Henry A. Shute

“ Chipper told Beany he done it and Beany he sed he dident hoap to die an cross his throte and then Chipper he held up the overhals and the hat and they both had I. M. Watson rote on them and so Beany has lost his gob this time forever so Chipper sed and he waulked Beany out by the ear. Beany told me honest he dident do it. he sed he pumped jest as hard as he cood becaus he dident want to let the wind go out. Chipper sed the reeson he pumped so hard was becaus he gnew that all the wind wood go into the squeel keys and sound awful. Beany feals prety bad over it becaus he needed the money. ”

“ Beany felt better and sed i was a trew frend. he says it is a pity things is as they is but he cant help it. a feller cant help they way he feals sumtimes. peraps i am lucky that Beany has cut me out for if i had cut him out i mite be xpecting to go to jale. if i hadent heard father tell them men to go to hell i wood be afrade of going tojale or the reform school. i dont beleeve reform school or jale is enny wirse then staying in your room when a circus paraid is going by on the nex strete.
i think i will wright about what has hapened tomorrow whitch is sunday. ”

“ Beany has got a gob as waiter in a resterrent. he got 50 cents yesterday. Pewt got 50 cents in working for a feler whitch has a lot of poasts and a lot of rings. the poasts is all numbered and they is a preasent for every poast. You give 10 cents to toss a ring. if you toss it good and it goes over a poast you get a gold wach or a 12 blaided gnife or a gold headed cain or a sigar or a whip or a doll or a glass pitcher. ”

“ Mother she was glad i told the truth and i did dident i? i dident hit her old cat, or killed it or drowned it or see it and i dont know where it is. mother told father about it when he come home from Boston and father sed dam her old cat. i wont have you bothered about her old cat. i wood have told her to go to the devel. mother laffed and sed no you woodent George you wood have felt bad and pitted her as i did. she is a poar old woman and it is two bad for ennyone to kill her pet cat. ennyway that is over and i aint got to wurry over my chickings enny more. ”

“ Then a woman sed you are the wirst boy in town and you are jest like your father was, and i sed i gess if you gnew what my father sed about you you woodent say much more and she tirned red and sed if that boy stays here i wont. it is a shaim to have sutch a boy at a desent picnic or with desent peeple.
then they all got round me and jawed me and the minister sed i must go home and i sed all rite if i have got to go i wil taik my boat, and he sed verry well take your boat and go. i am verry mutch disapointed in you. ”

“ A boy is going to raise tune or he aint a boy and you mite as well put him into skerts to onct. i never gnew a puppy to grow up into a good dog unless he chewed up slippers and spoilt moar things than he was wirth. then mother sed that depends on what you call a good dog. if you meen a dog whitch is all the time fiting that is one thing but if you meen a real good dog that is another thing. then father he sed i woodent give a cent for a dog that cant fite. a god dog that is groan up dont care to fite but will if he has to. and a good man dont cair to but will if he has to. ”

“ Mrs. Sofire Peezly Exeter New Hampshire dear Misses Peezly. i am verry sorry for hollering to Beany them things about you. when you had that fit i suposed it was becaus you was mad and i was kind of mad two becaus i had been cheeted out of my fifty cents by the minister, becaus i cougt a eal after they had told me to do it. then i remembered that my father had sed once that you had them fits when you wanted sumthing and kept having them until you got what you wanted and that he pitted mister Peezly. so i dident think when i hollered to Beany and i wish you wood pleese forgive me. ”

“ They tride Pewt and then Game Ey Watson, Beanys brother but they was wirse than Micky. so they hired Beany. he is the best and only lets the wind out one or two times every sunday and the organ sounds like a goos but that aint so bad as going to sleep and hollering goldarn it lemme alone is it?
we had a new minister today, miser Larned has gone away for all summer. the new minister preeched about not killing flise and buggs and wirms and bumbelbeas and yeller jacket hornits. he sed they had a rite to live jest as mutch as peeple and we hadent augt to kill them. ”

