Stephen Leacock

“ The walls of the bar-room are perforated in all directions with trap-doors. Through one of these drinks are passed into the back sitting-room. Through others drinks are passed into the passages. Drinks are also passed through the floor and through the ceiling. Drinks once passed never return. The Proprietor stands in the doorway of the bar. He weighs two hundred pounds. His face is immovable as putty. He is drunk. He has been drunk for twelve years. It makes no difference to him. Behind the bar stands the Bar-tender. ”

“ Beer and Eggs. . . . . . . 5 cents. Champagne. . . . . . . . 5 cents. Cigars . . . . . . . . . 5 cents. Cigars, extra fine . . . . . 5 cents. All calculations are made on this basis and are worked out to three places of decimals. ”