Iris Barry

“ Oh what an icy bath our little friends then got from the stares of those ladys and men.
“I am Boom,” said the faint-looking man stroking his long hair with unction. “I do not think you are one of us. You do not understand.”
“O come!” cried our hero, getting his back up a bit although Selia was tramping on his feet under the festive board’s legs. “We are quite new to the game, I know, but for all that we know a countess or two. Be a sport old chappy. Let me tell the blackie to get you a coffee if you dont care for anything stronger.” ”

“ Selia gave a bow and muttered pleased to meet you.
“We are seeing life,” Mr. Withersq went on after this little interruption. “We have been to a party and danced and slept with the very creme of London, baronnesses and what not, and yet not an hour ago I was insulted. The creture that is called Boon gave me the bird and my Selia too, because he is so proud to be a poet. Make me a poet, make my lady a poet too if you can, and I will pay you well and pay them out.”
“That will do,” said the teacher. ”

“ Withersq stumped into the hall as he had had an idear.
“Trot me out the boss!” he cried to the trembling girl in the glass desk there and she ran for him.
When he came he was fat and red.
“I am the manager” he utered.
“So?” said Mr. Withersq knowing well that would make him feel small. “Well I am Mr. Withersq, my unckle Burt has left me many millions, I have my lady Selia with me, I am the Head Poet of the Land and I wish to rent your second and third floors all to myself one for me and one for her, as only the best will do for us.” ”

“ Selia was indeed grand.
“Kiss me then” said Harold to be done with [80] it, during which she wetted a new handky and rubbed the ink off his nose.
“If I may say so you are rather smart to look at now” he said, “I think that you will be a credit to me and no doubt your time will come.”
“Ah that it might” lisped she sorely with a tear, “for of a truth the ladys are none to nice to me when you are absent and I have many a bitter stair with that sideways turn of the head which is so proud from some no better than me but safely married. ”

“ After a gaze in the mirror which pleased her as she looked quite like a lady by now with waved hair and a sleek traily gown of black with lace streamers hanging, and all her neck and front and half her back bare, she sailed from the room as Scrogg told her a rather diffrent walk is needed in the evening much more snake-like. Entering once more the eating-apartment, she found the white-hatted chef alone, altho’ the table was set. ”

“ A tall man like a sarjent stood graveley at the door of the shop Mr. Withersq led his love to, and this tall man pretended to be undoing the door of a motor car when he saw them stopping at the door, and offered Selia his arm as if she was stepping out of her car and then led her up to the door as though she were someone although she had simply come on foot. ”

“ Soon they struck a cosy little pub where a man was hissing outside over the feet of a horse which he was washing. Selia looked at the horse which exchanged her glance but Mr. Withersq looked in the pub. He came out in a short moment to find his sweet leaning against the animal. ”

“ Panter, you must have heard of him” said the Countess. “He makes reputations.”
“Is that so” said Selia who was keeping her end up very well, “what does he make them of?”
“Ah dear girl you do not understand” simpered the other lady, “we always ask him down for when one gets a bit stale of people and they have not done anything in the way of [133] a stunt lately, he makes up such sweet little stories about everyone that they become quite nice again, and for some he makes up entire reputations for a consideration, and they live on them.”
“Oh I see” said Selia “it is a business.” ”

“ Meantime the crowd was crowding something awful all round the socierty part and staring and the newspaper men were taking photos and scribbling in books about it. Oh what a moment! Almost for a tick Selia [146] wished Mr. Withersquashes Unckle Burt had never passed away, but then girding herself up, and blushing a little at the roar of cheers that rose when the crowd saw that she was a sport, she tossed off her hat with a proud toss, and summoned for a bat.
“Come on then!” she yelled to the head lady tennis players. ”

“ And Rupert and Gerald Majpottel now came tripping up and cried “Hi! This way for the lady tennis champions! Anyone want to try their strength? Walk up and try to beat the Lady Selia!” This made the company laugh very harty to hear the brothers go on in this way, which was their little joke and did a lot of good. For the head lady tennis players who had been lounging idly in chairs behind the King and Queen now sprang fiercely forward on hearing this cry of the Majpottels and said “Here we are!” ”

“ Harold Withersquash drew near to the humbel home of his Selia. She was just a low born girl but none could beat her at playing the piano.
Mr. Withersquash mutered: “She will do,” and wrapt the door with a clatter. ”

“ When visiters come in on the hop as you have they generally want a brush and washup by the time they arrive.”
“Yes traveling does make one so fussely, does not it” cried Selia in a boomy tone which caused the admiral to open wide his admiring eyes as he had no doubt thought she would be quite common and was glad to find it was not so after all. ”

“ Oh what a treat for Selia! Drawn up to the footwark what should be there but a motor [92] car painted blue with a blue-coat man to drive it and on the door was painted £sd just as Mr. Withersq had had put on all his underlinen.
“It is for us” said he proudly, so they stepped in, the man snapt the door to, and drove to the park.
Hardly had they arrived there when a very nice thing occurred for as they glided along the smooth path between the trees, looking very chic and bored, who should they meet but the Countess who had been at the party the first night they burst upon a startled world. ”

“ Now these new folk, most men in servicable suits and white collars wearing nose-glasses before their keen eyes but a few ladys in prim attire, stepped up and they were all from newspapers, for the fame of Harold Withersq had spread and he was the talk of the hour. ”

“ There was hundreds and dozens of waiters all totally black teeming about the room, and [23] all along the floor stood a great tabel like in pictures of the last supper. Many smart people sat rather sprawly at it and listened to the words of a man very similar looking to those Mr. Withersq and Selia had beholded the night before at the party. And meanwhile they chewed their food. Also several young ladys some soberly in round black specs but some also a bit dashing with scarlet lips and several oldish ones too, all lolled on the table on elbows and smoking like chimneys. ”

