfy you?”
“No, I should be sorry if they did. Nothing of this world can, in itself: it is only as it partakes of the nature of Heaven, that it can fill the soul. But, Dora, the one whom I loved best in this world is at peace, his longing for perfection is satisfied, his hunger for righteousness is filled now; no sorrow can touch him, no pain, no trouble more ”

“ Ah, Hilary!”
“Dear Dora! what can I say to you? do not go on with this; not for Maurice, not for his sake, but for your own. For your conscience, your honor, your virtue, do not risk all by such a fatal step. Think, pray—pray for strength, for light, for guidance, and stop before it is too late.”
“Pray! what, when about to do what is so wrong?” murmured Dora; “would such prayers be heard?”
“Yes; prayer to do better, to have grace to repent! prayer is always heard.” ”

“ I never leave you without wishing I were situated like you. Not too grand to be useful—living in a small house, instead of those fatiguing large rooms, which tire one to walk across; having a garden one could love and care for, instead of being merely allowed to look at papa’s gardener’s plants and shrubs; having to do things myself, instead of being always waited on; and oh, above all, having learned to despise the pomps and vanities of life, instead of all the time loving them in my heart, and feeling them necessary to my comfort.”
“She is only talking nonsense, Hilary,” interposed Isabel ”

“ Hilary laid down her pencil, and gazed abstractedly at the scene till the tears gathered in her eyes, and first blinded her sight, and then dropped on her sketch-book and blotted her drawing. Her companion saw it, and gently drew it away from under her hands, to which she passively submitted, hardly knowing what he did, and hoping to quiet her emotion more easily by keeping silence.
“The sunbeam may fade to-night,” whispered he, “but it will come again to-morrow, Miss Duncan; and we can sleep away the hours of darkness, with the hope of a brighter dawn.” ”

“ Nay, Dora, for both your sakes he must, and he will, too. Maurice will do his duty at any hazard, and the love he may not own, he will not nourish. He would endure any thing for you, and your good; and even that, the greatest suffering of all, the crushing of all hope, the renunciation of all claim on you, the extinction of his affection, he will bravely battle for, because he knows that all this is better for you; more truly, lastingly good for you, than the growth of a secret, a clandestine, and, therefore, a disgraceful attachment. He will fight, and he will conquer, too ”

“ Captain Hepburn, when you have twice mourned, as I have done, over the heart’s dearest treasure, you will learn perhaps, better I hope than I have learned the lesson, not to make a mortal’s life your idol; and to know that the Love which is above all other love, sees not as we see, judges not as we judge, but works always for our best and surest interests, even when it thwarts our weak and passionate desires here. We never know what is unfortunate or what is good for us, except the one thing, submissive trust. ”

“ No, you have done nothing to blame yourself for, dear Hilary. The past is gone—let it go. Hope for this world, and love, with its bright fancies, and all the youthful visions in which I once indulged, have been dissipated forever. Henceforth my life will be one of quiet devotion, and charitable exertion, and such other occupation as may suit a calm and contemplative existence. To marriage and all its attendant joys and sorrows, I have said farewell forever. For you and Nest, all my cares shall be; and my hopes shall be fixed on an immovable futurity. ”

“ Hilary cried quietly nearly the whole drive home; she could not help it. It was not only painful regret, or sorrow for the dead; but old thoughts had been revived, old feelings, buried happiness, vanished hopes, the gay visions of youth, all seemed suddenly awakened at this painful meeting. And it is an awful thing to stand by the bed of one whose wild passions, ungoverned temper, and wasted youth, have brought on disappointment and death, even though we may hope they have ended in true penitence and faith. We may hope, but we must tremble too! ”

“ I will not.”
“Yes. If it is not right to love, it matters little what he thinks of you, in comparison of doing right. Your duty is to conquer an improper, unauthorized affection, and the sooner the better.”
“But it is not improper; it is right to love as I do.”
“Then tell your father, Dora.”
“I dare not—he will not think it right.”
“Nay, then it is wrong.”
“Cruel, cruel Hilary!”
“I am sorry to seem so, dear Dora; but it appears to me so plain. There are but two things to do. Own your attachment and abide by the consequences; or conquer it, and give Maurice up entirely.” ”

“ Captain Hepburn was deeply affected. The thoughts of what Hilary was in that home, of her importance to her sisters, her indispensability to her father; of what it would be for them to lose the music of her voice, the sunshine of her smile; for that parent no more to feel the touch of those gentle hands, tending his infirmities with such indefatigable zeal; or to hear the light echo of her busy feet, as she passed by in her accustomed household duties: for all, to miss her in her usual seat, in her daily walks, from her place at church ”

