O.S.B. Sister Mary Agnes

“ Do we not see here how a nun is taught to meet what must be an oft-recurring thought—that her life is utterly useless, and that she is unable to devote herself actively to the service of God, and that misery and unhappiness surround her, and that she cannot be so pure as many who, living in the world, are not shut up, so to speak, with only their own heart’s corruptions to brood over. She is taught that all these serious failings are more than atoned for by [202] the mere fact that she has made a solemn profession of poverty, chastity, and obedience. ”

“ But who can be surprised at a young girl being deluded and led astray when “false prophets” arise, who profess so much holiness and so great and exact a knowledge of God’s will?
Many there are, like myself, who have been misdirected and deceived by ritual, candles, flowers, incense, gorgeous vestments, genuflexions, sentimental music and sermons, and I know not what other nonsense. I was seeking Jesus. I asked for bread, but I was given a stone. For a time the excitement arising from convent life made me think I had found what I sought, but it was a vain delusion, as I found to my cost. ”

“ How can she remonstrate, when the Superior commands what is against the law of God, when she has been taught that she can only learn what is God’s law through the medium of the Superior? And if she dared to resist her Superior’s will because she felt it to be leading her astray, do you suppose that the Superior would ever acknowledge himself or herself to be in the wrong? And is it likely that the poor nun would escape some terrible penance for daring to doubt the propriety of any behest? ”

“ Cruel is the teaching which requires a young girl to separate herself from the dear good mother, whom God has given her, in order that she may, as is falsely said, serve God without hindrance. What folly and delusion is it that takes possession of us, to think that we can get nearer to God, be more pure, more holy in this life, and be brought to greater glory in the next life, by shutting oneself up in a particular house and never going out except to the garden, I cannot fathom! ”

“ In due order all present approached to kiss the sacred emblems of Incarnate Love. With long, lighted tapers they approached, and kneeling down, kissed the upraised hand. First the Abbot; then Fathers Theodore, Philip, and Drostan; after them Brothers Pancras, Oswald, Ethelred, and then Placidus. How pale the fair face of the young novice looks! How his hand is trembling, as he grasps the burning taper!... The novice has been longing for this moment—longing to press his burning lips upon that infant hand—longing to make his adoring confession of faith in Mary’s little Babe. ”

“ What rashness! what crime! what impiety would it not be then in you to violate your vows!
“The infidelity of consecrated persons is more awful than the sacrilege committed against holy places, Eucharist vessels, holy pictures, or relics. Your soul would shudder at the mere thought of a desecrated temple, a dishonoured ciborium, a broken crucifix, or of a saint’s body cast into the flames: would it then consent to far more horrible crimes, or to more infamous violations? ”

“ And remember, too, that if a sister’s own mother or sister came to see her, she could not discover the deep distress that so often lies upon her daughter’s heart. No nun would dare to tell it, even to her mother, though her heart might be breaking with misery. She would have to appear before her mother with the look of one who is perfectly happy, and even smiling, otherwise she would be instrumental in bringing disgrace and scandal upon the convent, and this, at all cost, must be avoided. ”

“ The “Sacred Host” is always in the tabernacle; but on these days, when the altar is decorated out so finely, the Host is put into a Monstrance, and enthroned amidst lighted tapers, flowers, jewels, and clouds of incense, and at the sound of sweet music and singing (in Latin) bottles of Eau de Cologne are poured over the altar, to be, as he frequently said, “wasted on Jesus,” like Mary’s alabaster box of ointment. The tabernacle is of exquisite beauty and workmanship, with crimson velvet curtains, looped up with massive gold chains, over which is a real diamond cross. ”

“ The Vow of entire, unquestioning, and absolute Obedience renders the Superiors tyrants and their subjects slaves. A novice, or nun, must give up her will, conscience, judgment, reason, and her intellect, and must be merely a tool in her Superior’s hands. ”

“ It was nothing else than devotion to Father Ignatius that caused her to give up her home.
It was the rule in choir to hold books; when sitting, to have the palm of each hand resting on each knee; and when kneeling, to do so perfectly upright, with hands crossed on each breast. Now this old woman had not taken any vow of obedience, and she either forgot to keep her hands in a proper position, or did not choose to do so; consequently the reverend Father, during the service, would cross the choir to her seat, and put her hands in the proper position. ”

“ The nun who has taken this vow of poverty must never possess or make use of anything which has not been either given or lent to her by the Superior, neither can she borrow or lend anything without leave. This kind of existence really engendered the most abominable selfishness, and I never saw any selfishness to equal a nun’s. Her vow of poverty makes her selfish. She has nothing but what is doled out scantily by her Superior; and when she does get anything, she takes good care to keep it, not knowing when she will receive the like again. ”

“ I remember too how, whilst at Slapton, an ignorant girl came to be what is called a lay-sister. She knew nothing of any kind of religion whatever, yet in a few months she made her first communion, and took novice vows for one year. I am sure she had no more idea than a new-born babe of what she had undertaken, or what was expected of her; and the hundred and one rules we had to conform to in each day were frightfully bewildering. This poor creature consequently was frequently breaking rule, and was therefore plunged in penance, disgrace and misery, and really for no fault of hers. ”