“ While as to the robes that her loving Harold streud on her no tongue could tell for there was a high stepped lady all to themselves that taurght them what to by and for when which is the worst to know and the things piled up like greased litning till all the persons in the shop left their jobs and all the people too and the boys that wizz the lifts up and down too and all followed and stared to see so rich a man prepar his fate. ”

“ Falling into talk as men will they had begun to exchange the latest tales, some not too nice, and indeed most of what Harold had brought with him from the lower world but he thought that the limerick poet would not mind as poets always like low life. ”

“ Withersq gave him a sixpence and let him go.
“Dear me” said he waving away the chauffeur who took off the car, “we are nicely sold and shall get no grub.”
“Yes indeed” said Selia very crossly “I think we had better go home again” for she had a vacancy.
“Not so” cried he “we have not come so far for nothing. Come with me.”
Now Selia was more than a bit tired and only followed him because she hoped to be fed rebuffing his kindly arm, she tottered on her high heels beside him in smothering rage. [126] But past experiences had taught our hero. ”

“ Selia was overcome with blushes, for she had learnt to love her Harold by now, and very much fancied herself as his wife, though this was the first he had said of it.
“It is all right for you,” replied Rupert, “seeing you have come in to a good bit of money and are now the head poet, although [51] not quite the thing in some ways if I may say so without offence.” ”

“ Withersquash is a very suitable one for the job. I therefore here and now award him the head poet of England. Three cheers for him. Go it, boys!”
“Ah ah” they screemed. “Hurrah-hurrah-hurrah! That is charming!” All the young [41] lady poets and all the young gentlemen poets jumped for joy because the new poet had sprung from their school.
The teachers and classes now drew in a ring round our hero clasping his Selia. The old lady servant who had opened the door to our heros now entered bearing a golden hat-box which she presented with a touching curtsy to the head teacher. ”

“ Withersquash hurrying behind, but kissing his hand to the company who smiled sweetly upon him.
When they got in the car Selia sniffed a good bit and tried to cry because she was sorry for herself but she only managed a very little tear, which Mr. Withersq wiped up for her.
“Do not cry” said he “for those silly cats. They have nothing better to do but to try and steal a little greatness from such as us. The time will come for them to sue for your [123] favors as they do mine and then we shall see.” ”

“ Panter leaves ladys to look after their own reputations, dont you sir?” and this remark drew a laugh from a priestly looking damsel with [134] many ropes of pearls about her elegant long neck, lolling in a deckchair near their feet, so Selia was now introduced to her and as well as she could grasp this lady did nothing but be an earl’s sister because of course if you are nobel that is enough and saves many pains.
“I hear” said the earls sister who was most languid and archy in her way of speaking and holding herself, “that Mr. Bross is learning Welsh.” ”

“ And she rapidly mopped odor cologne on to his brow cuasing him to sneze which eased him.
“Well it is a kind of ilness but very odd and you will not catch it” he said. “And I think it was a trick tho’ meant well by the limerick-poet as you will see.”
[104] “How so?” said Selia very bold for she would have tore his enemys in half.
“Well to cut a long story short, I have got a kind of hidden passion which is nawing at my heart, and that is why I cannot write any more poems.”
“What did the Doctor do to you” urged she eager to get to the point and hear the worst, “did he operate?” ”

“ The fat lady now undid her flowing cape and dropped it down, very lighthearted, draped as she was in a quantity of muslin, rather limp perhaps, but striking, and then she took off her slippers, and already having no stockings on was now barefoot and began to dance and show off in the middel of the room, tied round the haunch with gold stuff, and waggeled and bobbed herself about to the notes of the gramafone. ”

“ Withersq. “What you mean is that Selia must have her bit of success too, do you?”
“Well, yes,” said the brothers, “it is a hard world for the ladys if they are not quite the thing, and you see when a lady is a wife, she must be up to all the ways of the world else she looks a bit silly doesn’t she, and people dont come to see her you know, which is rather a bore.”
“Give us a few handy tips,” said Selia for she was not so stuck up but what she was willing to try and go one better. ”

“ He topped it all by ordering gloves by boxfuls, a fan as curly as a ostrich and under attire by wisper for his sweet, which she went into a littel privet part to chose herself.
And they went out of that shop most [60] exceeding grand dressed all in new things scruffing their shoes on the floor to take the shiny off, carrying parcels all eyes glaring upon them and left boxes and boxes full to come on by Carter Pattisen.
“Taxi, sir?” asked the sarjent-looking man at the door bowing more low than at first. ”

“ Withersquash.
At that the assembly seemed quite cordiel and all pressed forward to shake hands. A gent in kaki drew Selia to a well-stuffed couch altho eyeing her white embrey dress in amaze and embracing her politely began to have a nice chat. Mr. Withersq on the other hand when he saw it was the thing, after a litel also embrased a few of the lushous women one by one, but now and then he gave a good wink of glee over their shoulders to Selia.
[13] “Ha, ha,” he thought to himself. “Money always talks.” ”

“ Withersquash in rather a sloppy mode for to make no mystery she had cut the land from his feet by her plane ways.
“Selia!” the good woman borled, “Come on out and never mind your hair-curlers, it’s only young Withersquash again.” She knew no better than to be so plane, not having edducation.
“Dezist moddam,” cried Mr. Withersquash, “and list. My unckle Burt is dead!”
“Him dead, well I never!” the chaste ample matron replied with a kindly twist at her handsom broch of platted hares, “What ever next!” ”