Ethel Watts Mumford

“ I lay inside myself, like a sword in its sheath—perfectly myself, but quite without ability to make myself a part of whatever might happen to the outside.
Next time, if the dream comes, I shall not fight. I will let all the preliminaries go by. They are always the same, and I know them by heart. The other nurse, the interne, the room itself—I won't notice them. I'll wait until the Japanese doctor begins speaking before I use my strength. Then perhaps I may be able to fight long enough to get all the message ”

“ Perhaps the Japanese doctor wants to help us here with the knowledge of the world over there.
It seems to me as if now at last I had the real cue, as if I am very close to the answer; but oh, how Billy laughs at me! It's the only thing I have against him. He ought to know better than to laugh, when he knows it means so much to me, even if his man's logic won't let him realize that there are all sorts of things, just as much fact as ourselves, that we don't see unless some artificial means permits us to. ”

“ Time—I never knew there was so much time in the world! A day has a thousand hours, and the nights have more. That's one reason why I'm writing this—it's something to do. There's another reason—I keep thinking of the dream, and wondering what it means. ”

“ I felt that a collar-bone was all that ride was worth, anyway; but since the ordeal was not to be avoided, I took what comfort I could from the thought, which amounted to conviction, that I should see the Japanese doctor again, and perhaps get the whole of his message.
Sure enough, the ether gave me back my dream, the same in every detail. The only thing that differed was the end, because I didn't get it all. The real world came and pulled me back, just as it always does; but this time I fought to stay. I fought hard. When I heard the dream nurse say, “Do you want to tell her now?” ”

“ It comes whenever I take ether, and this is the third time. It's always the same, and always just a little different; but it is more real than life. These dream people are so definitely impressed on my mind that I know I can write a far more accurate description of them than I could of my most intimate friends.
In the vision there are two doctors and two nurses. First, the nurse, who has her back turned to me, and is just going out of the room and shutting the door. I've never seen her face, but she is small, and has a nice figure. ”

“ All wives have to study that, and one might as well get a running start before marriage. After all, it's very little to forgive—just his inability to see something that he hasn't seen and never will see ”

“ Her hand, resting on the door knob, is rather red, and she wears a wedding ring. She's in white, of course, but there is a dark stain on the bottom of her skirt, like spilled iodine.
One doctor stands by a tall, white piece of furniture, which has innumerable little drawers in it, with glass button knobs. He is young. I think he must be a house physician—an interne. He, too, wears white, and it contrasts sharply with his very black hair, which has blue high lights. He is putting something away, rolling it very deftly. ”

“ They had to open it and scrape the bone. I'll write this for my own satisfaction, since Billy will not take me seriously, and Dr. Peck continues to say that the subconscious mind is a queer animal.
This thing that I dream is true—I know it! Somewhere that room exists, those nurses are actual people. It's all real, and the Japanese doctor is the most real of all. ”

“ This surface cut will heal in no time, and they tell me I'm ready to learn to walk again, carefully. Dear, dear Billy! You miserably healthy thing, you've never had an ache or pain in your life; so what do you know about ether? You've been lucky—that's all. Well, here's where I drop the matter for the time being. I swear off speaking of Japanese doctors, strange nurses, Sargent portraits, and hospital rooms. If Billy brings them up, I swear to outlaugh him.
Just the same, I shall listen in for the end of the message; so, temporarily, “there's an end on it.”
IV
I am frightened. ”