Aristophanes

“ To work then! Be it your task to inflame and torture and torment him. Seductions, caresses, provocations, refusals, try every means! Grant every favour,—always excepting what is forbidden by our oath on the wine-bowl.
Myrrhiné.
Have no fear, I undertake the work.
Lysistrata.
Well, I will stay here to help you cajole the man and set his passions aflame. The rest of you, withdraw.
Cinesias.
Alas! alas! how I am tortured by spasm and rigid convulsion! Oh! I am racked on the wheel!
Lysistrata.
Who is this that dares to pass our lines?
Cinesias.
It is I.
Lysistrata. ”

“ I too would sooner go through the fire.
Lysistrata.
Oh, wanton, vicious sex! the poets have done well to make tragedies upon us; we are good for nothing then but love and lewdness! [16] But you, my dear, you from hardy Sparta, if you join me, all may yet be well; help me, second me, I conjure you.
Lampito.
’Tis a hard thing, by the two goddesses [17] it is! for a woman to sleep alone without ever a standing weapon in her bed. But there, Peace must come first.
Lysistrata.
Oh, my dear, my dearest, best friend, you are the only one deserving the name of woman! ”

“ Lay aside your water-pots, we will guard them, we will help our friends and companions. For myself, I will never weary of the dance; my knees will never grow stiff with fatigue. I will brave everything with my dear allies, on whom Nature has lavished virtue, grace, boldness, cleverness, and whose wisely directed energy is going to save the State. Oh! my good, gallant Lysistrata, and all my friends, be ever like a bundle of nettles; never let your anger slacken; the winds of fortune blow our way. ”

“ Suffer them not, oh! goddess, but, of thy grace, may I see Athens and Greece cured of their warlike folly. ’Tis to this end, oh! thou guardian deity of our city, goddess of the golden crest, that they have seized thy sanctuary. Be their friend and ally, Athené, and if any man hurl against them lighted firebrands, aid us to carry water to extinguish them. ”

“ So surely I am bound to give my best advice to Athens. What matters that I was born a woman, if I can cure your misfortunes? I pay my share of tolls and taxes, by giving men to the State. But you, you miserable greybeards, you contribute nothing to the public charges; on the contrary, you have wasted the treasure of our forefathers, as it was called, the treasure amassed in the days of the Persian Wars. [49] You pay nothing at all in return; and into the bargain you endanger our lives and liberties by your mistakes. Have you one word to say for yourselves? ”

“ War is men’s business!”
Magistrate.
Bravo! well said indeed!
Lysistrata.
How now, wretched man? not to let us contend against your follies, was bad enough! But presently we heard you asking out loud in the open street: “Is there never a man left in Athens?” and, “No, not one, not one,” you were assured in reply. Then, then we made up our minds without more delay to make common cause to save Greece. Open your ears to our wise counsels and hold your tongues, and we may yet put things on a better footing.
Magistrate.
You put things indeed! Oh! ’tis too much! ”

“ They abused and insulted us; then soused us with the water in their water-pots, and have set us wringing out our clothes, for all the world as if we had bepissed ourselves.
Magistrate.
And ’tis well done too, by Poseidon! We men must share the blame of their ill conduct; it is we who teach them to love riot and dissoluteness and sow the seeds of wickedness in their hearts. You see a husband go into a shop: “Look you, jeweller,” says he, “you remember the necklace you made for my wife. ”

“ An Athenian.
Such a merry banquet I’ve never seen before! The Laconians were simply charming. After the drink is in, why, we’re all wise men, all. It’s only natural, to be sure, for sober, we’re all fools. Take my advice, my fellow-countrymen, our Envoys should always be drunk. We go to Sparta; we enter the city sober; why, we must be picking a quarrel directly. We don’t understand what they say to us, we imagine a lot they don’t say at all, and we report home all wrong, all topsy-turvy. ”

“ However, if the Bœotian and Peloponnesian women join us, Greece is saved.
Calonicé.
But how should women perform so wise and glorious an achievement, we women who dwell in the retirement of the household, clad in diaphanous garments of yellow silk and long flowing gowns, decked out with flowers and shod with dainty little slippers?
Lysistrata.
Nay, but those are the very sheet-anchors of our salvation—those yellow tunics, those scents and slippers, those cosmetics and transparent robes.
Calonicé.
How so, pray?
Lysistrata.
There is not a man will wield a lance against another . ”

