Thomas Livingstone Mitchell

“ Sacked his Zenana to embrace a Bourke—
For such as thou I have no time to spare
You've left the land, and where, none know nor care
Stop where you are, 'twill be Australia's gain
Your pension pilfer, don't come back again. ”

“ Where you cannot find a Raymond with a head worth
⁠half-a-crown
In which opinion I can’t quite concur
No, wisest mortals are least apt to err
Yet, for that head, should my desires incline
In bran new tile, I’d offer four-and-nine.—
⁠Mid such a motley mass of parvenus,
The scourges puzzled where the last lash to use—
Legion, the name of this besotted race
May Charon waft each to his proper place,—
The learned Magnates of the City Bench
Who live on crime, in atmosphere of stench
As Dowlan Leary—shall I call the main?
By Jove ’tis Nick—don’t envy them their gain. ”

“ Curs, caitiffs, cuifs, a byeword and a scorn.—
’Tis true some read, some write, or drink or swear
All barter justice, where all tip is fair
The master grinds the man—’tis snob prevails
E’en Jilks would fail to regalate the scales.—
Homage to beauty and to talent’s due
From Irish Judges and Attorney’s too,
Whether on stage or at drop scene they act
More pride of place were meet (a stubborn fact)
Than panegyric pen at any price,
Or keep a hostile for a cantatrice.——
Pronounced just as you please, but it will rhyme
In Sydney dialect and ding-dong chime.——
For shame! for shame! ”

“ Wise were such choice, did wine and wassail bring
The attributes pertaining to a King;
Wise were the choice, did ignorance decree
Weal, worth, and blessing to posterity;
Wise is the choice, blind mortals slow to know,
Where foulest sewer, the richest crop must grow ”

“ Antithesis of our antipodes.—
⁠Solicitor “ethereal mildness come,”
’Tis sweet from out the d——d to rescue some,
Your foibles are weak man’s, ’t were painful praise
To hold you honest in these golden days,
When honesty’s reward is Fortune’s frown,
So trite the fact it has a proverb grown,
’Tis strategy, not strength, that lands the trout,
All cut, like Poleaxe but—they’re not found out. ”

“ Cold sweats 'tis said reduced him two stone less
Since Cowper's motion plunged him in a mess—
Had he but kept to cutlets and small beer
With tongue fast fettered, he had nought to fear
But mad ambition and the greed for gain
Have proved at once his antidote and bane—
He too be pensioned for his work and worth,
Of such live stock may Sydney have a dearth—
A wondrous digit is that number nine ”

“ He heaves no stones, whose house is built of glass—
⁠So now I’ve handled all the hireling hacks,
(Fine steel heeds not the harness on their backs)
I’ll wipe the blade o’er every peltry loon
And speak to Speaker in his proper tune——
Look where he sits ensconced in ample chair,
A jackal silent in a lion’s lair——
’Tis by the gross that nature breeds such things,
Insects of even that have cast their wings,
All, all alike, without a plume to soar,
But armed with weapons, sharp to sink them lower,
Tho’ versed in all, being no detective spy,
Some secrets I will spare publicity ”

“ This Polyphemus doth with Polly play,
And snakes and adders usher in the day.
What Cerberus bloodhounds closely guard the gates
Where solitary gourmand vegetates,
Prates of past turtle steaks and “codger” whales
Such spicy food and racy wit prevails,
And as the Persian pig of former day
Boasts all he has eaten he can take away—
Could he but see himself as others do
His consequence would drop a peg or two———
Christendom’s eighth Champion;—’tis to you
This ladies album epigram is due
Which Barkers flunkey picked up at your gate,
And gave Miss —— ”

“ Courts his fair sweetheart in the maiden’s room,——
My Surgeon, daily asks “my wife” what ails her
Monopolized each trade but undertaker——
Shall he thus daub each “pretty wife,” indeed
Whom hospitality presents a feed?——
Beware how rinkled rakes rakes approach your gate
Your maids and daughters to enumerate,
(What matters marriage? in this land ’tis known
The married rake walks o’er the course alone)
To glean a lying yarn from serving men
To pilfer halfpence with their paltry pen,
Which, but proclaims the want of whip at schoul ”

“ This fearful truth,— (’twill end my tale the faster)
“Neo vir fortis”———“nec——fæmino casta”—— [7]
↑ Apples of Sodom fair outside, dirt to the core. ↑ Those who remember the figures of Gog and Magog in Guildhall, London, will at once acknowledge the striking resemblance in feature and intellect. ↑ The terms “step in the right direction” “crying evil” and “besetting sin” form a constant, wherewith to calculate a Leader for the Sydney Morning Herald. ↑ It is a fact that even in the dialact of the best Sydney society certain admixture of slang is necessary to be understood. ”

“ Since Courts and cowards put an end to fight.—
Here Knights abound, our Baronet has gone
And one live Lord roams through the land alone,
An isolated instance o’er the main,
A genuine Peer, a peerless gentleman————
⁠Commissioners throng of high and low degree
Of Courts, of Land, of Sandhills and Coogee,——
And last and least that gold bedizened Crew
All useless ciphers; pity ’tis ’tis true
As bare of brains as headless turkey cock ”

“ Vote stakes too low!—we’ll dash at higher play—
No Constitution monger buy your vote
’Twould spoil the speech that mem’ry got by rote
Speak to the point and be not so verbose,
To be too stiff’s as bad as too jocose
Some merit in a way to you pertains,—
’Tis no great matter—you can count your grains—
In Darewell’s chambers met a motley group
With necks outstretched like geese enclosed in coop,
Gasping to gobble up the words that fell
(Like pearls ’mid swine) from astute Ante-Te,ll——
As in this wondrous land all works contraire
The lazy loungers, that had mustered there,
Startle ”