P. G. Wodehouse

“ It's meat and drink to them.'
'I wish the Mutual would leave,' said Vaughan. 'Only that sort of chap always lingers on until he dies or gets sacked.'
'He's not the sort of fellow to get sacked, I should say,' said the Babe.
''Fraid not. I wish I could shunt into some other House. Between Ward and the Mutual life here isn't worth living.'
'There's Merevale's, now,' said Vaughan. 'I wish I was in there. In the first place you've got Merevale. He gets as near perfection as a beak ever does. Coaches the House footer and cricket, and takes an intelligent interest in things generally. ”

“ Galloway had managed that evening to insinuate himself with such success into the good graces of the matron, that he had been allowed to stay in the House instead of proceeding with the rest of the study to the Great Hall for preparation. The palpable failure of his attempt to hide the book he was reading under the table when he was disturbed led him to cast at the Mutual Friend, the cause of his panic, so severe and forbidding a look, that that gentleman retired, and made for the junior study. ”

“ Tea put an end for the moment to conversation, but when the last sausage had gone the way of all flesh, Vaughan returned to the sore subject like a moth to a candle.
'It isn't only the not being head of the House that I bar. It's the man himself. You say you haven't studied Plunkett much. When you get to know him better, you'll appreciate his finer qualities more. ”

“ It's what he doesn't do that sickens me,' said Dallas. 'I may be a bit of a crock in some ways—for further details apply to Ward—but I can stop a couple of fags ragging if I try.'
'Can't Plunkett?'
'Not for nuts. He's simply helpless when there's anything going on that he ought to stop. Why, the other day there was a row in the fags' room that you could almost have heard at your place, Babe. We were up here working. The Mutual was jawing as usual on the subject of cramming tips for the Aeschylus exam. ”

“ Good?'
'My dear chap! Good's not the word.'
'Well, after you. Exit Livy, then. And a good job, too. You might pass us the great Sherlock. Thanks.'
He plunged with the great detective into the mystery of the speckled band, while Vaughan opened Great Expectations at the place where he had left off the night before. And a silence fell upon the study.
Curiously enough, Dallas was not the only member of Ward's House to whom it occurred that evening that the absence of the House-master supplied a good opportunity for a stroll. The idea had also struck Plunkett favourably. ”

“ I believe he would do some rattling times if he'd only try.'
'Why, Welch is a sprinter.'
'I know. But I believe for all that that the mile's his distance. He's always well up in the cross-country runs.'
'Anyhow, he's not in for it this year. Thomson's my man. ”