J. J. Bell

“ Pagan, though she had plenty o' fat, would shudder like a naspen leaf every time a door was opened. Miss Tinto catched a cauld in her head, and twa days later Mr. Shark catched a ditto, which made me feel mair hopeful for their future happiness, and wonder when and where the chased salute had took place.
Ye're no' to imagine that Mrs. Parkins grudged the blankets, but unfortunately a' the spare ones was awa' at the washin', and there was a strike on at the laundry. Troubles never comes single, and if ye get off wi' twa at a time ye're gey lucky. ”

“ Ye're gaun to get pigs in your beds this night!"
I didna wait to see the effect o' ma words, except that Mr. Shark dropped his cigarette into his coffee, and Miss Tinto let oot a wee quack, but I felt they would ha'e one cheery subject to talk aboot for the rest o' the evenin'!
Ah, me! If I could only ha'e foreseen what was comin'!
The cook was still huffy and wouldna help me, so it was late afore I was through wi' the washin' up. I suppose the gentry never thinks to coont up the number o' dishes they dirty in a day. ”

“ Parkins's orders.
"So ye canna ha'e your rapture to-night," I says. "But are nae pigs provided for us ones?" I speirs.
"Only twa."
"Weel, I'll be content wi' half o' that," I says.
"Oh, lassie," she says, "ma circulation's that bad, I've been usin' the twa since ever I cam' here! Could ye no' do without?"
"Ye're a greedy thing!" I tells her, "Come on—fair divide!"
"Aw," says she, "a young strong lass like you doesna need a pig. It'll warm ye jist to think hoo cosy your kindness is makin' me, eh?" ”