“ Haste, haste hither with nimble-footed pace, let us sing Sparta, the city that delights in choruses divinely sweet and graceful dances, when our maidens bound lightly by the river side, like frolicsome fillies, beating the ground with rapid steps and shaking their long locks in the wind, as Bacchantes wave their wands in the wild revels of the Wine-god. ”

“ Lysistrata.
No, but let us wait a moment more, till the women of Bœotia arrive and those from the Peloponnese.
Myrrhiné.
Yes, that is best. . . . Ah! here comes Lampito.
Lysistrata.
Good day, Lampito, dear friend from Lacedæmon. How well and handsome you look! what a rosy complexion! and how strong you seem; why, you could strangle a bull surely!
Lampito.
Yes, indeed, I really think I could. ’Tis because I do gymnastics and practise the kick dance. [9]
Lysistrata. ”

“ The women of Athens, led by Lysistrata and supported by female delegates from the other states of Hellas, determine to take matters into their own hands and force the men to stop the War. They meet in solemn conclave, and Lysistrata expounds her scheme, the rigorous application to husbands and levers of a self-denying ordinance—“we must refrain from the male organ altogether.” Every wife and mistress is to refuse all sexual favours whatsoever, till the men have come to terms of peace. ”

“ But if—which the gods forbid—we do refrain altogether from what you say, should we get peace any sooner?
Lysistrata.
Of course we should, by the goddesses twain! We need only sit indoors with painted cheeks, and meet our mates lightly clad in transparent gowns of Amorgos [18] silk, and with our “mottes” nicely plucked smooth; then their tools will stand like mad and they will be wild to lie with us. That will be the time to refuse, and they will hasten to make peace, I am convinced of that!
Lampito. ”

“ How true the saying: “’Tis impossible to live with the baggages, impossible to live without ’em”! Come, let us agree for the future not to regard each other any more as enemies; and to clinch the bargain, let us sing a choric song.
Chorus of Women.
We desire, Athenians, to speak ill of no man; but on the contrary to say much good of everyone, and to do the like. We have had enough of misfortunes and calamities. Is there any, man or woman, wants a bit of money—two or three minas or so; [67] well, our purse is full. If only peace is concluded, the borrower will not have to pay back. ”

“ Lampito.
For ourselves, no doubt we shall persuade our husbands to conclude a fair and honest peace; but there is the Athenian populace, how are we to cure these folk of their warlike frenzy?
Lysistrata.
Have no fear; we undertake to make our own people hear reason.
Lampito.
Nay, impossible, so long as they have their trusty ships and the vast treasures stored in the temple of Athené.
Lysistrata.
Ah! but we have seen to that; this very day the Acropolis will be in our hands. That is the task assigned to the older women ”

“ Ah! my boy, what a thing it would have been if these fellows had seen us just now when our tools were on full stand!
Athenian.
Speak out, Laconians, what is it brings you here?
Laconian.
We have come to treat for peace.
Athenian.
Well said; we are of the same mind. Better call Lysistrata then; she is the only person will bring us to terms. ”

“ Enough, enough, my dear; now let us all drink in turn to cement our friendship.
Lampito.
Hark! what do those cries mean?
Lysistrata.
’Tis what I was telling you; the women have just occupied the Acropolis. So now, Lampito, do you return to Sparta to organize the plot, while your comrades here remain as hostages. For ourselves, let us away to join the rest in the citadel, and let us push the bolts well home.
Calonicé.
But don’t you think the men will march up against us?
Lysistrata.
I laugh at them. Neither threats nor flames shall force our doors ”

“ Embroidered stuffs, and dainty tunics, and flowing gowns, and golden ornaments, everything I have, I offer them you with all my heart; take them all for your children, for your girls, against they are chosen “basket-bearers” to the goddess. I invite you every one to enter, come in and choose whatever you will; there is nothing so well fastened, you cannot break the seals, and carry away the contents. Look about you everywhere . ”

“ Lysistrata.
’Twill be an easy task—if only they refrain from mutual indulgence in masculine love; if they do, I shall know the fact at once. Now, where is the gentle goddess Peace? Lead hither the Laconian Envoys. But, look you, no roughness or violence; our husbands always behaved so boorishly. [73] Bring them to me with smiles, as women should. If any refuse to give you his hand, then catch him by the penis and draw him politely forward. Bring up the Athenians too; you may take them just how you will. Laconians, approach ”

