Alfred Ollivant

“ Then she remembered Tiny and the tea-thing, and she roared, and said,
"You're far worse than Tiny, my dear girl!" And she gave a twirl and a skip and kicked her hand with her foot; and was as free and happy as a lark because she knew she had won.
And Baby always won over Tiny, because she always won over herself. And if you can't win over yourself, you can't expect to win over other people. ”

“ Then the sun rose over the wall of the back-yard, and struck the top of the boot-hole. And at once mannikin inside began to sing very merrily,
"I hop in the boot-hole,
As happy can be,
As bold as a robin,
As brisk as the sea,
I chirp like a cricket,
I buzz as a bee
A-swing in the fox-glove,
A-blow on the lea."
And when Baby heard that she ran and shook Tiny, who was lying in bed with one eye out, and the blanket tight round, and she cried.
"Get up, Lazy-bones! get up! get up!—Everybody's up and busy and merry long ago only you." ”

“ And the sky became a song, and the earth a garden. And the robins went into the woods; and the swallows came out of the ponds; and the larks ran up the sky; and everybody was glad.
And the sap rose everywhere, and rather got into mannikin's head; and he became so dreadfully excited that at last Baby took Tiny down to see him, because she was afraid his poor little brain was going.
So they came to the hole, and looked in. ”

“ Then the black Captain, after a reproachful look, came towards Tiny.
But Tiny rattled with his feet on the floor, and screamed.
"Go way! go way! go way!—I don't want to talk about George or George's cousin—much obliged all the same thank you no though. George can talk about himself plenty without me, and so can his cousin. How d'you do? Good-bye!" And he shoved back his chair.
But the black Captain held him down very firmly by the legs, and said,
"You never want to talk about anybody but yourself, seems to me." ”

“ Every Bull's Eye has its billet.
And in one corner was a pile of painted india-rubber cannon-balls. And there was a huge fire roaring, though it was summer. And before the fire stood the General, with his hands behind him, sucking something and warming himself.
Then Tiny shut the door, and began,
"I am Tiny; and I am going to marry Baby. How long will I stop in this hole, because about taking a house to put Baby in?"
So the General bent towards his boots; and his head shone; and his boots shone; and he bulged over the fire; and he said,
"I am Sir Goodall Grouse, and a Major-General. ”

“ And Cosy Cottage looked delicious under creepers, with sparrows chattering. And it was long, and low, and grey, and not unlike Methuselah, with a rather broken-back look, and one crooked chimney for ear. And there was one window behind and two before, with a porch between, and roses sprawling over all.
And in front was a little grass garden, with a lilac and a yew hedge round, and a gate made of paling into the road; and at the back a tiny yard and a boot-hole [1] like a box.
[1] A boot-hole is a little place where you clean boots. ”

“ So Tiny, who knew Generals, pretended sad, and shook his head, and answered,
"When we go out to war, Sir, we always say that if only Sir Goodall came and did it, it wouldn't be a war at all, to call one, it would be a walk-over." ”

“ Then Tiny whimpered through his nose,
"Tiny don't want. Tiny tired," which was quite a lie.
But Baby only smiled and said,
"Tiny must. Else I won't be married to Tiny."
So Tiny climbed out of the fat chair, and lowered himself on the thin one, saying rather tearfully,
"I don't care. I don't think it's fair. I take you on my honey-moon with me, and all you do in return is to make me sit up and swank." And he slammed the book about a bit.
But Baby paid no heed, because it's best not, when they're like that: for when they see you take no notice, they soon get over it. ”

“ Till the lirel limbs are stronger,
Sleep, my lirel one, sleep, my prery one,
Sleep."
16
And about the middle of that very night, Cooey flew in at the window, with a writing under his wing; for the windows have to be open all the time in That Country: for that is one of the rules; and you have to keep the rules everywhere always just the same—else you suffer; which is Law.
Then Tiny sat up in bed, and read the writing by the moon; while Cooey perched on Baby's shoulder, as she slept, and crooned to her.
And the writing ran in a great blob hand like a baby's,
Come back at once. ”

