Robert Sheckley

“ Hellman ignored that. "What kind of intelligent beings would evolve on a planet that is all mountains?"
"Stupid ones!" Casker said.
That was no help. But Hellman found that he couldn't draw any inferences from the mountains. It didn't tell him if the late Helgans ate silicates or proteins or iodine-base foods or anything.
"Now look," Hellman said, "we'll have to work this out by pure logic—Are you listening to me?"
"Sure," Casker said.
"Okay. There's an old proverb that covers our situation perfectly: 'One man's meat is another man's poison.'"
"Yeah," Casker said. ”

“ On the ground, it was enormous. Hellman and Casker walked up to it slowly. Hellman had his burner ready, but there was no sign of life.
"This planet must be abandoned," Hellman said almost in a whisper.
"Anyone in his right mind would abandon this place," Casker said. "There're enough good planets around, without anyone trying to live on a needle point."
They reached the door. Hellman tried to open it and found it locked. He looked back at the spectacular display of mountains. ”

“ The most efficient machine to go over those vertical, razor-sharp mountains would be an animal, probably with retractable suckers. It was kept in hibernation between trips; and if it drank water, the other products designed for it would be palatable, too. Of course they still didn't know much about the late inhabitants, but undoubtedly....
"Burn down that door!" Casker shrieked, his voice breaking.
Hellman was pondering the irony of it all. If one man's meat—and his poison—are your poison, then try eating something else. ”

“ He held it up for Casker to admire, then laid it carefully on the workbench beside the razor.
"Hell of a meal for two grown men," Casker said, flopping down in one of the ship's padded crash chairs.
"If you'd like to give up your share—" Hellman started to suggest.
Casker shook his head quickly. Hellman smiled, picked up the razor and examined its edge critically.
"Don't make a production out of it," Casker said, glancing at the ship's instruments. They were approaching a red dwarf, the only planet-bearing sun in the vicinity. "We want to be through with supper before we get much closer." ”

“ Hellman called out, standing in front of a large yellow vat.
"What does it say?" Casker asked.
"Little bit hard to translate. But rendered freely, it reads: morishille's voozy, with lacto-ecto added for a new taste sensation. everyone drinks voozy. good before and after meals, no unpleasant after-effects. good for children! the drink of the universe!"
"That sounds good," Casker admitted, thinking that Hellman might not be so stupid after all.
"This should tell us once and for all if their meat is our meat," Hellman said. ”

“ Belatedly, they noticed that the Plugger had filled almost a quarter of the room and was showing no signs of stopping.
"We should have believed the label!" Casker yelled to him, across the spreading glob. "It is dangerous!"
As the Plugger produced more surface, it began to accelerate in its growth. A sticky edge touched Hellman, and he jumped back. ”

“ Hellman hurried to the far wall. The door was locked, as the others had been, so he burned out the lock and went through.
How far could the glob expand? How much was two cubic vims? Two cubic miles, perhaps? For all he knew, the Plugger was used to repair faults in the crusts of planets.
In the next room, Hellman stopped to catch his breath. He remembered that the building was circular. He would burn his way through the remaining doors and join Casker. They would burn their way outside and....
Casker didn't have a burner!
Hellman turned white with shock. ”

“ Whatever the reason, they were in a jam. Ironically enough, they had more than enough fuel to take them back to Calao. But they would be a pair of singularly emaciated corpses by the time the ship reached there. ”

“ Hellman made a practice incision in the radish, squinting along the top of the razor. Casker bent closer, his mouth open. Hellman poised the razor delicately and cut the radish cleanly in half.
"Will you say grace?" ”