Francis C. Woodworth

“ Now this horse, who was called Old Ironsides, was as famous for his kicking habits as Cæsar was for his sheep-killing. He seemed to take up kicking as a sort of amusement, to [61] while away his leisure hours. It was a wonder that Mr. Marble kept him; for he had kicked the old chaise to pieces several times; and as to his stable, he made nothing of kicking off all the boards within reach of his heels, every few nights, just for the fun of the thing, and to show what mighty deeds he could do with his heels. ”

“ What is the use in making such a fuss about a sheep or two? The loss of one sheep won't break any body. What can't be cured, must be [43] endured. People must take care of their sheep, if they don't want them to be killed.
That is the way this selfish, narrow-minded farmer reasoned and talked. You can see, plainly enough, that he was not the sort of man to be very much respected in the neighborhood. He was not respected. In fact, there was not, in all the parish, a more generally unpopular man than Billy Birch. ”

“ My little friend, your questions come out so fast, and there is such a long string of them, that they make me think of the way a whole pack of fire crackers go off, when you touch a coal [28] to one of them, and throw the whole into the street. I am going to tell you ever so many things about this same Mike Marble. Before I get through with him, you will get very well acquainted with him, I think. But Uncle Frank, you know, has got some oddities himself. When he has got any thing to do, he, too, has his own way of doing it. ”

“ They know it well enough. They have eaten birch bark, many a time; and, for ought I know, some [46] of them have felt a tingling sensation in the region of the back and legs, brought about by the use of birch twigs in the hands of some schoolmaster.
Well, Moses Ramble was crossing Billy Birch's woods one day in the spring of the year. For awhile, he whistled along, as merry-hearted as the blue birds that had just returned from their southern tour, and who were chirping on the branches over his head, breaking off, now and then, a few sprigs of birch, from the trees along his path. ”

“ Some of his nearest neighbors thought they could count a great many worldly spots upon him. I don't know how that was, as I never was acquainted with the man, and ought not to judge him too harshly. Indeed, Uncle Frank must endeavor to keep in mind, that with what measure we mete it shall be measured to us again. But from all the shreds and patches of his history that have come down to the present day, Mr. Birch does seem to have been a selfish man, and a great deal too fond of money. ”

“ God grant that we may know how to value our blessings, that we may ever be thankful for them, and that we may not abuse the liberty that has been given to us. I do not want my young readers to grow up, with their hearts full of the spirit of war. I love peace more than war. War I know to be a terrible thing. ”

“ But there are a multitude of other people who are odd, and whose oddities cannot be accounted for in the same way. They are odd, because they were born so. They are odd, because they cannot help being odd. If they should try, with all their might, to do as most of their neighbors do, they would make perfect dunces of [19] themselves; for every body, old or young, makes a dunce of himself, and nothing else, whenever he undertakes to be what he is not—whenever he undertakes to be somebody else. ”

“ But it did no good. "They must keep their sheep out of the way," the selfish man would say. "Cæsar is a capital family dog. I don't know what I should do without him—he is so faithful." That was as much satisfaction as they could ever get. Billy Birch would not shut up his dog at night, and as for killing him, that was out of the question. He would rather lose his best [58] horse than Cæsar. True, the neighbors might have sued the owner of the dog, and have got the value of their lost sheep in that way. ”

“ When the tidings came to the neighborhood where Mike Marble lived, that Washington's noble band were [94] suffering every thing but death at Valley Forge, every man and woman, that could boast of any thing in the shape of a heart, were moved with pity. ”

“ I have hinted, too, in a sort of whisper, that I do not consider a man an absolute Pagan, because he happens to be a little odd. Something more than this I could say of Uncle Mike, odd as he was; but I guess you will find out what I think [33] of him, before I get through. Suffice it to say, that, while I didn't like him because he was odd, I did like him, in spite of his oddities. He was a fine old man. As the world goes, he was a most excellent man. He had his faults, a plenty of them; though I have sometimes thought ”