“ Let us punish the minxes, every one of us that has a man’s appendages to boast of. Come, off with our tunics, for a man must savour of manhood; come, my friends, let us strip naked from head to foot. Courage, I say, we who in our day garrisoned Lipsydrion; [50] let us be young again, and shake off eld. If we give them the least hold over us, ’tis all up! their audacity will know no bounds! ”

“ Ah! our men too, like wrestlers in the arena, cannot endure a rag over their bellies; ’tis an athlete’s malady, which only exercise can remedy.
An Athenian.
Can anybody tell us where Lysistrata is? Surely she will have some compassion on our condition.
Chorus of Old Men.
Look! ’tis the very same complaint. (Addressing the Athenian.) Don’t you feel of mornings a strong nervous tension?
An Athenian.
Yes, and a dreadful, dreadful torture it is! Unless peace is made very soon, we shall find no resource but to fuck Clisthenes. [71]
Chorus of Old Men. ”

“ Lysistrata.
Then yield to their wishes, but with a bad grace; there is no pleasure for them, when they do it by force. Besides, there are a thousand ways of tormenting them. Never fear, they'll soon tire of the game; there’s no satisfaction for a man, unless the woman shares it. ”

“ Lysistrata.
That is not the same thing. When the soldier returns from the wars, even though he has white hair, he very soon finds a young wife. But a woman has only one summer; if she does not make hay while the sun shines, no one will afterwards have anything to say to her, and she spends her days consulting oracles, that never send her a husband. ”

“ At Athens, policemen and ushers in the courts were generally Scythians; so the revolting women must have their Scythian “Usheress” too. ↑ In allusion to the oath which the seven allied champions before Thebes take upon a buckler, in Æschylus’ tragedy of ‘The Seven against Thebes,’ v. 42. ↑ A volcanic island in the northern part of the Ægæan, celebrated for its vineyards. ↑ The old men are carrying faggots and fire to burn down the gates of the Acropolis, and supply comic material by their panting and wheezing as they climb the steep approaches to the fortress and puff and blow at their fires. ”

“ Then secondly, instead of enjoying the pleasures of love and making the best. of our youth and beauty, we are left to languish far from our husbands, who are all with the army. But say no more of ourselves; what afflicts me is to see our girls growing old in lonely grief. ”

“ An Athenian Citizen.
Chorus of Old Men.
Chorus of Women.
Scene: In a public square at Athens; afterwards before the gates of the Acropolis, and finally within the precincts of the citadel.
LYSISTRATA
Lysistrata (alone) .
Ah! if only they had been invited to a Bacchic revelling, or a feast of Pan or Aphrodité or Genetyllis, [1] why! the streets would have been impassable for the thronging tambourines! Now there’s never a woman here—ah! except my neighbour Calonicé, whom I see approaching yonder. . . . Good day, Calonicé. ”

“ At their head, oh! chaste and beauteous goddess, daughter of Latona, Artemis, do thou lead the song and dance. A fillet binding thy waving tresses, appear in thy loveliness; leap like a fawn; strike thy divine hands together to animate the dance, and aid us to renown the valiant goddess of battles, great Athené of the Brazen House!
FINIS OF “LYSISTRATA”
↑ At Athens more than anywhere the festivals of Bacchus (Dionysus) were celebrated with the utmost pomp—and also with the utmost licence, not to say licentiousness. Pan—the rustic god and king of the Satyrs ”

“ Artemis was angered and sent a terrible pestilence upon the city, which only ceased when, by direction of the oracle, a company of maidens was dedicated to the deity, to act the part of she-bears in the festivities held annually in her honour at the Brauronia, her festival so named from the deme of Brauron in Attica. ”

“ Lysistrata.
First we wash the yarn to separate the grease and filth; do the same with all bad citizens, sort them out and drive them forth with rods—’tis the refuse of the city. Then for all such as come crowding up in search of employments and offices, we must card them thoroughly ”

“ The Acharnians were throughout the most extreme partisans of the warlike party during the Peloponnesian struggle. See ‘The Acharnians’ ↑ The precise reference is uncertain, and where the joke exactly comes in. The Scholiast says Theagenes was a rich, miserly and superstitious citizen, who never undertook any enterprise without first consulting an image of Hecaté, the distributor of honour and wealth according to popular belief; and his wife would naturally follow her husband’s example. ↑ A deme of Attica, a small and insignificant community—a ‘Little Pedlington’ in fact. ”