Rex T. Stout

“ Women fought with men in the mad stampede for freedom.
Shorty Benson, standing by the window, saw, in the street below, Mike O’Toole greeting with outstretched hands the first to get down the stairs. He heard the band strike up with renewed vigor. He turned to the door inside and saw the last of the nine hundred and sixty-four rush for the stairs; also, he saw Honest James Hamlin running towards him with frantic gestures.
“What shall we do, Shorty?” wailed James helplessly. “What shall we do?”
Shorty looked once more at the throng on the street below. They were forming to march. ”

“ James was almost angry. “No!” he shouted. “Good God! Why does everybody think I want something? I want you to understand once for all, Mr. Benson, that I am in this fight for the people! I want nothing! Assembly! Bah!”
“All right,” said Shorty, soothingly. “I know it ain’t much. But I thought for a starter—well, we’ll talk about that later. Now to get down to business. In the first place, my name ain’t Mr. Benson—it’s Shorty. In the second place, there’s only one guy that’ll cause us any trouble—and that’s Mike O’Toole. This district was mine till he butted in two years ago. ”

“ James, being dreadfully in earnest, ignored the sarcasm. “If I am honored by being chosen as their leader, I shall not flinch,” he said resolutely. “The industrial pirates must be shown that it is the people who rule. ”

“ We are not going to have any picnic.”
Only those who have either studied or participated in New York politics can appreciate the awful significance, the incredible folly, of this statement. A king can easier rule without an army or a woman without her beauty, than a district leader without his picnic. Shorty knew this; so it is no wonder that he leaped to his feet and roared:
“Good God! Are you crazy?”
“No,” said James, “I am not crazy. But I am through with pandering to the low appetites of the people. I was wrong ever to begin it. My true appeal is to the intellect, and not to the senses ”

“ He tried to keep his tone from showing disapproval as he said:
“What we want to do is to let the people understand that we are on their side. We are for the people.”
“Right-o,” said Mr. Benson, into his schooner of beer.
“And,” continued James, “in spite of their honesty, it must be admitted that they are ignorant. We must educate them.”
“Educate hell!” roared Shorty, without thinking. Then, at the look of pained surprise on James’ face, he quickly recovered. “What I meant, Mr. Hamlin, was this: you can’t educate ’em. Me and Red Barber’s been tryin’ it for years. You got to lead ’em.” ”

“ James paused for breath. The hall was silent—ominously silent.
“I have therefore arranged for a program which I am sure will meet with your enthusiastic approval. First. Mr. Henry Hightower, of Philadelphia, will address you on ‘The Power of the Individual in Politics;’ second, Mr. John Clay Brown will deliver his famous lecture on ‘Honest Government: Why Not?’; third. Professor Carlton Carlisle,of Columbia University, will talk about ‘Self-Reliance as a Power for Good’; and lastly, I myself shall have a few words to say about the future welfare of the district. ”

“ This thought worried him considerably; he fell to thinking of what would have been Abraham Lincoln’s opinion of this compromise with the unrighteous powers; he even felt, as did Lady Macbeth, that he was permeated with the odor of his crime,—only in his case it was nothing worse than beer. Studying the thing impartially, he was forced to admit that he had no reason to be proud of a victory won by such questionable tactics, and he resolved to purge his leadership of all taint at the earliest opportunity. ”

“ And what is your present ambition?”
“I shall begin in my own district, where I shall organize the masses. Reform, like charity, begins at home.”
“I see. And what about the—er—the sinews?”
“Oh, as to that,” said James loftily, “I shall of course expect your financial assistance.”
“Of course,” said the elder Hamlin, rising from his chair and starting to leave the room. “Of course—I don’t think. Your damned insolence is really admirable. ”

“ James repeated.
“Thank God!” said Shorty fervently. “And believe me, Mr. Hamlin, you won’t regret it.^’
“I don’t expect to,” said James shortly. “And now—”
“First,” Shorty interrupted, “where’ll it be? There’s Liebstein’s Casino, and Kelly’s Grove, and Murray’s Bay Park, and—”
“That,” said James, “I’ll take care of myself. The only thing you need to be interested in is the inviting. I’ll attend to everything else. Tell them to meet me at Columbia Hall on—what’s the date?”
“The twenty-second. Mike O’Toole pulls his off on the twenty-ninth—that’s a week from today.” ”

“ Of the Mike O’Toole Ataociation
At Kelly’s Casino, Whitestone, L. I.
But though Mr. Henry Hightower was the only one who could see, every one could hear. For a moment there was intense silence. A quiver like an electric shock ran through the throng. Then Dan Murphy leaped to his feet and started for the door.
“It’s O’Toole!” he shouted. “Come on, boys!”
Immediately the hall was in an uproar. The door was jammed by the sudden onslaught of struggling, pushing humanity. James, on the edge of the platform, was shouting something that nobody heard. ”

“ The longest-living author of this work died in 1975, so this work is in the public domain in countries and areas where the copyright term is the author's life plus 48 years or less. This work may be in the public domain in countries and areas with longer native copyright terms that apply the rule of the shorter term to foreign works. ”