Mark Twain

“ I fancied I heard the shadowy Smiths chuckle at this feeble joke – the rare joke that there could be live loads of Smiths where all are dead.
"How many Smiths are present?"
"Eighteen millions – the procession now reaches from here to the other side of China."
"Then there are many Smiths in the kingdom of the lost?"
"The Prince Apollyon calls all new comers Smith on general principles; and continues to do so until he is corrected, if he chances to be mistaken."
"What do lost spirits call their dread abode?" ”

“ About one in fifty would rap, and the person who sent up the name would rise in his place and question the defunct. At last a spirit seized the medium's hand and wrote "Gus Graham" backward. Then the medium went skirmishing through the papers for the corresponding name. And that old sport knew his card by the back! When the medium came to it, after picking up fifty others, he rapped! A committeeman unfolded the paper, and it was the right one. I sent for it and got it. It was all right. However, I suppose all Democrats are on sociable terms with the devil. ”

“ Incredible as it may seem, the spirit cheerfully answered 'Yes' to that astonishing proposition.
The audience grew more and more boisterously mirthful with every fresh question, and they were informed that the performance could not go on in the midst of so much levity. They became quiet.
The German ghost didn't appear to know any thing at all – couldn't answer the simplest questions. Young Ollendorff finally stated some numbers, and tried to get at the time of the spirit's death ”

“ I am afraid the old man is scouring along rather too fast for the style of his surroundings, and the length of time he has got on his hands;) says spirits can not feel heat or cold, (which militates somewhat against all my notions of orthodox damnation – fire and brimstone;) says spirits commune with each other by thought – they have no language ”