“ Practically, men and women under vows (and it matters not whether these vows are made in the established Church of England or in the alien Church of Rome) are dead—dead to the world, [182] dead to father, mother, sisters, brothers and friends; above all, dead to the “still small voice” of an enlightened conscience which once had power to speak. Yes, they are dead in another sense of the word, for have they not, knowingly or unknowingly, committed an act of moral suicide? They are no longer responsible beings. ”

“ But to proceed with Liguori’s description of the life of the religious:
“The violation of the vows is then a very grievous sin against the virtue of religion— (it is) the crime of sacrilege. Man, consecrated to God and to His service, becomes something divine; he owes himself, therefore, a religious respect, which rebounds ever to God; and if ever he should dishonour by mortal sin the virtues of poverty, obedience, and virginity, [201] of which he has made profession, he would commit an outrage against the Divine honour, he would be guilty of sacrilege. ”

“ Finally, let us hope that God’s people throughout England will make it a matter of daily intercession to the throne of Grace that convents, whether Anglican or Roman Catholic, may be utterly abolished. I sincerely trust that this book will be read as a witness of what God’s good providence and sovereign grace have done for the writer of this interesting narrative, and therefore can do for others. May the Spirit of the living God that opened the eyes of Sister Mary Agnes, be poured out abundantly to open the eyes of many in this land, who are sitting in darkness and the shadow of death. ”

“ The Father Superior commanded me to be still, and listen to God speaking to me. Practically we were taught that the Lord only reveals His will to us through our Superiors. A nun must obey the convent bell as if it were the voice of an angel. If she should be writing when the bell sounds, she must instantly lay down her pen, without even waiting to finish the formation of a letter; and as an example of how pleasing such instant obedience is to God, we were told that a certain saint was called three times whilst reciting the office of the Blessed Virgin ”

“ The truth is, a nun’s obedience must be blind in its character; there must be no waiting to consider consequences, for by her vow she has renounced all claim to herself, and should the Superior command her to do what she believes to be even wrong and sinful, it is her duty to simply obey without a question, since the responsibility rests rather upon the Superior who gave the command than upon the nun who obeys it. In obeying a Superior, a nun is more sure of doing God’s will than if an angel came down from heaven to give a command, seeing that Satan can transform himself into an angel of light ”

“ I only wish that the mistakes of my life may prove a warning to others and prevent them from taking the step I did. I feel it to be a solemn duty, which I owe to God, to put before the public convent life in the Church of England, as I found it.
Naturally I shrink from the task, for the Mother of the Feltham convent has always acted, as far as my experience goes, conscientiously, and it was in no way on her account that I felt bound to withdraw from convent life. Besides Father Ignatius himself once seemed to love me as his “little daughter,” and was exceedingly kind to me. ”

“ Never did any girl or woman love her lover or her husband more than I did the Lord Jesus Christ, whose bride I thought myself to be, because I had taken those three vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. ”

“ No wonder that brains are turned, and young and inexperienced hearts are deluded and led astray by such an imposing ceremony, which no words of mine can adequately describe. You must have been on the spot fully to realize it.
I would impress very strongly on all who read these pages a fact that I think is not generally known, viz., that there is in the convent no difference whatever between a novice and a black-veiled or fully professed nun with regard to vows or rule, save that the latter vows for life, and the novice for a time. ”

“ A nun or novice breaks her Vow of Chastity by allowing the dress of a secular lady to brush by her sacred habit, or by raising her eyes to a lady’s face when speaking to her, or by raising her eyes at any time except during the one hour’s recreation. Should her brother or father come to see her, she must keep her face closely veiled from their view. Very, very seldom is she sent to speak to any other man, and then only if convent duty makes it a necessity. ”

“ If there be any belated Protestant in the present day who thinks that the Papal Apostasy is a branch of the true Church of Christ, and that it is capable of being used by God as an instrument for the elevation of mankind, we would advise him to read the Nun of Kenmare’s new book. Miss Cusack, like many others, was beguiled for a season, but painful experience opened her eyes to the true nature of this cleverly devised, but corrupt and tyrannical organisation. ”

“ When Father Ignatius came home a few days before Christmas, he sent for me on Christmas Eve. I went to him and said:
“Dear Father, I am very sorry, but I cannot live with reverend Mother. I do not wish to give up serving God, or to break my vows; and if you will send me to another convent, I will gladly go, or to General Booth (Ignatius was a great admirer of the Salvation Army) . I don’t mind where it is so that I am under obedience, and serving God.” ”

“ We may reasonably suppose that on its entrance into religion, by making profession of the vows, the Christian soul obtains remission of all its sins. Not that the religious profession, considered in itself, possesses a sacramental virtue, operating by its own intrinsic and independent office, or that it can, like baptism and penance, blot out the stain of sin ”