W. Pett Ridge

“ Stand just here now and sing well out, there's a good girl.
Good Girl (apologetically) . I've got the slightest touch of a cough, so that I'm not really what you'd call——
Manager. I don't want to hear your cough, missie; I want to hear your song. (To conductor) Now!
Conductor. Once more, sorr, I ask permission to remark
Manager (briskly) . And get ready at the back for that comic scene with the hansom cab. And be on hand for the chorus there, and (severely) not quite so much chow-row; if you please. I can't hear myself speak. Fire away, my good girl. Don't forget the American accent. ”

“ And now where's that comic scene with the hansom?
(Front of stage clears. Hansom drives on with comic man as horse in shafts. Horse stops and slaps shoulders with front leg for warmth.)
Second Comic Man (as driver, to Manager) . Let's see, what do I say first? Oh, I know.
Of all the fares that e'er I've had, this is the fairest.
(Looks through trap door.) Oh sweet one, my 'ome and true 'eart wilt thou sharest? Leading Lady (descending from cab with ill humour) . Heaven only knows how I shall get out of this confounded cab. ”

“ Lots of boys lobbed into the profession by mistake, and then take it upon themselves to order people about like so many—— (To conductor resignedly.) Now when you're quite ready perhaps you'll start the music, or must I do your work as well as my own?
Conductor. We're waiting for you, madam, and if ye'll only give the worrud——
Leading Lady. Oh start, for goodness sake. Some of you musical chaps are all jaw. (Sings with restrained manner and some asperity.)
⁠"I'm the best of all the boys in town,
⁠I never am by chance cast down;
I'm a favourite one with all the chaps I know ”