“ There is a man of my acquaintance, whom I could hunt up without much trouble, and who, if you should ever choose to give him a chance, would talk you deaf, and write you blind, about this sort of crotchets, together with all the members of that noisy family—breves, semibreves, minims, and what not! ”

“ Often, when he was standing at the door, or in his stable, they would go close to him, and pat him on his neck, and play with him, as if he were one of their own number; and the old fellow would take all their fun good-humoredly. ”

“ We regard him as one of the truest benefactors of his race; for he is as wise as he is gentle, and never uses his power over the child-heart, to instill into it the poison of false teaching, or to cramp it with unlovely bigotry. ”

“ One day, during that interesting season of the year when the farmers are busy making hay, Jake had [81] occasion to pass through Mr. Marble's meadow, with his fishing rod, on his way to the "deep hole," where, as every body in the neighborhood knew, multitudes of sun fish and perch were always to be found, ready for a nice bit of an angle-worm. ”

“ The older I grow, the more I feel inclined to let every man and woman, every boy and girl, act out himself, [16] or herself. "That is a singular fellow," we often hear it said. "He's as odd as Dick's hat-band. I don't know what to think of him. He seems to be a good sort of a man. But he is odd. His head is as full of crotchets as it can hold." ”

“ In these nests, there is usually more or less honey. Sometimes there is half a pint, or more. This honey is very palatable; and it is not an uncommon [112] thing for children to brave the danger of being stung by the bees, for the sake of capturing a nest and getting possession of its treasures. For myself, I never was ambitious of getting renown by such means as besieging a bumble-bee's nest. ”

“ He had forbidden Billy and his own [120] children having any thing to do with the sport. Still, it seemed Billy found means to amuse himself, now and then, in a sly way, by taking up a bumble-bees' nest.
One day, Mr. Marble and his men were engaged in the meadow, raking hay and carting it into the barn. Billy was in the meadow, too, at work among the hay, raking after the cart, I presume, as that used to be the task always allotted to me when I was of his age. ”

“ Suppose that some newspaper should give that item of news, don't you think folks would get the book, when it was published? and don't you think they would read it, or, at all events, skim it over, to see what kind of stuff Uncle Frank had been emptying out of his brain? I think so.
[13] Well, warts and corns are to the body what whims and crotchets are to the mind. The body has freaks—the mind has freaks. Warts don't exactly belong to the body. That is, there could be a very good sort of a body, without a single wart on it ”

“ Cæsar got to be a great hero in the sheep-killing business—a perfect Nimrod of a dog. It sometimes happens, I fancy, that soldiers who spend more [56] of their time in war, actually shooting people and cutting their throats, after a while, get to liking the trade, and take pleasure in slaughtering human beings, just as a carpenter or a printer might take pleasure in his trade. Well, it got to be somewhat so with Cæsar, it would seem ”

“ But he had his own way of doing every thing, and that way was very generally quite unlike most other people's way. No man ever liked better to do any body a good turn. But he had his crotchets about an act of charity, as well as about every thing else.
[128] A neighbor went to him once, to ask him for some money to aid him in building a barn. The old one had burned down, and it was a great loss to him, he said. He hardly knew how he should get along, unless his neighbor loaned him a little money.
But Uncle Mike refused the neighbor's petition. "Money was scarce, very scarce." ”

“ It is a common tradition among country boys, that white-faced bumble-bees never sting, and that you can take them in your hands with perfect safety. This [113] tradition may have truth at the bottom of it, or it may not. I cannot tell, and I shall not stop to debate the question now. It is certain that there is an insect, very much resembling the bumble-bee, and of about the same size, who, nevertheless, is a very different fellow. ”

“ Now, who knows but these crotchets will be worth hearing about? People write large, thick volumes, on drier topics than whims and fancies—that is, to my way of thinking—and I [11] suppose their books are read. Certainly they expect to have them read, or they would not make them. Then why may not my book on crotchets find readers?
If I were to write a book on warts and corns, don't you think the book would get read? I do. ”

