Clarence Day, Jr.

“ There was nothing for it but to wait on till the streets were deserted. I spread my lap-robe on the ground in between several trees, sat on it, and drew it up over me. It had a strong, circusy smell; most repugnant I found it. And I'd no string to tie it with. I had to hold all the four corners up close to my neck, and my arms got so stiff that my hands lost all feeling whatsoever.
A full hour must have passed when a man appeared walking on the grass directly toward my trees. In the lamplight I saw he was one of those policemen who had been throwing stones in the morning. ”

“ She was dressed rather oddly—some clinging white stuff and a wreath. Hair down. No shoes. But in spite of her irregular appearance, I could see she was nice. She was also good-looking. I bowed pleasantly. I like being affable, when possible, to all sorts of people.
"My model, Miss Yecker," said White. "She's posing as a wood-nymph; here's the picture. A classical scene, as you see. She's pleading to this Roman gladiator she's met in the forest." ”

“ With all the most important things in the world to discuss, is it worth while to chatter merely about what covers the body? I felt rather sorry and even a little ashamed of my family to see them sit there and dwell on that kind of a subject. ”

“ You always know your own mind."
"Well," said my wife, pensively, patting Talbot on the hand, "Niblo has a way with his derbies that's very, very different. I used to think derbies were all just alike before I married, but, dear me, I was mistaken. Some are too high for Niblo; some are too squat, or too broad; some aren't curved enough; some have the wrong kind of brim. And after he has chosen the least obnoxious out of the pile, it has to go down-stairs in a little derby elevator to be heated and entirely recast and shaped to his head ”

“ When two people stare long at each other their inside feelings show. It was rather uncomfortable to be conscious of this growing antagonism. I disliked White, too; he wasn't considerate. He stopped to let me rest now and then; but he was in a hurry. Miss Yecker said I ought to try harder to let Mr. White work. White grew very curt in the way he kept ordering me around. ”

“ The Owls and the Gladiator
BY CLARENCE DAY, JR.
TIME: a cool November morning. Place: as usual, Central Park, New York—at the entrance nearest my house. Person present: Niblo Sims—that is, myself—on a bench. Atmosphere: distinctly one of annoyance.
I will begin by saying that I do not like queer people. Some of them are interesting in a way, and some may be comic, but I don't believe we feel really comfortable in their society. I think we all prefer people who behave in a sensible manner. I certainly should hate very much to be queer myself. ”

“ That was just what they wished to do, the policemen declared; and when she protested, they said there was nothing sweet about owls. They said she mightn't know it, but owls flew about and attacked people viciously at night. And when she asked in what way and what people, they said, crossly:
"They bite! They bite us. How would you like to go on duty here at night and get all tore up by a owl?" ”

“ That's the way people are. I've made many a dreary call on persons who weren't glad to see me, just in order to be friendly. One has to be ready to take the bad with the good in this world. This call on Mrs. White, I may mention, was one of the dreariest. But at least it was better than having a row in my home.
After perhaps half an hour, White himself came to the door. "That dog of a gladiator hasn't shown up, Jane," he began ”

“ Her robe as a wood-nymph was the amplest a nymph ever wore. It was positively bunchy—she was like some old Eskimo wood-nymph. It was a bit odd perhaps, but who notices when a woman wears odd things? They dress so preposterously, anyhow. She could perfectly well have gone home on the top of a 'bus.
Her plan was, however, for us to drive into the Park and find some quiet place where I could get out while she dressed. Then, she said, she would give me the cab. My own cab, mind! ”

“ Don't interfere further. You must let respectable citizens alone."
"You call that a respectable citizen?" demanded the officer. "Crawling around high and mighty without any clothes on, and that vicious he's bitten a chunk out the top of my head!"
"As to clothes," Talbot told him, trying desperately to explain the best he could, "this gentleman's idea has long been that clothes are a nuisance."
"And how long has his idea been that he was an owl?" said the officer. "Do you let him come out here and screech this hoo-hoo stuff all night?"
"An owl, eh? Why, I never knew he—er—" Talbot began. ”