“ The feelings which may be clothed in words of earth, and the love which can be depicted by mortal language, must be shallow, light, and transient at the best. Those to whom love is but a creature of the imagination, and sorrow a pleasant fiction, may delight in dressing their fancies in eloquent phrases, and in dwelling on scenes of ideal distress. But the heart which has felt the deep-stirrings of true, holy, devoted affection, and known all the sad and stern realities of grief, which ever in this world must flow from feeling, shrinks from portraying it as from sacrilege ”

“ Dora listened in profound silence, with rosy cheeks and downcast eyes, and fingers nervously playing with the tassel of the sofa cushion; but, in spite of her external quietness, there was the fiercest war in her heart. Love, anger, remorse, ambition, fear, doubt, vanity, all struggled there. To refuse at once, and without a reason, a suitor whom but just now she had visibly encouraged, was, she fancied, impossible; to assign the real cause of the reluctance, she could not but feel was more so still ”

“ Ah! the cold heart he had failed to touch with love, might yet be bent by sorrow; and though he could not make it his prize, he could, perchance, make it his victim!
He could wound her through another; and he would. No matter what it cost him, no one should say he was the mourning lover, victim to an unrequited affection. No! he would dash aside his love for her, forget it, trample on it if needs must; but he would have revenge. If there was one sentiment in the mind of Hilary, one affection which could rival her attachment to her husband, he knew it was her love for her brother ”

“ The autumn had found her a romantic and heart-broken girl; the spring left her a sober, thoughtful, and yet cheerfully-active woman.
One day very early in the spring, before Gwyneth’s eyes had yet lost their languor, her cheeks the pallid hue of sickness, and her attenuated figure had acquired its former elasticity and vigor, they had a visitor at their house, who, of all their former acquaintance, they perhaps least expected to see again. This was no other than Lord Dunsmore, who, instead of dying in Italy, as his friends had anticipated, had entirely recovered and returned to England. ”

“ Hilary, I was deceived in him and in her. She has been treacherous, and he was—ah, I can not tell you what he was to me. I thought him all but perfect, and now—” she hid her face again.
“He has much which might have been good in him,” said Hilary, gravely; “much which steady principle would have brought to rich fruit; but his character is marred by his visionary turn of mind; his want of practical, hard-working earnestness, and, too, his high thoughts of himself. He spends his life in dreams of good, and disgust at the faults of others. ”

“ Hilary again kissed and soothed her, and spoke soft words of sisterly tenderness, and did not try to argue or persuade, until Dora’s own vehemence exhausted itself, and she became calm. Then Hilary spoke of openness and truth, firmness and endurance, and tried to show her that there was no hope but in candor; and to convince her that her cowardice was wearing out her own feelings, and throwing away the happiness of one she said she loved so well. And her father, too, how could she reconcile her conduct with her duty to him? ”

“ M. de la Récaille shook his head, sighed, and announced there was no hope, no human probability of any cure; perfect rest might delay the result, agitation might expedite the evil; but come it must; total blindness, sooner or later, was inevitably impending.
Mr. Duncan heard it unmoved; he only drew Hilary’s hand closer to his heart, and said, in a cheerful voice,
“Then, my child, I must submit to be dependent on you for eyes; thank God, that I have still a daughter!” ”

“ No, I do not deserve your love; do not make yourself unhappy for a fellow like me, dearest, sweetest Dora! it is too good of you; I can never, never forget you! but think of me only as of a brother, as of one who would bring you nothing but good, not sorrow; think of me with kindness always, but not with sorrowful regret; think of me as one who loves you devotedly, passionately; I shall treasure your image in my heart, and dote upon it in my fancy, and in the lonely nightwatch, dwell on the recollection of your smile ”

“ Not quite to-morrow, unless Hilary is well first; and come when it will, it is a desperate struggle, Miss Barham, to leave all that is dearest and sweetest on earth for the chances of being tossed about, living among wild and careless companions, exposed to all manner of little trials and vexations, and no woman near to soothe one; no sweet sister to smile one into patience; no sister’s sweeter friend to bewitch one into forgetfulness. ”

“ Hilary, on the contrary, stood by, with her calm, serene eyes fixed on her sister with a quiet but heartfelt pleasure; a satisfaction springing from the very depths of the soul, at the hope that Gwyneth might, perchance, have one long, plentiful draught of that cup of happiness of which her own short taste had been so sweet. She knew the full luxury of loving and being beloved, and what was denied to herself she rejoiced in anticipating for another. ”

“ Dora pretends she does not like it, but she does really; and if she did not, one must make some sacrifices for duty.”
“Going to London for the season—that means going to be very gay, does it not?” said Sybil.
“Oh, yes, Sybil,” cried Dora, “it means turning night into day, and spending it in hot crowds, for whom one does not care the least portion of an atom; and employing all one’s energies, faculties, and time in dressing, dancing, or sleeping—oh dear!”
“Don’t be foolish, Dora; nobody likes company, or pretty clothes, better than you,” said Isabel. ”