“ Beany says Pewt dont get fifty cents a year. Pewt woodent wirk if he dident get paid. he always has got money too. so i gess he gets sum pay. i almost never have enny money xcept when i let my boat and bisness is poar this summer. i doant beleve i have ernt 2 dollars this summer. i think father had aught to pay me fer all the wirk i do. i am tired of that old sheep. i wish a dog wood come in some day and kill it. we all like the lamn. it is geting so it can eat grass a little. evry day i ty the old sheep out in the grass. i wish it was ded. evry time it baas i have to give it sumthing. ”

“ A bullfrog swalows the other bullfrog hoal. he chews him up inside like a hen or a boar constricter only he dont squash him ferst. i am glad i am not a bullfrog and havent enny teeth in my stomack. how cood a dentist pull a tooth in a fellers stomack if it aiked. how cood a feller tell wether it was a tooth aik or a stomack aik. wood a feller die if he maid a mistaik and had a dentist pull a tooth whitch was in his stomack when it dident aik but his stomack did. if i was a bullfrog i shood like to know them things. ”

“ So i have been thinking over what i have did and sed and i am very mutch ashaimed of myself. if enny other feller had went and sed things about my mother and sister or about aunt Sarah and my father that i sed about old Rody Shatuck and Misses Peezley and Decon Aspinwall i wood have felt like giving him a bang in the snoot. i wood have did it if he wasent two big, and if he was i wood have triped him up sum nite with a roap or plunged him with ripe tomatose or rotten egs when he had got on his best close. ”

“ A man asted what we et and he sed live rabits and chickings and sometimes frogs. well peeple kep coming in droves and bimeby i see Beany an Pewt come. Beanys eyes were jest like sorcers. i laid down and snarled a litle and i pertended to be asleep and snarled in my sleep like a dog does. i wanted Beany to come near me and so i kep quite and bimeby Beany and Pewt come close to the platform and i make a gump at them and let out the loudest yowl and maid the feerfullst face i cood. ”

“ June 29st. i just took it eezy to-day. the ferst day of vacation always seams to me like when you find a five cent peace in a pair of your last years britches. you can spend it for ennything you want and you havent got to save it or put it in your bank or by sumthing that you need. so yesterday after school closed i split up wood enuf for today and sunday, and today i just dident do nothing. a man and 2 wimen hired my boat and wanted me to row them up river but i told them i had a weak arm. ”

“ Pewt says he heard his mother say that the dorsons xpect a baby pretty soon. so we all agreed that wood be the place to put it.
we all got jawing about where we shood put the picture of the elefant. Beany thougt it had augt to go on Horris Cobbs front door. Pewt thougt it had augt to go on old mister Gechels store and i thougt it had augt to go on Fatty Frogs house. Horris Cobb is the fattest man in town but he aint tall. odd mister Gechel is feerful tall, almost ten feet i gess but he aint verry big as Fatty Fogg is lots taller than Horris and 3 times as big round as old mister Gechel. ”

“ Ed Tole brougt up his rooster and had arainged a fite with Gimmy Fitzgeralds rooster but jest as they was going to set them a going the old minister called to see if i was ded and when he found i wasent he made a long call and praid fer me and told me i had sinned deaply but wood be forgiven if i had faith. all the time i cood see Ed and Gimmy peeking round the corner of the barn and wateing till the old minister had went so they cood have their rooster fite. i was afrade they wood have it behine the barn where i coodent see it and i thout that old minister never wood go. ”

“ Rody Shatuck called me a misable brat and old Missis Peezly called me a low minded retch and made a mosshun as if she was going to paist me one with her old umbrela, but father told me to set down in a chair by mother then Angelina sed to mother that she augt to be ashaimed of herself for incurageing me in my criminallity. that is what she sed but i dident know what she ment. but father who had not yipped a single yip sence i went in sed loud now look hear Misses Shatuck i want you to understand that you must keep Missis Shute out of this discussion. ”

