Don Berry

“ That what you mean?"
"Well—basically this kind of regression is a denial of responsibility. 'I'm not a man,' he says. 'I'm just an unborn child. Take care of me.' The individual wants no part of the problems and responsibilities of adulthood. Harkins came out of that, or he never could have got the ship back. But he couldn't face being a man. The only way he could carry out his responsibilities, and survive, was to abolish the category, man."
Colin leaned back and sighed. "You know," he said thoughtfully, "Harkins must be the loneliest human being that ever lived. ”

“ Colin went on, ticking the points off on his fingers, "partial disorientation. Loss of perception of a single class of objects, human beings."
"Even that isn't entirely true," Banning said. "He felt people."
"That's right. And I think this is our opening wedge. Of the possible means of avoidance I named, partial disorientation is the least successful of all. It involves too many contradictions. He was disturbed by the microphones, for example. Why? Because they are meaningful only in a context of human beings. Communication. ”

“ Colin nodded.
"Phoenix II," the General said, and his voice was flat and expressionless.
"Send another man into it, knowing no more than we know?"
"We have to know," Banning said. "Men have died before without as good reason." ”

“ The two men stood in the control room before the wide window-wall looking out on the landing pad. Phoenix I, still surrounded by scaffolding, was brightly lit in the glaring beams of a dozen searchlights playing from the Gila Base buildings and trucks on the field.
"Can he take it off?" Colin asked.
"I don't think so," Banning said. "Sergeant, is there fuel in those tanks?"
"Yes, sir," said one of the men in the group that crowded in front of the window. "But the feed valve is off. It can't get into the firing chambers."
"What would happen if he tried?" Colin asked.
"Nothing," Banning said. ”

“ Then it disappeared, and the fire-ball climbed suddenly into the night sky, rolling and twisting in on itself. A gantry tipped and fell out of the flame with ponderous slowness, twisted and melted before it crashed to the pad. ”

“ She sat on the opposite side of Banning's desk, her hands folded quietly in her lap, fingers twined, while Colin explained what they wanted her to do. Her still-sleepy eyes were fixed on her fingers while the psychiatrist talked.
"I—I think I see," she said hesitantly. "What it comes down to is that you want me to try to talk Dick out of Phoenix I."
Colin nodded. "It may not be easy. I've told you as much as we know about the condition of his mind. He will not consciously hear you, in all likelihood. We hope to appeal to deep-seated emotions below the conscious level. Are you willing to try?" ”

“ It has to justify and explain away all data which would eventually point to the existence of human beings."
"What the hell does he think he is?" Banning asked angrily.
"I have no idea. Maybe that's problem two for the future. At any rate, as you pointed out, this is an impossible job. It must be infinitely more difficult now that he's on Earth, where there are so many more things to explain away. This is going to set up a terrific strain inside. It may break him."
"What would do that to a man?"
"I don't know that, either," Colin admitted. "Our first problem now is to get him out of the ship. ”

“ Banning whispered, "you'd think he'd eaten this way all his life."
"Apathetic," Colin said shortly. "He refuses to admit anything unusual."
"How the hell could he rationalize losing consciousness and waking up in a windowless room?"
Colin shrugged. "Brain's a funny thing," was his only comment. His eyes were fixed intently on the screen. Suddenly Harkins noticed the slip of paper tucked under the corner of one of the dishes.
Colin leaned forward, took his pipe out of his mouth. ”

“ The empty spool lying beside the transmitter read AUTOMATIC DISTRESS CODE.
He understood all the words, all right, but put together they didn't seem to make any sense. AUTOMATIC DISTRESS CODE. What would it be for? Why would such a thing be broadcast? If you were in distress, you surely knew it without transmitting it.
He shook his head. Things were very bad with him. He was profoundly disturbed by his loss of control. Performing all sorts of meaningless actions without volition.... And now, with this tape, he had not even been conscious of the act, could not remember it. ”

“ Thirty minutes later he found himself toying with the same switch. He had turned it on again. This was getting ridiculous. He shouldn't be so nervous.
He grinned wryly to himself. The transmitter switch, indeed. If ever a useless piece of junk had been put in Phoenix I, that was it. Transmitter switch!
He laughed aloud. And left the switch open.
He found himself staring with fascination at the microphone. It was pretty interesting, he had to admit that. It was mounted on the back of the control chair, on swivel arms. It could easily be pulled into position right in front of his face. ”

“ When they had settled themselves with the coffee, Banning asked, "All right, now. Why'd you change 'come in please' to 'please reply'?"
"It's less ambiguous," Colin said. "'Come in please' could mean several things."
"So? Anybody with as much radio experience as Harkins knows what 'Come in please' means."
"You're going to have to get used to the idea you're not dealing with Harkins in this. Take the point of view, this is somebody you've never seen before. Somebody you have to figure out from scratch." ”

