W. C. Tuttle

“ A little later on we corrals Waldemar and asks him what he thinks of the town.
“You sure led me to the right place,” says he. “I have dreamed of this kind of a place.”
“You ought to stick to dreams,” advises Dirty. “We’re wishin’ you’d hurry up and finish your business here, ’cause me and Ike hankers for the open places. Sabe? This city air stifles our lungs and makes our necks ache.” ”

“ Waldemar is silent for a while and then he says, weary-like—
“Well, somebody did.”
“I dimly remember tellin’ Big Foot and Hoodoo what we was goin’ to do,” says Dirty, sad-like. “That must ’a’ been them two that Scenery brought to jail.”
Me and Dirty gets to our feet. My feet don’t line up good, but I’m too good to lay down and quit.
“We’ll just walk,” says Dirty, sad-like; “just walk and walk until we finds the place which is farthest from Piperock, and then we’ll beg, borrow or steal some broncs and keep on goin’.” ”

“ Waldemar starts to argue, but we both stands pat and he gives us the money. A hundred dollars is a lot of money to a man who expects to die the next day. There ain’t no rainy days in his future. He don’t care a whoop what comes to pass. Some folks might prepare themselves by praying, but me and Dirty never have asked for anything we ain’t got the nerve to go and get for ourselves. We just throws dull care out of the window and gets cheerful. ”

“ I asks. “Looks to me like this quiet little jail is about the only safe place for me and you.”
“Well, why in —— don’t somebody come along and chide us?” complains Dirty, nervous-like. “It ain’t like Piperock to do things like this, Ike. Why don’t they kill us and have it over with?”
“Want to die, feller?” I asks. “Pinin’ away for death, are yuh?”
“No, I ain’t, Ike, but if I’ve got to die—hurrah for ——! Who’s afraid of fire?”
“Shall we sneak back to the shack and get our disguises, Dirty?” ”

“ Somebody is goin’ to see Dirty Shirt Jones behind these whiskers and specs and I’ll be forced to stand on nothin’ and look up a rope.”
“Be of good cheer,” says I, “for I will be with thee. They’ll have something except Piperock’s birthday to celebrate next year.”
“Do scientists drink hard liquor, Ike?”
“They has a throat and a tongue,” says I. And then we pilgrims uptown, and goes into Buck Masterson’s saloon, where we gets fortified against our fears of the near future. Waldemar is there, and Waldemar has surrounded himself with enough hooch to make him expand considerable. ”

“ My horses are all pets.”
“Isn’t there any other hotel?” asks Waldemar.
“I can give yuh a place to sleep,” squeaks a voice behind us, and we turns to see Scenery Sims.
“Ah,” says Waldemar, “another landlord looking for business.”
“I ain’t no landlord—I’m the sheriff,” squeaks Scenery. “I’ve got a empty jail if yuh wants a place to sleep.”
Me and Dirty are sort of thinking it over when Magpie Simpkins shows up. He asks what the trouble is, and Sam Holt tells him.
“Scientists is always welcome to my shack,” says Magpie. “I’ve got room.”
“We don’t wish to deprive yuh,” says Dirty. ”

“ He sets up and licks his lips while he feels of his head.
“What did yuh say?” he asks, weak-like.
“I said, you ain’t dead.”
“Feller, there’s a lot of things that you don’t know. Where are we?”
“In the jail.”
“Thank the Lord! This is better than I expected. What are we charged with?”
“How much did yuh get in the bank?”
“There wasn’t anybody there,” he wails. “I left one boot. It hung in the cashier’s window and I didn’t have time to get it loose. How did we get here?” ”

“ He just lets loose and drops like a suit of clothes, while the bronc whistles again and hits for the open country.
I ain’t got no ambition left, but I’ve got sense enough to throw the saddle and Dirty Shirt Jones inside the jail, and then fall in after him. I kicked the door shut, but Piperock cometh not. There ain’t no sign of pursuit. Pretty soon Dirty’s lips open and he begins singing:
“—le-e-e-ft up your voice and see-e-e-e-ng. Ho-o-o-o-o-sa-a-na-a——”
“Shut up!” I croaks. “You ain’t dead—yet.” ”

“ We pilgrims away in the darkness, two sufferin’ souls, holding hands that our feet may keep pointing ahead. We’re in no shape to walk and Dirty says:
“Slow up, can’t yuh? They’re lookin’ for Big Foot and Hoodoo, not us. Scenery likely thinks he’s got snakes. Don’t go so fast, yuh——”
“Sa-a-a-y!” yowls Waldemar, far away. “They made me tell who done it.”
We didn’t answer him. Dirty said—
“My ——, ain’t yuh got no speed a-tall, Ike?” ”

“ There’s more than two broncs at the rack, but there ain’t no time to figure out ownership, et cettery. There’s considerable humanity in sight.
“Take that gray one, Dirty,” says I, and then I happens to think that we ain’t figured out who is to go inside the bank.
“Wait a minute,” says I. “Do you go inside or do I, Dirty?”
“It makes no difference who goes in, Ike. We’ll be deader than —— in about three minutes anyway. You go in, will yuh?”
“A-a-a-board!” says I, and hops on to that mouse-colored bronc, which looks like it might go as far and fast. ”

“ Comes a few yells and a few shots out on the street and then the clatter of six-shooter explosions.
“The celebration is on,” says I. “It was due to start at ten o’clock. Let’s take a chance. I hope to gosh them broncs are there for us.” I takes my life in one hand, a six-shooter in the other and leads the way. ”

“ They’re a —— nice-lookin’ animile. You say you’re a movin’-pitcher?”
“No, I take ’em.”
“Hm-m-m-m,” says Dirty. “I never seen any, but I’ve heard tell about ’em. Does them pitchers make yuh think they’re movin’?”
The feller looks at Dirty, like he was a new species of animal, and then wipes his eyes. ”

“ We ain’t got no sense, Ike.”
“They’ll never know you,” says Waldemar.
“After we’re dead they will,” wails Dirty, “and I ain’t never deceived anybody yet. I can just hear ‘Old Testament’ Tilton sayin’, ‘Man is of few days and full of trouble, O, my brethren, and these two grabbed off more than they could chew,’ and then the Cross J quartet will sing, ‘Jee-e-e-roo-o-o-sa-lem, Jee-e-e-roo-o-o-sa-lem, lee-e-ft up your voice an’ see-e-ng.’”
“The Holy City,” says Waldemar. “A beautiful thing.” ”