Urmuz

“ Ismail is made up of eyes, sideburns and gown and is very hard to obtain nowadays.
A while ago, it used to grow in the Botanical Garden but lately, thanks to the advances of modern science, it became possible to synthesize such a one chemically.
Ismail never walks alone. But it can be found around 5:30 in the morning, wandering in a zig-zag on A street, in the company of a badger to which he is strapped by means of a towline and which he eats at night, live and raw, after having first torn its ears off and then seasoned it with a bit of lemon juice... ”

“ Ismail breeds other badgers in a nursery at the bottom of a pit in Dobrogea, where he keeps them until they have turned 16 and have acquired shapely curves, at what time, sheltered from any legal liability, he shames them one by one and without remorse. ”

“ Ismail grants interviews too, but only at the top of the hill where the badger nursery is. Hundreds of job applicants, grants and firewood are first placed under an enormous lampshade where each is forced to sit on 4 eggs. Then, they are loaded in the city's garbage removal truck and transported with utmost velocity to Ismail's residence - at the top - by one of his friends, who also serves as salami, called Turnavitu. A strange character who, during the ascent, has the disgusting habit of asking the contenders to promise to engage in sex-mail, failing which he threatens to overturn them. ”