Ross Winn

“ Our heroic Teddy, the champion of the strenuous life (and by the way, that is the only sensible idea Teddy ever championed) , having become weary of exterminating trusts with oratorical ambiguities, has been prowling around in the Mississippi brush, looking for "bar." I expect Teddy is a pretty good sportsman, and no doubt in that character he's a jolly good fellow: but as a statesman he isn't exactly a glittering success. It is not his falt that he is president, anyway. ”

“ As he presumes the Bible to be a book of inspired wisdom, he should know that its divine author would never have ventured the paradoxical opposition of omnipotence to impossibility. Woman has yielded much to man—guidance, rulership, dictation, and the blessed ballot—but she has always insisted upon being heard. ”

“ The American people were pained with excedingly great pain on account of the attempted assassination of King Leopold, of Belgium, and wept so many tears of joy at his fortunate escape that it started a boom in red bandanas, and generated a late fall freshet on the Mississippi water system. ”

“ The political Socialists, who are just simply going to "take the world by sections" with the ballot, lack only some 6,000,000 votes of sweeping to the goal, so far as the United States are concerned. If they continue to gain in the same ratio as in former elections, we will have Socialism sure some day. ”

“ Tom Sanders, the old Sage of Yubadam, writes me to find out why, if things come out so well in America for a whole week without the presence of our strenuous president at the national capital, can not the people save Teddyboy's $50,000 salary, and do without him all the time? ”

“ But now comes the Chicago American, which has been often "pointed to with pride" by Socialists as being Socialisticaly inclined, and asserts that the Socialists themselves are in the pay of the plutocrats to defeat the Democratic party. ”

“ But as a politician he is a cowardly poltroon, a truckling time-server. He would no doubt stand his ground befor the charge of a Rocky Mountain grizzly, but at the first growl of a wild trust from the Wall street jungle, he turns tail and sprints for cover like a mule-eared rabbit. The possession of office is the ruination of man.
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While President Roosevelt was down in the wilds of Mississippi, "lost to civilization," or to the newspaper reporters, which amounts to the same thing, the grand old American republic wagged sarenely on, as tho presidents were an utter superfluity. ”

“ The learned theologians contended that heaven never would have had half an hour of silence, if women had been of its population. However, I believe that woman is to be commended for refusing to hold her tongue. ”

“ Dean Swift, in his satirical romance, "Gulliver's Travels," tells of a philosopher who spent a lifetime trying to discover a process for extracting sunshine from cucumbers, his plan being to bottle up the manufactured sunshine for use in cloudy weather. Humanity, for several centuries has been engaged in the effort to extract social happiness and personal benefit from legislation and government; and it hasn't succeded and better than the fellow with his cucumber sunshine experiment. ”

“ Why a legitimate publication of the second class should be forced to pay four cents a pound postage simply because its period of issue is once a month, while the daily and weekly papers are given the once cent rate, is unexplanable. Such a discrimination is certainly unfair. ”

“ By conventional usage, Prince Kropotkin has become a name and not a title, just as we refer to a man as general or judge, who is neither, simply because he once occupied the position to which the title belonged. Conformance to conventional usage, so long as no ill is wrought, is scarcely to be objected to with any degree of seriousness. ”