Percy Keese Fitzhugh

“ Grace Bentley just blurted out; "it's too excruciating!"
I said, "Pee-wee, don't ever quote the handbook to me again. 'A scout is kind.' You have deliberately murdered that poor omelet. Don't ever say you don't believe in frightfulness." ”

“ We hauled him out and stood him up, saucepan and all. Even he had a tenderflop with a big bite out of it in one hand, and it was all covered with wet sawdust like some new kind of frosting. The crowd went crazy. I thought one of those trainmen would have a fit, he laughed so hard.
I said, "Never mind, Kid, you died for a good cause; only don't open your mouth, or you'll swallow about a quart of sawdust."
Oh, boy, it makes me laugh whenever I think of it. Westy had a headache from laughing. His mother said it was from eating tenderflops, but I was the one that heard him laugh. ”

“ I know one scout that does, anyway. What are we going to eat between now and next Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday?"
"We'll find a way," Pee-wee shouted. "Maybe they'll pick us up to-night, you can't tell. Anyway, I'm not going to be a quitter. Whenever I have to do anything I can always find a way. We can have a movie show, can't we? We can charge ten cents. We can have it to-night. You needn't sign my name to any telegrams."
"How can we have a movie show when there isn't any town here?" Westy wanted to know. ”

“ They flopped against shore about fifty feet from where they intended to land, and they giggled as if they thought it was a lot of fun.
"This boat reminds me of a balky horse," Pug Peters said.
"It reminds me of a pin wheel," I told her.
"Oh, you needn't talk," she said; "you started to go about five miles south and you landed eighty miles west—in your old car."
"Scouts aren't afraid of long distances," I told her; "they don't bother with little five-mile runs."
"Is he ready?" Grace Bentley asked.
"A scout is always ready," Westy told her; "that's his middle name." ”

“ The celebrated Boy Scout tenderflops! Flopped by the only original Boy Scout flopper! They're one cent each! Eat one and you'll never eat another—I mean you'll never eat anything else! O-o-o-o-oh! They're all red hot! The kind we eat around the camp-fire! Only one cent! None genuine unless stamped BE PREPARED! [208] The famous scout tenderflops! They melt in your mouth! They MELT in your MOUTH!"
"Good night!" I said to the fellows; "listen to him."
By that time I was frying them six at a clip, while Connie and Wig and Westy were passing them around on pieces of board and scooping in the money. ”

“ It was as good as a circus to see him.
"Go ahead, run," he said; "it won't do you any good. Sink this car in the lake if you want to. That'll just mean a longer time in jail. We should worry. You thought a boy scout didn't know how to hit back, didn't you? Let's see you start the machine. You're a couple of circus clowns, that's what you are. You ought to be a pair of villains in the movies. Head hurt much, Roy?"
"Not so bad now," I told him.
Gee whiz, those fellows didn't wait long. Before Westy was finished speaking they were off the car and headed into the woods. ”

“ I said, "Isn't this Flimdunk Siding? We're supposed to stay here until a train picks us up."
He said, "Yes, but this car has no business inside the fence; this is the old ice-house freight siding. They should have left you standing out near the main line."
I said, "Yes, but this car has something to say about it, too, and it wouldn't stop, so here we are. Don't blame us, blame the car. That's the way it is with railroads, they don't care about anybody's rights." ”

“ Don't you think Ridgeboro is a poky old place? We'll canoe over. We're camping over the holiday and we call our camp, Camp Smile Awhile. Isn't that just a peachy name?"
Connie said, "I should think a girls' camp ought to be named Camp Giggle a Lot." [56]
"Oh, aren't you perfectly terrible!" one of them said; "the idea! Is it ten cents to get in? Have you really got a railroad car of your very own? Oh, I think that's just simply scrumptious. I wish I were a boy."
"That's nothing," Pee-wee said; "we hike hundreds of miles. Once we got lost on a mountain—we didn't care. ”

“ You stand between those two tracks or on the platform of that car, and you're on the property of the United States Railroad Administration. I'm a lawyer and I'm telling you that. It's you that happens to be here, not these boys. Here's a crowd of people being fleeced—eating sandwiches that aren't fit to throw to a dog and drinking red lemonade that would die of shock if it saw a lemon. Twenty cents for a cup of coffee that they ought to pay me a dollar for drinking! Now you boys just climb aboard and let's see what you can do. You've got the American people in back of you. ”

