Evelyn R. Garratt

“ And first let me tell you that you have the most splendid opportunity of growing into a noble strong woman. This mother-in-law of yours, instead of being a hindrance to your soul's life, may be a stepping stone to a higher life. It depends a great deal upon yourself which she becomes, a hindrance, or a stepping stone."
"I don't see how," said Rachel.
"She will be a tremendous hindrance if you give way to your present feelings about her. You must forgive me, my dear child, but I am perfectly certain from all you have told me that you are suffering from a terrible enemy. ”

“ But apparently Luke makes up for it all, so I am not going to worry about your tears. He makes up for mother and me, and Sybil! Not to mention the bluebells in the wood and the scent of the violets and primroses and everything lovely here. It's all quite amazing to me, but you would tell me that that is just because I do not know what love is. I hope I shall never know as I don't want to lose all the things which I now adore. Don't give my love to Luke, for I don't like him. He's just an ordinary man, and I thought you would have chosen one out of the common. ”

“ Rachel exclaimed.
"Do you often come here?" asked Gwen. She knew what the answer would be.
"No, Luke can't afford the time. You see the calls on his time are endless in such a parish."
"Bother the parish!" said Gwen.
"No, no, you must not say that. I don't think you quite realise that a clergyman's life is quite different to that of other people. You would not approve of a doctor neglecting his patients for pleasure. Well a clergyman is a physician of souls. And after all souls are more important than bodies."
"I don't know anything about souls," said Gwen. ”

“ At times he would suddenly awake to the consciousness that Rachel was not looking quite as bright as usual and felt remorse at having taken her away from her home.
On these occasions he would try and manage to get a free day off and take her for a jaunt. But he felt it an effort and it put him back in his work. These free days, however, were days of bliss to his wife, till she recognised the fact that it was only when he was not engaged in his life work that they had communion with one another. She was of no help to him in the most important times of his life. ”

“ At last she spoke to him of her longing to help him more. They had gone by train to some woods not far off and had lunch in a lovely spot they had discovered. The morning was bright and sunny, and as weather had a great effect on Rachel she was in a merry mood which communicated itself to her husband. Then, as after lunch they still sat on enjoying the rest and the smell of the damp earth, Rachel sighed.
"Isn't this heavenly?" she said. "I wish we lived in the country, don't you?"
"No, I don't," said Luke. "I should die of ennui! and I cannot imagine life without plenty of work. ”

“ He is young and strong and ought to be at work," said Mrs. Greville, standing in front of Rachel as if she was in some way to blame. Her face was anxious and perplexed. She could scarcely understand work without movement, and rush.
"You may be quite sure he is not wasting his time," said Rachel; then hoping to distract her mother-in-law's thought she held up the baby to be admired.
"Doesn't he look sweet," she said. "He shall wear this little frock when we have the villagers to tea. He must look his best." ”

“ Rachel was silent, but she disagreed with every word her mother-in-law had spoken. Then after a pause during which Mrs. Greville tied and untied her bonnet strings in her agitation, she said:
"I don't suppose any consideration respecting finance would weigh with Luke against doing what he thinks right."
"My dear, young men often make a fatal mistake in going their own way, thinking that youth must know better than age. Think of those four gray haired men who know more of the world than Luke, being set at nought like that. I have never known Luke to make such a mistake. ”

“ You gave yourself to God at the time of your confirmation, I remember. Don't listen to the doubts that the Devil suggests. You are a Child of God, but just at present not a very happy or good one."
"I ought to be happy," said Rachel looking up with a smile, "with such a husband as Luke. I only hope I do not love him too much."
"I don't think so. I doubt if it is possible to love a husband too much; but it is very possible to love God, Who gave him to you, too little."
Rachel looked up again into the Bishop's face. ”

“ Greville so dreaded telling Luke the news she had received from the doctor that she did not ask him to come round to see her that evening. So she sat and brooded over the news, and in her heart she blamed Rachel for neglecting herself as she had evidently done. Of course people would lay the blame on Luke; but how could you expect a man whose every moment was filled in with his parish duties to notice when his wife looked pale, or lost her appetite. And what a terrible hindrance to his work to have an invalid wife! ”

“ I would far rather live in an ugly dirty town with Luke than in the most beautiful country in the world without him. When you are a little older, Gwen, you will understand that."
"No I shan't. No man in the world would make up to me for the country. I should simply die if I had to live here," she added, looking round the tiny room. "In fact I can't imagine a really unselfish man asking such a sacrifice from the girl he loves best in all the world."
Rachel laughed merrily. Gwen had got on to her favourite theme, the selfishness of men. ”

“ Then Luke took up his oars and rowed vigorously towards land.
"All things must have an end," he said, "even the happiest honeymoon that was ever spent. I suppose we must go back to our rooms."
"Must we yet? Let us stay out till the last minute. Perhaps we shall never have such an evening again together, with the moonlight on the sea."
"We'll come here next year," he answered laughing, "and after a year of happiness it ought to be better still. Why are you pessimistic?"
Rachel was silent for a moment, then she said, "I'm afraid of your work."
"Afraid? Why?" He leant towards her in surprise. ”

