Arthur Scott Bailey

“ Major Monkey told him that it was not so.
"It's the generals that I can't trust," he explained. "But you are different. You're the cook, you remember. In the midst of a fight, you wouldn't be expected to cook."
"Then my part would be to do nothing at all?" Mr. Crow inquired.
"Exactly!" Major Monkey cried. "And I've no doubt that you'd be a great success."
Old Mr. Crow always liked praise. And of course the Major's remark pleased him. It made him all the more eager, too, to see the army attack Johnnie Green and his friends. ”

“ The Major nodded.
"And now"—Jolly Robin asked him—"now where and when are you going to ride old Spot?"
Shutting his eyes tightly, Major Monkey wrinkled his low forehead until Jolly Robin began to fear that he was in great pain.
"Are you ill?" Jolly asked him.
"No!" said the Major. "I was only thinking. And it seems to me that the other end of the orchard, toward the farmhouse, would be the best place to begin my ride.... As for the time," he added, "that will be when old Spot happens to come that way."
"I'll be there, whenever that may be," Jolly Robin assured him. ”

“ Major Monkey seemed surprised when Jasper Jay told him that there wasn't a bird family in the whole valley that felt it could spare a single egg.
"Of course," said Jasper, "nobody cares how many Cowbirds' eggs you eat. The Cowbirds are pests. They are too lazy to build nests of their own. And no respectable bird family likes to have a loutish young Cowbird to bring up with their own children. But you have gone too far. You have been stealing eggs right and left. ”

“ Crow snorted.
"A fine soldier you are!" he cried [Pg 79] scornfully. "You aren't brave enough to lead an army. I should think you'd be ashamed."
Major Monkey seemed pained. He said it hurt him to have Mr. Crow say such cruel things.
"It's plain," said he, "that you don't know much about an army, in spite of all I've tried to teach you. Of course I had to leave. I'm the leader of the army; and I must keep out of danger. So when the generals failed to come to my rescue when I whistled for help there was nothing I could do except retreat." ”

“ Crow answered that he wasn't quite sure, but he thought Major Monkey fed for the most part on cowbirds' eggs.
Aunt Polly Woodchuck shook her head.
"That's not possible," she cried. "There aren't enough Cowbirds' eggs in Pleasant Valley to make anybody so fat as the Major is getting. Unless I'm mistaken, [Pg 84] he's taking the eggs of a good many others besides Cowbirds."
Mr. Crow became greatly excited.
"Then he's a thief!" he squawked. "Major Monkey is an egg thief!" And he flapped away across the pasture in a fine rage, to tell everybody what Aunt Polly Woodchuck had said. ”

“ Those that could fly flew away in a great hurry. And those that could run scampered quickly out of sight. As for the soldier, Major Monkey, he climbed a tree and hung by his tail from a limb, where he swung backwards and forwards and made faces at Tommy Fox and Peter Mink until their rage was terrible to see. ”

“ For Major Monkey liked nothing better than making a body jump—unless it was bowling someone over when he failed to jump soon enough.
In time the forest-folk grew quite weary of that sport. And they began to tell one another that something would have to be done to put an end to Major Monkey's stone-throwing.
But nobody could suggest any way to cure Major Monkey of his unpleasant habit. And at last Mr. Crow went to Aunt Polly Woodchuck and asked her if she couldn't give the Major an herb of some sort to eat, which would make him [Pg 83] stop wanting to pelt every head he saw. ”

“ But you never can tell what old dog Spot is going to do. My father and his friends would be disappointed if I didn't come. They would be angry, too. And just as likely as not I'd be put to bed an hour before sunset. So I shall go home now, whether you give me leave or not."
"Then I'll give you leave—if that's the case," said Major Monkey. "I can't have anybody disobeying orders; so I'll give you leave. And I'll dismiss the army until to-morrow.... The last man over the fence will be shot at sunrise," he added. It seemed as if he was determined to shoot somebody, anyhow. ”

“ Where do you get 'em?"
"At Farmer Green's henhouse, of course," the Major answered. "I've been going there regularly for some time. I find that the eggs are bigger than any I can find in the woods."
"It's no wonder he's getting fat," Jasper Jay murmured as he gazed at Major Monkey.
"You'll have to stop eating so much," Mr. Crow told the Major solemnly. [Pg 90] "Aunt Polly Woodchuck says that the reason you throw so many stones is because you overeat and feel in too high spirits." ”

“ Old Mr. Crow bit his tongue. It struck [Pg 14] him that Major Monkey was just the least bit too forward.
"What about refreshments?" Mr. Crow asked him. "It's easy to see that you don't know the neighbors. I can tell you that they have enormous appetites—every one of them."
"Oh! that's easily arranged," said Major Monkey. "Tell everybody to be sure to have his refreshments before he comes to the party."
"A good idea!" Mr. Crow exclaimed. With that difficulty removed he was willing to give a party, for he quite liked the prospect of introducing everybody to "his old friend, Major Monkey." ”

“ On the following morning the field-and forest-folk began gathering at the edge of the woods near the pasture almost before it was light. And when Major Monkey left his snug bed in the haystack and went to the meeting-place he found an eager throng waiting for him.
Old Mr. Crow was flitting about, talking in a loud voice, and ordering people around to his heart's content.
"Silence!" Major Monkey commanded, [Pg 49] as soon as he arrived. Mr. Crow opened his mouth to speak. But Major Monkey cut him off short.
"The first thing a soldier has to learn is to obey," he barked. ”

“ After they learned that Major Monkey was in the habit of going to Farmer Green's henhouse for eggs, the wild folk began to have a better opinion of him once more. So long as he didn't steal birds' eggs they were willing to overlook his stone-throwing—if he didn't throw too many. ”

