Isaac Asimov

“ My name is not Isaac Asenion! Any one who says it is is a dirty liar. When I first saw that name appended to a letter, I was puzzled. Can this be mine? said I. Yes, answered I, it must, for its literary composition proves that it can only have been written either by yourself or by an illiterate Australian bushman—and illiterate Australian bushmen don't read Planet Stories (one of the reasons why they remain illiterate Australian bushmen) . Besides, added I, Asenion knocks love interest and any letter knocking love interest is yours a priori. ”

“ Please, Mr. Asimov, Please Don't Cry, Everything Will Be All Right, Bye and Bye.
It is difficult to type this because salt tears are rolling down my rosy cheeks and are interfering with my vision. You see, I will have to plead in this letter—plead on hands and knees. ”

“ The reader's column in the current Planet Stories is saturated with reference to this Asenion. I have no doubt I shall soon get mail addressed to Asenion. Nothing I will ever be able to say will convince anyone I am not Asenion. ”