“ And round the corner is the Castle, with the Commander-in-Chief at the window plotting mischief against you, because of Baby, and against the Regiment, because of Goliath. Only it don't matter to me one pin what he plots; in fact I rather like it," said the black Captain, who was a selfish fellow, and really rather like a common man from Abroad, "because I'm going away to Where-George-is, my friend and me are. But we can't take Cosy Cottage, so you shall have it."
Then Tiny's eyes shone, and he said,
"And may we really have it for love?" ”

“ Besides he was sitting up with little Marwy, who was supposed to be dying of a broken heart, because of her mother's grave.
And when the Fellows saw Jacky stranded on Goly's back, they just sat down together round the Pond in a ring, and roared.
And Tiny tossed to and fro, and wiped the tears away, and said,
"Sense me, won't you!—It does make me laff so—you so cosy and comfie out there, Royal King of your own little island, and likely to stay there, for ever so far as I can see. E! E! E! Master Jacky. E! E! E!" ”

“ And once we have joined in, we find oddly enough that as we grow older we grow younger, until at length we become as little children, happy all the time, our work our play, our life a Song of Innocence, not unlike the natives of That Country. ”

“ But they all agreed that Cooey had come from the Castle in the dawn with a writing, and had fluttered up to the Colonel, who was helping the Boy soap Goliath; and that after reading the writing the Colonel had taken to his bed without a word.
Then Tiny, who loved the Colonel, because he was so red and round and thought nice of everybody, ran up the ladder to the loft: for the Colonel always lives above the shed in that Army to be handy. ”

“ And they went out with their heads very high, and camped on the Common instead; which you may as soon as the grass is dry.
But the King was really rather glad: for he was a bit bored.
And the Commander-in-Chief was glad too; for he was free to do his bad best once more.
And that very afternoon, as the Colonel and Tiny were taking their daily ride on Goliath—the Colonel with the sea-gull in his arms to give it a swim in the Pond,—the Commander-in-Chief, disguised as a nigger-boy, leaped out of the Wood, and tried to storm Goly by the tail. ”

“ And when Tiny said after about a bit,
"Better now, thank you," the black Captain took his hand away, and went on,
"And I live in Cosy Cottage with my friend. And it is on the edge of the Common—you know!—where the gorse is, and the Pond, and the oldest donkey in the world nodding off to sleep under a thorn. And just over the way is the old yew with little Marwy's mother's grave close by. And in front is the Fort on the Hill, all handy, so the Fellows can wave to you when you sit in the garden in shirt-sleeves with Baby on Sunday evenings in the summer. ”

“ But Baby crept up to the landlady's door on tip-toe, so as not to disturb her—for they had grown to love the landlady, because she was so good and fat—and shoved a note of paper under the crack.
And on it outside was,
With love
from
Baby and Tiny.
And in it inside was a sixpenny, which was a penny more than they owed her, so that she could retire on it if she liked.
Which she did.
17
Then Tiny and Baby went out of doors into the dusk.
And one moist star was stuck over the top of the hill, which looked like a black tent against a grey sheet: for the sun was going to get up soon. ”

“ And that evening he sulked so after tea, that the King got up in a rage, and after pouring the dominoes over his head, shouted,
"Look here! I'm sick o you. You grow older and horrider every day. Go to Abroad!" And he marched to the door.
Then St Jack sat very tight in his chair, and said,
"What ye mean?"
So the King threw his crown into the corner, and roared,
"The sack—that's what I mean!" and he held the door open.
Then Jacky went out in a terrible rage, the King's toe behind him. ”

“ Then Baby said,
"Well, I wish you'd leave teaching him to me," and she took Tiny's arm, and walked him up and down the grass-walk, with the dial at one end, and the herb-border on either side, all sweet in the evening, and taught him till he came good and nice and like you ought to be, if you are to live in That Country.
And next morning on his way down to the Fort, Tiny tapped at little old Lollypop's lattice, and said,
"Good-morning, kind Lollypop. Some red currants, please."
Then Lollypop came out in a sun-bonnet; and her face was all wrinkles and redness like an old crab-apple ”

“ Then Tiny said to the driver,
"Moonland, please!" and came in, and shut all the windows without asking Baby's leave, and turned up his collar, and sat down in the cosiest corner, and after a good big yawn went to sleep: for that is what you do if you are a man even in That Country. ”

