Aunt Fanny

“ The axles groaned, the linch-pins became shaky, the hubs were in a pucker, the spokes gave a warning crack, and the footman woke up with a prodigious jerk, that nearly took his head off. The coachman now gathered up the reins and cracked the whip in earnest; the old lady squeaked, and told the coachman to be careful; the coachman got saucy, and said he knew his own business best; the fat poodle began to turn pale, and the coach-dog took precious good care to keep himself and his tail out of danger. ”

“ You know Solomon says, “Even a child is known by his doings—whether his work be pure, and whether it be right;” and you will be more laughing and merry—more full of fun and frolic at the right times—more the pictures of almost perfect happiness—the more earnestly you endeavor to obey your parents, study your Bible, learn your lessons, and, above all, the more faithfully you say your prayers. ”

“ They played games and sang, they laughed [109] and frolicked—the good minister joining in every thing, like a real Christian as he was. They partook in moderation of all manner of nice things which were loading down a table in the dining-room, and each one went home with the recollection of a delightful evening well spent.
Of course, Phil stayed at Woodlawn, and that was one little drop of unhappiness to the kind people with whom he had lived so long, and who had learned to love him very much. They could not bear to part with him. ”

“ This is abominable manners—as if you ought not to treat those you love far better than a stranger. It always makes me very indignant when such a remark is made to me; and I sincerely hope you will profit all your life by this hint about true politeness from our friend Beppo.
You can’t have a great many at a dinner party, you know; so you must be careful to invite the most agreeable people, and as many ladies as gentlemen. Beppo knew this as well as you, and so you may be sure he had taken great pains to have a pleasant party. ”

“ I’m hungry! Oh, what will become of me! Where can my father be gone! Oh! how miserable I am!” whined Phil.
“Poor boy!” said little Essie, her blue eyes filling with compassionate tears; “give me my crutches, please, dear father, [51] and I will go right in the kitchen and hurry the tea.”
Her father did as she wished, and oh! then, it would have done you good if you could have seen the little thing hobbling to the kitchen door, and crying out so pleasantly, as she rested on the crutches, to give a smart clap of her hands—“Hurry up, Hannah. Let’s have tea before you can say Jack Robinson!” ”

“ Just you try to be a first-rate boy, and you’ll be back here in a good deal less than no time.”
“Master Philip, indeed!” cried the farmer. “Pretty well for a stable-boy! You’ll be plain Phil as long as you live with me, I can tell you. Stop that plaguy snuffling and sighing, making such a dismal whistling about my ears! it’s enough to knock a sloop over. If you are ever so good, you will never make up for the loss of my Jack, and I’ll be bound [46] his poor little sister Essie is crying for him this very moment.” ”

“ This and his sticky face had made it the duty of every fly in the room to invite each other to the spot to a mass meeting on business, to which was added a grand feast, and gymnastic exercises; so there they all were, as lively as you please—standing on their heads, hanging by one leg, whisking, and frisking, and eating, and buzzing, and grumbling, and fighting over the spoils, like hungry hawks or aldermen. ”

“ The dogs acted funny, the cats funnier, and the monkeys funniest of all; while little Lucy’s eyes sparkled like diamonds, and she danced and sang the whole time; so, upon the whole, it was quite as delightful a party as one made altogether of good little boys and girls; for the best of all was, that not a single cross bark, snarl, mew, chatter, or squeal was heard; and I for one would much rather be invited to a [147] party of perfectly polite and good-natured dogs, cats, and monkeys, than to one of children who wanted to slap and scratch. Wouldn’t you?
“Oh you funny, funny Aunt Fanny!” ”

“ Everybody ate and drank with all the decorum and delicacy of our city aldermen, who ought to be held up as examples of courtesy, honesty, and moderation, to the whole universe. They did not leave so much as a bone on their plates; but I am sorry to say they were in rather too much of a hurry at dessert, for most of them burned their mouths severely with the hot cracker pudding, and Snap, the black-and-tan terrier, declared that it must have been made of fire-crackers. ”

“ To the children who do not live in New York, I ought to say that we have a splendid regiment of soldiers, called the “Light Guard,” who, whenever they cheer, always say, “Hurra! hurra! hurra! ti-g-a-r!” I don’t know why they do it, but this is what is meant by “three cheers and a tiger.”
Phil bade the farmer, his wife, and little Essie good-night with tears in his eyes, promising to come and see them every day. Mr. Wiseman had invited Kriss and the other boys to stay a week at Woodlawn, [112] which was a most delightful fact to know and experience. ”

“ I have seen oysters, pie, roast beef, salt fish, and ice cream, all mixed up on the same plate—a perfectly horrible mess; and that was because these greedy people had not the first idea of politeness or courtesy one to another, and the want of it made them behave like pigs.
“Shall I help you to a slice of the chicken, madam?” said Lord Chesterfield to Lucy. ”

“ And the farmer showed how much he was gratified, by giving him a seat next his own at the table, and letting Essie help him twice to apple-sauce.
“I dare say,” said the farmer, “you will like farming better than Greek and Latin; while my son John is all for books. Learning suits him to a T.”
[67]
Phil blushed deeply, and hung down his head.
“Never mind,” said the farmer; “you’ve got your good points too. To-morrow is Sunday. After you have done your stable-work, you can go to church, and if you listen to our good parson, you can’t help improving.” ”

“ At present they are no better than calves’ brains, only fit to be boiled and served up with sauce; although you have been told often enough that they were given you for your own use, improvement, and the good of others; that the more you study and cultivate your faculties, the wiser, better, and happier you will be. But this good advice has been thrown away, and I intend to bestow all your advantages upon Johnny Goodfellow, the farmer’s son, who loves learning as much as you do pastry and cake ”

“ As Phil grew good-tempered and industrious he began bitterly to regret the advantages he had neglected and lost while at school, and when Johnny’s letters were read aloud, his heart would beat violently, and he would say to himself—“Shall I ever be so smart? What a miserable foolish fellow I have proved myself!”
One Saturday evening he went softly up to Mr. Goodfellow, and asked—“Won’t you please tell me something about my dear father and mother?” and then burst into tears.
[89]
“Why, Phil!” cried the farmer, “what’s the matter? ”