“ Colin hesitated. "First of all, this—blindness is purely a functional block of some kind. There's nothing organically wrong with his vision."
"I'm still not sure I go along with your blind-deaf idea," the General said dubiously.
"I'm virtually certain, after seeing the film strip again. Your Colonel Harkins behaves exactly like a man being molested by something he can't see."
"For the sake of argument, then...." Banning nodded.
"All right. Presupposing he does not want to see human beings—for whatever reason—there are several mechanisms he could use." ”

“ He read on, gliding over the familiar words with a pleasant sense of acquaintanceship, the sense of sharing an idea with a respected friend.
To go into solitude, a man needs to retire as much from his chamber as from society. ”

“ The three microphones picked up little but the shuffle of feet; cameras dutifully imprinted on film the image of a man pacing restlessly back and forth, examining the fixtures of the room without apparent anxiety or curiosity.
"No trouble at all," Banning answered Colin's question. "He didn't even see the patrol. Spray shot of Somnol in the arm and that was it."
"He doesn't seem particularly upset," Colin mused, watching the screen on which the lean figure of Colonel Harkins paced.
"Nervous," Banning said. ”

“ He gave the psychiatrist a security gate-pass and went to bed in his own office.
Colin's car buzzed down the wide concrete toward the little cluster of lights that marked Gila City. He slowed when he reached the outskirts, watching the blue glare of the overhead sodium lamps slide along the hood and up over the windshield.
Reaching his apartment, he flicked on the lights and went in. It was a single room, two walls covered with floor-to-ceiling bookcases; there was a desk, one overstuffed chair. Automatically his eyes swept the room with the questioning glance of a man returning home ”

“ He did not think: Upper left button third from end right bank rockets three-quarters correct deviation.
He thought: Straight. And his hand darted out.
The ground was near below him, now. He could see parts of the landscape through the port, wavering uncertainly in the heat waves from his landing blast.
Slower ... slower ... slower.... The roar was reflected loud off the flat below....
Touch.
Perfect, he thought happily. Perfect perfect perfect.
He leaned contentedly back in the control chair and watched the needles of the console gauges fall lifeless back to the pins. ”

“ Colin asked.
"No. Same thing. Sometimes he comes closer to the mike. We can hear his footsteps. He seems to be wandering around the control room pretty aimlessly. Or maybe he's just carrying on the in-flight routine, we can't tell."
"This is Mrs. Harkins," Colin said. "General Banning."
"Thank you for coming, Mrs. Harkins," the general said. "I hope this isn't too difficult for you." He took her small hand in his own.
Martha Harkins smiled faintly. "A service wife gets used to just about everything, general."
"Unfortunately true. If you'll come with me, I'll introduce you to your technician. ”

“ Harkins," Colin put in. "This may take some time. It may be we'll want you to cut a tape with a request to leave the ship, if we can't get any response from live voice. Repetition is the important thing, and the sound of your voice."
"All right. I'll do whatever you say." She turned away briefly, but not before Colin saw the beginnings of tears in her eyes.
Banning led her over to the radio console, saw her seated and instructed in the use of the equipment, and returned to Colin. ”

“ Colin stretched out on one of the cots, put his hands behind his head and soon was breathing deeply in an excellent imitation of sleep.
The clock on Banning's desk said 4:33 when his communicator chimed. Banning was off his cot and at the desk before the first soft echoes faded.
"Banning. Yes ... yes ... all right, right away."
"What is it?" Colin asked.
"They've got something from the Phoenix at Control."
When they reached the radio room again, a different technician was on shift. He was intently watching an oscilloscope face on the board in front of him. ”

“ He sat on the edge of his desk regarding the other man.
The second of the two was a civilian. He was slumped in an oddly incongruous overstuffed chair, with his legs stretched out straight before him. He held the bowl of an unlit pipe in both hands and sucked morosely on the stem as the SpaServ brigadier talked. He was slightly younger than the other, but his hair was beginning to thin at the temples. He had sharp blue eyes that regarded the tips of his shoes without apparent interest. Colin Meany was his name, and he was a psychiatrist. ”

“ He would have to do some fancy twisting to avoid the notion of human beings. The same goes for any other human artifact. Somehow, in order to make the world 'reasonable' in his own terms, he has to explain the existence of these things, without admitting the existence of people who made and use them. ”

“ You're crazy. The ship, he looked at the ship, and the microphone, and...."
"Oh, it's pretty selective blindness," Colin said. He filled his pipe with maddening slowness and lit it before he spoke again.
"People," he said finally. "He doesn't see people. At all."
Harkins fell asleep leaning forward in the control chair with his head on his arms. When he wakened, the sky outside the viewport was turning dark. With a sense of sudden danger, he clamped down the metal shutters over the port. ”

“ It means that some facet of his personality must be continually making decisions about what can be recognized and what cannot. His censoring mechanism is in a constant scramble to prevent certain data from reaching his conscious mind. ”

“ They acknowledge, give me course. I'm moving "up", at right angles to the plane of the ecliptic. Fastest way to get away from large mass bodies ...
Time then on atomic rockets, almost a full day. Colin brushed over this phase, which was routine. As far as he could tell, Harkins' duties had been designed principally to keep him from getting bored before it was time to cut in the Skipdrive, and this corresponded with what General Banning had told him. ”