“ Crow wouldn't listen to them.
"No!" he said. "We mustn't wait. My friend the Major is a great traveller. There's no knowing when he will take it into his head to move on. And if you want to meet him there's no time like the present."
Well, people were so busy getting ready for the party that there was a great [Pg 21] flurry everywhere all day long—except at the haystack, where Major Monkey was hiding. And even he did not have so dull a time as you might suppose.
Luckily, he had discovered a lone apple tree near-by. ”

“ Crow inquired. [Pg 43]
Major Monkey explained that they were not.
"Just as I supposed!" the old gentleman exclaimed. "This isn't a Warbler's egg. It's a Cowbird's egg. And you've done that Warbler family a good turn by taking it out of their nest.
"I know Mrs. Cowbird," he went on. "She's too lazy to bring up her own children. So she sneaks through the woods and lays her eggs in other folk's nests.... I must tell of this," Mr. Crow added. "People will think very kindly of you when they hear what you have done." ”

“ Rusty Wren replied that it was very hard for him to keep his tail down for longer than a few moments at a stretch.
"I don't believe I'll be in the army," he announced. "Probably my wife is wondering where I am this moment. So I'm going home." And thereupon he flew away toward Farmer Green's dooryard, where he lived.
"Well, we're rid of him, anyhow," said Major Monkey. And then he noticed something else that wasn't as it should have been.
"Here, you!" he called to Peter Mink. [Pg 55] "Pull in your neck! It's too long! It sticks out and spoils the looks of the whole army." ”

“ Crow inquired of Major Monkey.
"Lately I've been spending my time travelling," the Major replied. "But you know I'm a soldier. And while I'm in Pleasant Valley I intend to form an army."
Old Mr. Crow looked somewhat worried when he heard that.
"I hope you aren't going to guard the cornfield!" he said hastily.
Major Monkey set his fears at rest.
"We'll let Farmer Green do that," he said with a wink. "This is what we'll do: [Pg 46] we'll band ourselves together and we'll fight any strangers that come to Pleasant Valley to live."
"That's not a bad plan," Mr. Crow remarked. ”

“ Some time later Major Monkey limped [Pg 107] back to his home in the haystack, dripping wet. His fine coat was torn. And he had lost his red cap.
When Jolly Robin saw him he asked the Major if he had had a good ride.
"Well," said Major Monkey, "it was a good one; but it was too fast. If I started to travel south on old dog Spot's back I'd reach my journey's end before you had gone half way."
"Dear me!" said Jolly Robin. "Then we can't travel together after all." ”

“ Aunt Polly cried. "You've [Pg 38] been fed by men! I knew it all the time."
Major Monkey made no comment on her remark. And settling his cap firmly on his head he said that he must be going.
So he and Mr. Crow went off.
"Where are you going to spend the night?" Mr. Crow asked him as soon as they were out of Aunt Polly's hearing.
"That haystack is a good place," said the Major. "I believe I'll live there as long as I stay in Pleasant Valley."
"It's not far from the farmhouse," Mr. Crow observed. ”

“ Crow wanted. He had started Peter Mink and [Pg 30] Tommy Fox to quarreling. "They'll never agree," Mr. Crow cried. "Let's ask Major Monkey to settle the dispute! Let's leave it to him!" And turning to his friend, the Major, Mr. Crow said: "Which of these two sharp-nosed rascals did you see first?"
Major Monkey took a bite out of his apple while he looked closely at Peter Mink and Tommy Fox.
"I never saw either of them until I came to this party," he declared. "And then I saw both at the same time, because they were whispering together."
"There!" Mr. Crow shouted to the whole company. ”

“ It was the first bit of sugar he had tasted since he came to Pleasant Valley. And Major Monkey was very fond of sweets.
Johnnie Green, or his father, or the hired man seemed all at once to grow terribly careless with maple sugar. The Major hardly ever visited the henhouse without finding a lump somewhere. And if his liking for eggs hadn't brought him thither daily, his taste for sugar would have been enough to make him continue his visits.
At last there came a day when Major [Pg 112] Monkey discovered a thick pitcher on the henhouse floor. ”

“ Crow was sitting. Then, dropping nimbly from limb to limb, with the help of his hands and his feet and his tail, he stopped at last when he had reached Mr. Crow's level. [Pg 9]
One thing was certain. The stranger was bold as brass. He looked Mr. Crow up and down. And then he said:
"You're a gay old bird! What's your name?"
Now, no doubt some people would have been angry. But Mr. Crow rather liked to be called gay, because he couldn't help looking solemn. And most people knew he was very old. And everybody was aware he was a bird. ”

“ Crow as he spoke, most of the company could not help thinking that the old gentleman was the thief, after all. And when he flew into a rage they felt quite sure he was guilty.
"We always knew Mr. Crow was an old rascal!" they exclaimed.
And so Mr. Crow took himself off. But he soon recovered his good spirits. He was used to being called names. And to tell the truth, he had taken a few eggs now and then—when he thought no one was watching. ”

“ But when they said that they had no intention of trying to, he had to change his statement. "I mean"—he explained—"I mean that neither Tommy Fox nor Peter Mink can fool me. They can't make me believe that they've seen anybody hanging by his tail in a tree-top."
"Why not?" asked Mr. Crow's cousin, Jasper Jay.
"Becaws——" said Mr. Crow. And then he corrected himself once more. "Because," he replied, "no 'possum ever came so far North as this. I've spent a good many winters in the South, and I [Pg 3] ought to know. ”

“ Then the Major opened the egg with great skill, and ate its contents without spilling a drop.
"Now," he said, "now I'm ready for business."
[Pg 45] IXThe Major Has a Plan
"What is your business, if I may ask?" Mr. ”