Leo Tolstoy

“ Indeed, it was not possible for me to doubt this love; each thought was instantly understood by him, each sentiment shared, each wish gratified. His unalterable serenity had vanished, here, or perhaps it had only ceased to cause me any irritation. I even felt that besides his old love for me he seemed now to find some new charm in me. Often, after a visit, after I had made some new acquaintance, or after an evening at home, when, with secret misgiving lest I should commit some blunder, I had been performing the duties of hostess, he would say to me:
" Well, my little girl! bravo! ”

“ It seemed to me, very sincerely, that my delight in my successes was only for his sake, and also because they enabled me to sacrifice even themselves for him. " One thing alone," I thought, " might be a danger to me in this life in the world: that is, that one of the men I meet here might conceive a passion for me, and my husband might grow jealous of him; but he had such confidence in me, he appeared to be so calm and indifferent, and all these young men seemed in my eyes so empty in comparison with him. ”

“ I did not go back to him, but into my own room, where I sat for a long time, crying, recalling with terror every word of our conversation, mentally substituting other words for those we had used, adding different and better ones, then reminding myself again, with a mingled sense of fright and outraged feeling, of all that had taken place. ”

“ Contrary to my anticipations, in the circles of society, even in those which seemed to me most select, I discovered many friends and connections of my husband whom he had never mentioned to me, and it often struck me as strange and disagreeable to hear him utter severe strictures upon some of these persons who seemed to me so good. ”

“ Petersburg like me; by that one, that if I chose there would not be a woman in society so sought after as myself. There was one cousin of my husband especially, Princess D., a lady of high rank and fashion, no longer young, who announced that she had fallen in love with me at first sight, and who did more than any one else to turn my head with flattering attentions. When, for the first time, this cousin proposed to me to go to a ball, and broached the subject to my husband, he turned towards me with an almost imperceptible smile, and mischievous glance, and asked if I wanted to go. ”

“ I replied, doubtfully, as I glanced at my husband. Our eyes met, and he turned away abruptly.
"I will persuade him to stay," said my cousin, " and on Saturday we will turn all heads, won't we?"
" Our plans would be disarranged, all our packing is done," I objected feebly, beginning to waver.
"Perhaps she had better go to-day, at once, to pay her respects to the prince!" observed my husband from his end of the room, with some irritation, and in a dictatorial tone I had never heard from him before.
"Why, he is getting jealous; I see it for the first time!" exclaimed our cousin, ironically. " ”

“ I made no answer.
"The greatest harm is not in the world, society, itself," he went on; "it is unsatisfied worldly aspirations that are so evil, so unhealthful. Certainly we must go, and we will go," he concluded, unhesitatingly.
"To tell you the truth," I replied, " there is nothing in the world I long for so much as to go to this ball!"
We went to it, and my delight was far beyond all my anticipations. At this ball, even more than before, it seemed to me that I was the centre around which everything was revolving ”

“ I said, putting myself in his way, and following him with my eyes. " Why do you speak to me in such a singular manner? I am quite ready to sacrifice this pleasure to you, and you, with sarcasm you have never before shown, you require that I shall go!"
"Come! come! You sacrifice yourself" (he laid strong emphasis on the word) , " and I, I sacrifice myself also! Combat of generosity! There, I hope, is what may be called ' family happiness.
This was the first time I had ever heard from his lips words so hard and satirical. ”