Stephen Leacock

“ Now, I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so. I have been insured a great many times, for about a month at a time, but have had no luck with it at all. ”

“ As a man, whooping-cough, stomach-ache, and water on the brain. Q.--Have you any brothers? A.--Thirteen; all nearly dead. Q.--Are you aware of any habits or tendencies which might be expected to shorten your life? A.--I am aware. I drink, I smoke, I take morphine and vaseline. I swallow grape seeds and I hate exercise. I thought when I had come to the end of that list that I had made a dead sure thing of it, and I posted the paper with a cheque for three months' payment, feeling pretty confident of having the cheque sent back to me. ”