“ Old Francis lickings is wirse than 2 or 3 of another fellers lickings but aint so bad as 30 or 40 lickings whitch a feller is shoar to get if he tells on anuther feller to say nuthing about the girls running their tungs out at you and calling you tattle tail and stiking their nose up in the air when they goes by you whitch maiks a feller feal prety cheep whitch is sumtimes wirse than a licking. ”

“ Pewt sed what are you doing Plupy and i sed saying my prairs before going to bed. then Pewt sed huh and kept quiet and i went on wirking and wisling as if i was aloan. bimbye Pewt sed if you take a hammer and drive the screw in a little way it will taik hold and i sed sort of scornful is that so and he sed yes that is so and if you want to get that screw in this weak you had better do as i say. i dident say ennything only grunted and kep wirking until it broak the head of the screw off then Pewt begun to laff and said there what did i tell you. let me show you how to do it Plupy. ”

“ I dident miss today. neether Pewt or Beany spoke to me. tonite i done my choars and went and set on the steps and wached the fellers playing in Beanys yard. i felt prety bad. father sed what is the matter with you. i sed nothing and he sed you have been acking like a sick cat for a weak why dont you go over and play with the boys and i sed i dont want to. he sed you havent had a fite with Elbridge, Elbridge is Beany you know, and i sed no. ”

“ Me and Pewt and Beany all got a chance to take a gob. the man that hollers for Julia the snaik charmer offerd us 1 doller apeace if we wood stand up on the platform and let a boar constricter coil around us and then Julia the snaik charmer wood come out and charm the snaiks and save our lifes. you bet we dident take that gob. ”

“ Pop Clark asked what a feller had augt to do if a mad dog come down the street fomeing at the mouth and biting and taring rite and lef, or if a poizen adder or ratlesnaik coiled round your hine leg. the minister sed if it caim to be a question of the life of a human being or of an animal or a reptil of coarse the life of a human being shood be spaired. so he has got sum sence but not mutch. ”

“ Pewt is the secritery becaus he can wright so good and Beany is the tresurer becaus it dont cost ennything to get in and he aint got enny money to taik cair of. the objeck of the club is to do tuf things and not get found out. i aint got time to wright enny moar about it tonite becaus we aint had a reglar meating of the club yet. we are going to have one tomorrow after chirch and wright out a consecration and bi laws. ”

“ Potter Goram give them to me. they is full groan and verry hansum. one is a hen hork and the other a red taled hork. gess what i naimed them. one is Hork and the other Spitt. mother sed those were dredful naims but i think they are prety good ones. i feed them on meat and fishes and rats and mice. if you poak them with a stick they grab it with his claus and hiss like a snaik. there eys is yellow. i dont let folks poak them.
tonite i called a meating of he Terible 3. i had rote the record of what we had did and Pewt had coppied it. ”

“ July 30 186—-i have to cut grass for them sheep evry day now and it taiks a lot of time when i cood be fishing. i never see such things to eat. always baaing for sumthing to eat. today they et a whole cabbije i hooked out of J. Albert Clarks garden, and a bushel of grass i cut over by the high school and sum carots and sum meal and hay and a lot of potatoe pealings and 2 peaces of lettis and drank haff a pale of water and tiped over 3 whole pales full. one is tame and follows me round. ”

“ II. evry member shall be reddy to lie for another member when ever he can help him by liing. if he can help him by teling the trooth he will be xpected to do so if he can.
III. if a feller gets cougt he is xpected to lay it on to sum feller whitch is likely to do them things whitch he is cougt for doing.
IV. the fellers whitch is most likely to do the things whitch a feller is most likely to get cougt for doing is Fatty Gilman, Skinny Bruce, Tady Fenton, Jack Melvin, Whack, Pozzy and Bug Chadwick, Fatty Melcher, Pop Clark, Hiram Mingo, Ben Rundlett, Ed Tole and several others. ”