“ Now I'll tell you about tenderflops, because I'm the only one that goes to Temple Camp who knows how to make them. I guess you know what a tenderfoot is; it's a new scout. He's supposed to be tender, see? So a tenderflop is a flip-flop that's named after a tenderfoot, because it's supposed to be tender. There are no such things as tough scouts, so of course, there can't be any such things as tough tenderflops. That's what you call logic.
Now the way that you make tenderflops is with flour and salt and water and cinnamon. You can use eggs if you want to, but you don't have to. ”

“ Connie said.
"That's a very good idea," I told him; "suppose one should."
Westy was sitting up on the top step and he said, "Oh, Sister Anne, Sister Anne, I think I can see one scooting along through the woods, the other side of the lake."
"Let it scoot," I said; "the only way it can get past here is to do a couple of double flops like Pee-wee's omelet."
"It can't get around on account of the woods," Pee-wee said.
"Right the first time, as usual," I told him. "Over the top is the only way. I hope it's a high-grade car, because a low-grade car could never get over such a high place." ”

“ Westy said. "You'll only make it worse [111] for yourselves. Do you think that boy scouts are fools, just because you can hit one of them on the head and knock him out of your way? I've got two good snapshots of both of you and I hid the camera, and if you choked me, I wouldn't tell you where it is. See? That old Pierce-Arrow is here because it's here. See? And it's going to stay here, too. I just threw your spark plugs into the lake. If you hadn't been a couple of big fools you wouldn't have stepped inside this car. Steal a Pierce-Arrow! You make me laugh. ”

“ Pedro said, "The car has no right here, but you have a right in the car; you're part of the car, see? They can put the car off the grounds (if they know how) , but they can't put you out of the car. You can stay in your car and do anything you please in your car, and nobody can stop you. If they start the car they'll have to take the consequences."
"That's what you call technology," Pee-wee shouted; "it's a teckinality. [C] What do you say we give a movie show?" ”

“ We just sat there talking in the pitch dark.
"What good is the flashlight?" Connie asked us. "It won't show far enough and the battery [139] won't hold out for more than about a half an hour. I hear a train now."
No one said a word; just listened. "I heard that," Westy said; "it isn't a train."
"One is likely to crash into us any minute," Wig said; "I'd rather jump and be done with it—the suspense."
"Do you call that using your brains?" Pee-wee shouted. Gee whiz, when you come right down to it, I have to admit that kid is a bully little scout. ”

“ Westy Martin (he's in my patrol) said it would be a lot of fun for some of us to stay and come down in the car.
"I'll stay!" Pee-wee shouted.
"How about you?" Westy asked me.
I said: "We're going to have apple turnovers for dessert to-night, but I should worry, I'll stay."
Most of the fellows had to go home on account of their lessons, but I didn't have any lessons, because my teacher had to go to a lecture. That's the only thing I like about lectures. Westy always does his lessons right after school, before he goes out. Then in case he gets killed his lessons are done. He's a careful kid. ”

“ I said; "we've got nearly twenty dollars from the movie show. I've got Mr. Temple's fifty sealed up in an envelope; we're supposed to forget that. Guess I might as well keep the time table, hey?" [95]
"I bet it's fun living on the railroad," Wig said.
"I'd like to be a brakeman," Pee-wee shouted.
"That would be a good job for you," I told him; "you make so many breaks. I think you ought to be cook on a dining car."
"It's dangerous working on a railroad," Connie said; "lots of men lose their lives; sometimes they lose their hands or their fingers, too." ”

“ Mostly scouts don't care much about railroads, because they like the water and they like to hike. But anyway, that old car was friendly. Especially it seemed friendly on account of the sun going down and the day beginning to die and it getting cold. You can talk about boats and motorcycles and tents and leaf shelters and all those things, but anyway, none of them were as good as that [117] old car. And don't you forget, either, that it was Westy that saved it for us. If it hadn't been for him, it would have been in the lake.
He's one real scout, Westy is. ”

