P. G. Wodehouse

“ For there was no doubt that the Bray Lench fifteen was in a bad way. Even with substitutes our numbers only reached fourteen, and it seemed likely that we should have to take the field one short. Possibly even—galling thought—be reduced to applying to Ealesbury for a last man.
"There's lots of them would like to play," said Smith, "but what's the use of putting an absolute rotter into the team? He'd only spoil what little combination we've got. Much better play fourteen men who know the game fairly decently. ”

“ He had tackled like a machine, but the superior weight of our opponents had prevented up to the present anything in the shape of attack. Smith had been exhorting his forwards all the time to heel, and it was plain that the poor men were doing their best; but so far they had not succeeded. At last, however, more owing to the enemy kicking through than to our heeling, the ball came out on our side of the scrum, and our half flicked it out to his colleague, who handed it on to the Expert. And the Expert ran.
Even in International football I have never seen a finer run. ”

“ Peter's, purely on the strength of the latter's football. In short, that, owing to being clubless, Bray Lench had for years groaned beneath the scorn of its neighbour. Then Neville-Smith, aided by the curate, had started the club, and challenged Chalfont St. Peter's. And when, after two seasons of frightful disaster, they had at last got a team which had a chance of beating the rival fifteen, Fate had stepped in and removed their best men.
"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I said, when he had finished. "I'd have knocked off smoking like a shot. We must win. We'll play up like niggers." ”

“ I suppose he learned his football there. He's now come home for a holiday, just in time."
"Have you told him about the match? Have you seen him?"
"I told Tom to tell him. So it will be all right."
"Yes; but I think I'd just like to see him. I must get him to keep himself in hand till the match is over. These men drink much too much. All right if you've nothing to do, but no good just before a match. Can you reach that bell with your foot?" ”

“ Have another of these; they aren't bad."
I lit another cigar. As he had said, they were not bad.
"Don't you think you'll be able to get another man in time?" I said. "Why not wire to a 'Varsity man. ”