“ Huyton himself, what excuse could be urged! Maurice had been his chosen friend; a hundred times had he made professions of regard, or declarations of esteem for him; and he knew, or, at least, he was strongly suspicious of this esteemed friend’s attachment to Dora Barham! It was not a violent affection which misled him, and blinded his eyes; Hilary believed him at the best, indifferent, regarding Dora; he had always rather despised her intellect, and slighted her charms; no! love for her was not his excuse: there was no love in that cruel letter which Hilary now held in her hands. ”

“ You know your father likes you to go into society, and is pleased when you are admired; and this, I have no doubt, is what makes you like it too. If nobody wished you to go out, I dare say you would be as quietly domestic as I am, Dora.”
“I do not know; I believe if any body I cared for wished me to stay at home, I should yield to them with delight. One comfort is, I know the London dissipation will make me ill, and then I shall be forced to be quiet.”
“That is an odd sort of comfort, Dora,” said Hilary, smiling; “one I can not wish for you!”
“It is her nonsense,” observed Isabel. ”

“ Think, Dora, if after such a life as my father’s, there was so much regret for misspent moments, such humble acknowledgment of unfulfilled duties, think what it would be to face our end, because we are too weak to suffer for the truth; what madness to call on death to save us from earthly fears, and dare to face our Judge, because we will not do our duty here, from dread of a fellow-creature’s censure! ”

“ He looked at her eyes glittering with tears, at the color varying in her cheeks, at the lips trembling with emotion, and he thought he had never in his life seen so interesting a picture of affection and sensibility.
“You think a great deal too much of what I did, Miss Duncan,” said he, when she paused; “I only wish I deserved your thanks. Maurice is as fine a fellow as ever lived, and one could not do too much for him; and now I see what his home is, and whose hearts and happiness were wrapped up in his welfare, I am doubly happy to have been of any use. ”

“ Huyton’s wealth will oblige the whole neighborhood to-morrow,” continued she; “but who will remember it as a favor three months hence? Oh, no, the obligations which wealth alone enables one to bestow can never be the most highly prized, or gratefully acknowledged.”
“I admit it; at least by those whose gratitude is worth having,” replied he, giving her one of those looks which she felt all over her, in every nerve; “the gratitude of the pure, unworldly, high-toned, tender heart, is very different in nature and quality from any which could count the cost of a favor by pounds and shillings. ”

“ He knew he had a rival to supplant, and it would have been but half a triumph to have had her accept him readily. More decided opposition would have been not unwelcome. But he knew her to be light and volatile; her sailor-lover’s feelings were of a firmer texture, and so were his sister’s also, and these were the hearts he sought to wound.
So the farce of that engagement was played out. He made love, and she listened and assented; and when Mr. Barham rejoined them they had exchanged promises of love and faith, while the heart of each, in secret, entirely belied these spoken words. ”

“ If there is the man in the world whose pleasure in his own success would not be enhanced by such considerations, let him triumph in his conscious stoicism. I do not believe that there is; some might plume themselves on their own superior fascinations, some might rejoice in the lady’s disinterested love; some might value themselves—some her the more for such knowledge, but satisfaction of one kind or other, I imagine, every one would feel. For the present, however, Captain Hepburn concealed this source of satisfaction with as much scrupulous care as Hilary herself ”

“ Imprudent, perhaps, but who can control the heart by prudence, Maurice; or prevent the growth of love, where there is sympathy and community of feeling? We can not either compel or forbid its existence, can we?” and Hilary blushed deeply, as she propounded a doctrine taught her by her late experience.
“I do not think that is right, Hilary,” replied her brother thoughtfully, considering his own circumstances, and not suspecting from what feelings she spoke. “I believe we ought to control all our passions; and if we have not the power, it must be that we have willfully thrown it away. ”

“ Beloved, excellent, adorable Hilary, you have an angel’s spirit in an angel form, but your strength, alas! is mortal, and well I know that rest and comfort for yourself will be your last thought, while your services of love are poured out on the helpless ones around you. May I tell you what is my dream, my vision of bliss? I fancy I see you all transported to ‘the Ferns,’ your younger sisters making joyous with their bright presence the dreary walls of the old house, and causing their empty chambers to echo to their merry voices ”

“ I do not believe that, Dora. We are not sent into this world to be the sport of our passions; and I am convinced that our natural affections need no more be fatal to us, than our necessary acts, such as eating and drinking. We may, by mismanagement, bring our bodies or our minds into such a state, that the things which should conduce to our health and happiness, may produce fatal consequences; but then who is to blame? Consider the end and object of this life; to prepare for a better, a peaceful, blissful state, where darkness, doubt, and distress can not come ”