“ Cele come up and read Wild Mag the Trapers Bride and a new novil Dair Devvil Dave the Dead Shot. she oferred to read the 92th palsam to me but i told her i dident feal strong enuf yet so she read 2 more chapters of Dair Devvil Dave instead.
Beany come over with a tame rat tide with a string. he wasent very tame and bit Beany 2 times. Potter Goram brogt his collexion of butterflise and a live green snaik. mother woodent come in until he put the snaik in his poket. ”

“ Cele sed she wood do my xamples for me and i cood copy them in the morning. it is awful hard to give up your frends becaus they have a bad effect on you. i bet it is harder than to give up licker after a man has been a drunkerd all his life. it dont seam to be hard for Pewt and Beany to give me up. they seam to have more fun than ever befoar. enny way i have got to get used to it. father says you can get used to enything if you taik time enuf.
October 9, 186—-rany today and windy. about a milion leeves blowed down today. tonite we had a fire in the air tite stove and it seamed moar cheerful. ”

“ Aunt Sarah says he always does when there is a chane for a fite.
this is the ferst time in my life i ever hoaped school wood begin. ennything is beter than staying in your room.
September 15, 186—-school begun today and i went. i dident supose i ever wood ruther go to school than stay in my room espeshully a school whitch is taugt by old Francis. but they is always sumthing lively taiking place in old Francis school. ”

“ July 21, brite and fair. i dont cair this time for it seems good to go to the Unitarial once more. i bet Beany is glad. i bet Pewt is two. i staid in the barn until chirch time feeding my sheep. Keene was mad and sed i smelt awful barny. Keene feels prety big becaus she aint got to set in the same phew with me. Beany got stang by a hornet in the organ lof and one side of his face was all swole up. evry time he wood look out everybody laffed. so after chirch old chipper Burly told him he coodent blow the organ ennymore becaus he made faces and made the peeple laff. ”

“ Well Beany sed his father was papering sum rooms in Masonick block in the 2th story for General Maston and that he was going to Portsmuth tonite to a masonick meating. so Beany sed he wood get the kee of the office and we wood go up there and lock the door and open the windows easy and not have enny lite birning and we cood see evrybody in the square and nobody cood see us and he gessed mister pedler wood think sumbody had throwed a skunk at him. ”

“ September 5, 186—-i got up erly this morning befoar father went to Boston and took cair of Nellie and swept out the stable and luged in the water and split a lot of wood and blacked fathers boots and set up and had breckfast with him. i was hoaping he wood let me go out of the yard. but he dident say nothing about that but did say i had got to get up evry morning befoar he goes away and do my chores i done them so well this morning. i thougt that was a prety mean thing for him to do. i wished i hadent got up. well tonite father he caime home mad and sed i was the bigest fool he ever see. ”

“ September 29, 186—-today they almost skined me alive. i feel like a haol pimpel all red and swole up. after they get throug skining me with soft sope and bristol brick and seesand they greece me all over. they are using mutten taller now becaus lard is too xpensive so mother says, and father says it suits me for i am the champeen mutten hed. i ges i am a quadrune now. it taiks me a hoal day to get over being skun so they can skin me again. i asted father why he coodent put me in a tirning laith and tirn me down jest like they maik wheal hubs down to old Gus Browns hub shop. ”

“ Ed went first with the lantern and when he saw what it was he sed it is a snaping tirtle as big as a wash boiler. sum darn fool has tide it to the gnob. so George sed sumone cut the roap and we will get him and Warrin he sed look out them snapers will taik a mans hine leg off at 1 snap and Ed sed hell i aint afrade and he cut the roap with his ax and the old snaper fell on the steps and begun to craul off and Ed grabed the roap and yanked him onto the sidewaulk and he sed hold the lite Warrin and let the snaper bite a stick and i will cut his hed off. ”