various contributors

“ I can always tell when men want to talk about it. Would that I had the same subtle instinct when they wish to borrow money! I was ready for him. If he said, "Have you heard?" I was going to answer, "About the Secretary of State for War ordering Lord Fisher to be imprisoned in the Tower as spy? Why, my brother-in-law told me all about it last week."
Instead he put his hand on my knee and asked, "Are you a German?"
"Unless I am descended from Hengist or Horsa," I replied, "there isn't an atom of culture in me." ”

“ That is why I left my umbrella at home while apparently every other man took his out. It is also the reason why my new topper was ruined. And now I wonder whether the prophet was mistaken, or whether at the last moment he detected signs of culture in me and lied. ”