Arthur Machen

“ But, before it be granted and set forth under the seal of the High Tosspot, the Clericus Spigotti visits the place and strictly interrogates all men, gentle and simple, whether they be verily addicted to strong ale and waggish ways; and, if he find so much as one politique or rancorous meddler therein, without more ado he tears his mandate in twain and rides hot foot away. But if the Spigot Clerk find the folk to be true Silurians, mellow men; the girls comely and jesticulous; the country provided with sunny nooks for winter and shadowed summer byways ”

“ Mary's quire, nor to dalliance with fair ladies in the castle that overlooks the town; but the tankards, and cans, and cups foam up, and foam again, and in the Salmons they sit still drinking, and drinking evermore. And thou, most swift Greyhound, that swingest in the city dreaming below great hills, where the Gavenny and the Uske do meet interflow, for thee, I say, they have set up a rare kennel, a kennel with a courtyard and low passages, where is stored baronial ale, ale such as was pleasant to De Broase what time he had lordship here, and dwelt in a mighty fortress. ”

“ Hither journey weary men who have crossed mountains and are sore afoot; along the road they come at evensong and count the miles unto thy gate, till the noise of chiming bells grows near, and they enter in and sit them down, and with a long breath do drain oblivion of all their toils. ”

“ Hither comes the cold and melancholic people and go away duly spiced, and warmed and gingered; hither also do the merry folk hold their synods, and Silurianise till the flame leapeth out through the chimney-top, and the tiles clatter together with their singing and their mirth. ”

“ Of these last we have some egregious specimens, fellows with round paunches and long heads, who have seen so many generations of travellers, and such diversity of morals, trickeries, methods, humours, counterfeits, revelries, noses, doublets, lecheries, japes, breeches, arguments, and appetites that their wits have grown very sharp, so that they perfectly comprehend the difference between a cassock and a smock, understand when it is wise to ask questions, and when to lay finger unto nose, when to call the crier, and when mumchance is the only word. ”

“ Sometimes these gentry lose all sense of hearing and seeing to boot, and inquisitive strangers who wish to find out things, and have a well-founded conceit that the master of the Ivy-Bush sees what is done under the ivy, are greatly astonished at a deep, impenetrable ignorance, and go away as they deserve, no wiser than they came. ”

“ But we Silurians had rather laugh and lie still, leaving other matters to God and the King, who (it is lawful to say) can be trusted to do what is best. What ho! My Lord High Tosspot cometh with his Silver Oar and Great Seals, and all his merry company. There go the vyalls and the horns to the tune of O my Madam in the Can. Lo! you; in crossing the brook the Clericus Spigotti hath been spilt; there'll be a tang of beer about the water till it flows into the Uske hard by Caerleon. ”

“ These Master Tankards are, in fact, mighty pleasant fellows, who bear witness to the error of giving the name "fuddlecap" to them that have much traffic with ale; and this is, it seems certain, a very great mistake, which all good Christians ought to avoid. A man who comes home late, goes to bed by a lanthorn which he has forgotten to light, and blows it out heedfully before he gets between the sheets, doubtless seems a little foolish ”

“ Gather ye, O gather ye, and pull the greyhound's tail, all dumpish and doting men. I cite, summon, and admonish you to be and appear before the High Court of Cervisage holden within the afore-named tavern at six of the clock in the afternoon on the Calends of May, that ye may, there and then purge ye of your contempt toward this honourable Silurian Assize. ”