“ Press a man, who is talking in this way about a crotchety neighbor, right up to the point, and you will generally find that the reason he does not like him is because he has a different way of saying and doing things from his own.
Now I believe that some folks are odd because they cannot help it. True, there are a great many who are odd, just for the sake of being odd. They are ambitious to be known as singular people. ”

“ The old man was so much delighted with this answer, that he not only laughed at it all the time he was at dinner, but he told it all over the neighborhood in less than a week.
"Well, Fred," said he, "I guess you've done enough of that sort of [142] work for one day. I want you to do two or three errands after you have done your dinner."
And he sent the lad to I don't know how many different places, to do all sorts of errands. Among other things he directed him to do, was to go to the store with money, to purchase some little articles for his wife. ”

“ Marble and his men were at work, [121] there was a large bottle containing water—nothing but water, reader; there was no rum drank on Mr. Marble's farm. Billy was sent after the bottle. He was gone a good while—longer, Mr. Marble thought, than was necessary. The matter was examined, when it turned out that Billy had got into trouble with a nest of bumble-bees. He had discovered a nest of these wretches, it appears; and, the temptation to wage war against them being very strong, he had stopped a moment, just to take up the nest. ”

“ Why, at this very moment, I can think of at least a dozen odd people, whom I am in the habit of meeting every day, and who, I verily believe, could no more help their oddities and crotchets than some of their neighbors [20] could help having warts come out on their hands. The crotchets are natural and unavoidable in one case—the warts are natural and unavoidable in the other. ”

“ It was a very natural taste, that of his old mare. And why didn't the parson, he should like to know, build his fence higher, if he didn't want his clover eaten up by other people's horses?
What was it to Billy Birch, if his dog did kill a neighbor's sheep, now [42] and then? What did he care, what should he care? If they were his own sheep, that would alter the case. But Cæsar never killed his master's sheep. Wasn't that kind in Cæsar? And as to this sheep-biting habit of his, why it is the nature of dogs to kill sheep. Cæsar must kill somebody's sheep ”

“ Instead of taking the public road that led directly to his father's house, he went through the gate that led into Deacon Stark's pasture, and [76] followed the cart-path through the woods. It was a great deal farther that way. But he went through the woods so as to get clear of his playmates. One of the deacon's hired men saw the boy, leaning against the fence, just at the edge of the woods. Poor fellow! he was crying, as if his heart would break. So the man said. Jake got the worst of it, in that affair. ”

“ Poor Cæsar! When he touched this planet again—for Old Ironsides had sent him up towards the moon, much farther than I should want to go, in that style—he was a lost dog. Old Ironsides, who proved to be as great [67] a hero, in his way, as Cæsar was, had killed him. The great enemy of sheepdom had ceased to breathe.
[68]
CHAP. VIToC "PAYING HIM OFF;" OR, AN ODD WAY OF SHOWING REVENGE.
Jacob Grumley, who was sometimes nicknamed Grumble, on account of a habit he had of finding fault with every thing and every body, went to the same school with Mike Marble. ”

“ The farmer and his boys were not at home at the time. Nothing was said, however.
Again Uncle Mike drove over to the mill; again he put on a load of timber; again he threw it off near the site of the old barn. Three loads were discharged there, and then he directed [131] his men to go home with the team. He himself went to one of his neighbors, and asked him if he had any timber of any kind already sawed at Squire Murdock's mill. ”

“ One of the boys thought it would be a good plan to turn over to the poor soldiers all the stockings and shoes belonging to the assembly. He thought they [105] could get along better walking on the snow with their bare feet, than the troops could. But some one, with a little more forethought than this generous-hearted speaker, suggested that the soldiers at Valley Forge would find it difficult to get on such stockings and shoes as the Blue Hill boys had to bestow. ”