“ I came home on the Woolworth Special, that's the 5.10 train. On the train I met Mr. John Temple. He's the man that started Temple Camp. He lives in Bridgeboro and he owns a lot of railroads and things. Anyway, he did, only the government took them. He should worry, he's going to get them back. He's head of the bank, too. Gee, I hope nobody takes that away from him. I've got fifty-seven dollars in that bank. He used to be mad at the scouts, but then he found out that he was mistaken and he went off and built Temple Camp just out of spite to himself, kind of. Whenever he sees me he's awful nice. ”

“ Westy said.
"Sure," I said; "they would only be a nuisance."
"But I mean it," Connie said; "I heard that. If a man works on a railroad long enough he gets killed."
"If he lives long enough he dies," I said.
"There's a large percentage of mortality," Connie said.
"A large which of whatness?" I asked him; "stand up and speak clearly so all the class can hear."
"All right," he said; "it's true."
"It's all right if you have your private car," Wig said. "All you have to do is to sit back and take it easy." [96]
"Sure, if you're in your private car it's all right," Connie said. ”

“ The reason I shut the light off in such a hurry was because I didn't want them to know they were seen.
"Are they train robbers?" Pee-wee whispered to me. "Are they highwaymen?"
"They're high enough to be highwaymen," I told him.
"Maybe they're bandits, hey?" he said.
"I hope so, for your sake," I told him. "I hope they're a couple of pirates, but I guess they're only tramps. Come on, let's go down."
We dangled the movie apparatus down and the fellows took it in through the window. Then they came out on the platform and helped the kid and me down. That was a pretty hard job, believe me. ”

“ Westy said.
By now the car was slowing down and pretty soon it stopped right in front of a big dark thing—a kind of a building. If we'd have gone fifty feet more, we'd have bunked our nose right into it.
The trainman said, "That's the craziest old set of brakes I ever saw. You'll have to be contented to stay right here, that's all; twenty-three'll back in after you."
"Contented is our favorite nickname," I told him; "is this Flimdunk, with the fence around it? It's a good idea—the place can't run away. I hope they'll like us."
"Do you think we're intruding?" Westy said. ”

“ Mr. Ellsworth says that movies with thieves and robbers and pistols and things are no good. But if it hadn't been for that movie outfit, good night, where would we have been, I'd like to know? And where would those thieves have been?
Anyway, pretty soon the excitement was all over, except that Pee-wee kept things going. Nothing but an earthquake would stop him. It was pretty bright in our car on account of the headlight from the engine. We moved along so slowly that I guess I could walk just as fast. The fireman paid us a good visit. He was an awful nice fellow. ”

“ The only thing that could have awakened him would have been his own voice, only he doesn't talk in his sleep.
Pretty soon Wig said it was funny how Pee-Wee could fall asleep so easy and he guessed he'd just sprawl on one of the seats and think. Good night! but didn't he snore while he was thinking. All of a sudden Westy went sliding down to the floor and I dragged him up on the seat again. He was dead to the world.
"Believe me," I said to Connie; "what do you know about that? I'll laugh if that freight comes along and gives us a good bunk. Look at that [16] trio, will you?" ”

“ Connie called up to him and said, "Hey, Mister, have a heart and don't start anything." The engine just went, "pff, pff, pff," very slow. We could even feel the heat of it.
Somebody called out for us to get inside the car and stay there. A man went through our car with a red lantern and kept swinging it on the other platform. I could see men swinging red lights way in the back of the train, too. Some people on the train tried to get out, but the railroad men made them get on again. ”

“ Connie asked us.
"Can't you tell a village when you see one? It'll look like a young town," Westy said.
"The fireman didn't say anything about a town anyway," I told them; "he just said Flimdunk Siding."
"Maybe that man is swinging the lantern so the town can get off the track," Wig said; "anyhow, I bet something is going to happen."
It was pitch dark all around, except that the headlight of the locomotive made a long shaft like a searchlight 'way far ahead, and we could see the man walking along the track in that shaft, swinging his lantern. Our car was all bright, too. ”

“ You're in a robbers' den here, boys; they're all profiteers. You take a tip from me and stand on your rights." [194]
"Sure," I said, "and we'll stand on our car platform, too."
He said, "These fellows know your couplings are in bad shape and will have to be fixed before you're taken away. They know you'll be here all day at the shortest. Why, they're getting twenty cents for a glass of milk down yonder—it's awful. These people will corner the United States currency before the day's over."
Westy said, "But anyway, this car has no right here, we have to admit that." ”