“ And a man who stands back a bit, and says he can read the whole thing, Notes and all, and explain it easily, is a Philosopher; and he usually knows a little about both Notes and Story.
And a man who stands still further back, and looks at the Story very quietly, and tells truly all he sees, without trying to explain it, is a Poet ”

“ And there the people come every Thursday to sell their things.
And when Tiny and Baby got there it was market-day.
So all the people were trying to sell their things to each other.
Only everybody wanted to sell, and nobody to buy; which is often the way. ”

“ And people only have one servant in That Country, except at the Castle, where they have none: for there the Queen does it all.
Then they shoved the things under the seat of the little cart; and Tiny and Baby got up; and Baby cracked the whip; and Tiny tugged the reins; and Puck started off for Cosy Cottage at a run-away patter; while Phyllis walked and the Others trailed behind.
And when they got to the Common everything was exactly as they had left it, with Methuselah just nodding off to sleep under the thorn ”

“ And the Junior Subaltern looked silliest of all because he was so pink; and all the time going pinker, because of the ladies. And he did want to marry them all, because of his kind heart; but he knew he couldn't, because you mayn't.
And when he thought of that he went quite pale, so that they took him out, and gave him a drop of lime-juice and water off a feather in the porch, while the people crept out to see.
Then they all came out of Church.
And outside the porch Cooey fluttered down from the tower with the writing; which Tiny opened. ”

“ Then as Tiny read it through for the second time, the Colonel said from the bed,
"Wather wude—ain't it'?" And he sniffed a bit. "But there! dear old St Jacky! I can't help loving the chap—he is so very stwaight."
All the same his mouth began to go, and he went on rather gaspy,
"I don't mind for myself. It's my little Marwy. Her mother's buried here. I think it will bweak her h-h-heart." And one tear went. "And it means a move for you too, poor fellow. Cosy Cottage goes with the Fort, you know." ”

“ And when Baby got the writing, she led out Puck from the shed, and put him in the little cart, while Phyllis held the shafts, and mannikin screamed a lot of orders through the crack of the boot-hole: for mannikin was like Tiny, and wanted everybody to think he was horsey. ”

“ And she tipped on her toes in the middle of the room, and saw Tiny going through the gate blowing his nose to take the water out of his eyes. And when she saw that, she waved to him, only he couldn't see her, and she didn't want him to, for after all she was teaching Tiny, and he had been about as bad as a man can be, which is pretty bad. ”

“ And when he heard what was going on inside, he closed his eyes, and bowed his head: for Methuselah was like a lot more, he wanted people to think he was a deal pi-er than he really was.
Then, when that was done, and Phyllis and the Others had left the parlour, Tiny just dumped down and gobbled porridge without a word.
So Baby sat behind the tea-thing and ate bread without butter, for she didn't feel hungry. And when Tiny looked at her, and pretended he hadn't, she looked back at him, quite kind and true. ”

“ Ah, St Jack! I see why you've come. Well. I'll tell you. I have just examined these gentlemen for you. And I know no one will be so glad as you to hear that they have all passed, and especially your deah Captain Tiny, as nobody ever passed before. So now you can go back to the Castle whence you came. ”

“ And they stood together on the platform, and looked about them.
And it was about morning by now, and the sky was a sort of grey blank, and the platform quite bare only for a great label across it that said in huge letters,
MOONLAND
And Moonland is a great space with nothing in it only a green hill, a brown moor, and in the middle a blue lake supposed to have a fish in it. ”

“ So they turned their backs, and had sandwiches out of the bag instead; which was rather depressing for the landlady after all her trouble.
12
And after that Tiny and Baby were alone by themselves together, because they might be now; which is called honeymoon.
ALONE BY THEMSELVES TOGETHER
And it was Autumn, and jolly.
And Baby always said she liked Autumn best, because she did: for Baby always had good reasons for everything. ”

“ He shall worship himself, he shall." And she said that because Tiny had told a little lie, and she was teaching him. And Baby didn't often teach by tease, for she didn't believe in it; but she did this time because Tiny had lied a little. ”