“ Once more they were together in its pathway as they had been on that evening on the sea at Southwold, but now they were unconscious of it, as they were together in the city that has no need of the sun neither the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God did lighten it and the Lamb is the Light thereof.
When the villagers heard that Rachel had died of heart failure on the same day as her husband they mourned and wept. So young, they said, to die! Two valuable lives given for the sake of a poor sick baby of a drunken woman! What a waste of life! ”

“ Rachel felt all on edge and wondered how she could bear many more mornings like the one she was spending. Yet she was well aware that Mrs. Greville meant all she said and did in kindness. And now and then she had noticed quite a nice smile flit across her face. Yes, she must try to love her; but this type of person she had never come across. Somehow she had never imagined for a moment that the mother, whom Luke loved so devotedly, would be like Mrs. Greville. She could not but compare her with her own sweet pussy mother, with her low, musical voice. ”

“ Then unable to restrain her feelings, she added, "She just spoils everything, and I am so afraid of Luke finding it out; he is so devoted to her."
The Bishop was silent.
"The worst of it is," said Rachel, after a slight pause, "I can't talk it over with Luke, so there is a secret always between us. Don't you think it was horrid of her to tell people how incapable she thinks me? The result is that I can't help Luke in his work; people don't believe in me." ”

“ Rachel rose, she felt now was her opportunity to speak of what had been long on her mind.
"If you would only talk things out with me instead of keeping me in such complete ignorance of parish matters," she said with a little sob which Luke did not notice as his mind was full of his hopes being frustrated. "I can't help making mistakes when I know nothing. Why don't you sometimes consult with me?" The effort to speak and yet to say nothing that would give him a hint of her feelings towards his mother was so great, that she found herself trembling and leant against the mantle piece for support. ”

“ And Rachel, sitting by his side on the soft moss, kept her eyes away, and wondered if all men were as ignorant of a woman's heart as Luke, or whether it was just because he lived so much up in the clouds that he had never studied human nature. ”

“ To Rachel, the Sunday on which he mentioned the matter was a most painful day; though she was glad that Luke had spoken out on what was much on his mind.
"I am beginning to think," he said, on sitting down to dinner after the service, "that my time in the parish is about over. It seems to me my influence for good is not strong enough. It wants a stronger man than I am here."
"You are tired," said Rachel. "That's what is making you downhearted. Last week was such a very heavy one for you. In a day or two you will see things differently." ”

“ We all admire a man who is not afraid to speak out. But when it comes to flouting those who have been kind and considerate, and who never hesitate to give money for the work, it is a different matter. Luke has done a bad thing for the parish by his action of last night."
"People would never have believed in his convictions again if he had given way," said Rachel.
"Well now, don't you go and encourage him in that kind of thing," said Mrs. Greville. "I hope that you recognise the fact that Luke is not a paragon of wisdom, neither can any one turn him from what he imagines his duty. ”

“ I fancy everything would be larger and more important in London. It is just the petty matters that worry me."
"Human nature is the same everywhere. I expect you would find small souls in a London parish just as you do here."
"Would you very much object to London?" asked Luke. "Not that there is the slightest chance of me being offered a Church there. But it is the dream of my life. Fancy working in the very hub of the Universe. ”

“ Luke leant his head on his hand which rested on the mantle piece and fixed sad eyes on the girl. He was too perplexed and worried to speak.
"Rachel positively slaves for you," continued Gwen unmercifully, "but you don't see or notice. Why only the other evening she carried a heavy coal scuttle into the dining-room and you were so deep in your paper that you never saw. You don't see or know half that goes on. But all men are alike. Certainly from all I see of married life I never intend to marry; if I do I am determined to be an old man's darling rather than a young man's slave." ”

“ Happily the pie did not arrive from Evesham's till her mother-in-law had disappeared. Rachel found Polly regretfully contemplating it as it lay on the kitchen table.
"It's such a beauty!" she said to Rachel as she came in. "It's ever so much nicer than the one Mrs. Greville brought. It has such a pretty edge, and is varnished like, and there's a piece of parsley sticking out of the top. The other looks ever so plain by its side." ”

“ There are two workers at once."
"Oh, you must not think of me as a worker," said Rachel. "I can only just live." She had been more conscious of her weakness since her mother-in-law's advent than ever before.
"My dear, of course you cannot be a worker in the ordinary sense. But believe me you would feel all the better with something to interest you a little. It never does anyone any good to lie and think about themselves all day. ”

“ I don't think a man has any right to marry a girl and then to keep her entirely to himself just to make his home comfortable, when there is God's work to be done. I think you should trust her with God. It is no good keeping people blissfully ignorant of the sin that abounds. Besides, ignorance is not innocence. It is almost as if you were leading her about blindfold."
"My mother felt very strongly about it," said Luke. And yet for the first time a suspicion crossed his mind that possibly he was denying to Rachel from selfish motives, the wonderful privilege of working for God in the Parish. ”