Friedrich Spielhagen

“ His breast grew more and more oppressed, his heart beat more and more painfully, his breathing changed to gasping, his throat seemed choked, his temples throbbed; come what would, he must rest a moment, take in the oars, and let the boat drift.
The little skiff instantly began to ship water; Gotthold had expected it. "It can't last much longer now," he said to himself, "and what does it matter? If you could live for her, it would be worth the trouble; but now--to whom do you die except yourself? Death cannot be so very painful. ”

“ A breathless silence followed, in which Gotthold heard nothing but the noise of the cards Redebas dealt, and then another outcry and tumult, such as had previously roused him from his revery, only this time it was so loud that even the drunken Pastor staggered out of his corner. Gotthold approached the table. His first glance rested upon Brandow's face, which was deadly pale; but his thin lips were firmly compressed, and a disagreeable smile even sparkled in his stern, cold eyes, as he now cried, turning to the new-comer:
"They have plucked me finely, Gotthold; but night never lasts forever." ”

“ Well, I have complained of my fate more than is seemly; but in the presence of a man of your stamp, one is too painfully reminded of what he might perhaps have made himself, and what he has finally become. Good night, old fellow, and pleasant dreams!"
And now Gotthold stood at the open window in the cosy old gable-room. But eagerly as he inhaled the night breeze, which blew fresh and cool through the trees, still dripping with rain-drops, it did not lighten his heart, which throbbed heavily and painfully in his panting breast, like a sleeper whose brain is oppressed by some painful dream. ”

“ Now, now, even the old name will die out with me; only one poor helpless woman is left, who has exchanged her name for that of a man who is a good-for-nothing fellow like his forefathers; the worthless wretch will drag her down to shame with him--her shame and mine!"
The old man's last words were scarcely audible; for he had buried his wrinkled face in his knotty hands. Gotthold laid his hand on his knee.
"How can you talk so, Cousin Boslaf!" said he, "how can you accuse yourself of a misfortune you have been unable to prevent; you, who have always been the good genius of the house!" ”

“ When I left Rome, it was certainly with the desire to remain here in the North, at least for some time, and try whether home could ever become home again to me; but the attempt will probably not succeed, nay, I think has already failed."
"It seems to me that this is rather too soon to decide such a question," said Cecilia; "but the matter is probably of importance only to us; you fortunate artists have your home in your art, and you take that with you wherever you turn your steps."
"And yet, I think, we can have our art only at home," replied Gotthold. ”

“ What do you call more, Cecilia? I love you; in those words all is said, in those words our lives are woven into one circle. What could you suffer that I would not suffer with you? Nay, has not even your past life become mine and always belonged to me? Has not all this ever brooded over my soul as a vague, anxious foreboding, drawing a veil over my brightest hours? Yes, Cecilia, when I consider this, I cannot help saying: 'Thank God! thank God that the veil is rent, that life lies before me as it is, although obstacles and difficulties of all kinds threaten to bar our way. We will conquer them. ”

“ My good Emil certainly never told even me--dear, kind man, as if I would have taken it amiss--that thirty or thirty-five years ago he was once very deeply in love with Gotthold's mother, when they lived in the same house in Stettin--it is a long and very romantic story."
"Oh! oh!" said Alma, "who would ever have given your husband credit for that?"
"Why," cried Ottilie, "you are entirely mistaken in Emil; his nature has a freshness, a power, a youthful fire--"
"How happy you are!" said Alma with a faint sigh. ”

“ Undoubtedly; but fancy continued the cruel sport none the less zealously, and converted the long-drawn howling and hollow roaring of the tempest over the moor, the rustling of the clumps of broom by the wayside, the creaking of the carriage, and the panting of the weary horses, into ghostly voices which muttered terrible words, voices and words such as might be uttered by the shapes which glided through the grayish black twilight over the masses of rock on the moor on the right of the carriage, or flitted on the left through the impenetrable darkness that brooded coldly over the morass. ”

“ Brandow threw the bridle over his arm and Gotthold took a portion of his luggage, so they walked quickly through the woods by a cross path, which soon brought them out into the fields. At a short distance, only separated from them by a few meadows and a broad field of rye, stood the manor-house, already partly in the shadow which the hill on the left-hand side of the moor cast far into the valley, while the tops of the taller trees in the garden and the crests of the huge poplars, which enclosed the grounds on the three other sides, still glowed in the light of the setting sun. ”

“ The darkness was now increasing very rapidly: at his present great distance the man would soon look like a mere dark spot on the light sand, and must disappear entirely in a short time; on the other hand, he need only glance around, if they were not wholly concealed, and then the next instant would surely slide from the down on which he lay, and of course overtaking him could not be thought of.
Gotthold's heart throbbed as if it would burst, as he thought of all this, and discussed it with Jochen in a whisper. ”

“ But now, my clear Madam and Herr Wollnow, I fear I must have, exhausted your patience and will take my leave. Good Heavens! Twelve o'clock already! It is unpardonable!"
"I could have listened all night," said Frau Wollnow, with a deep sigh, as she also, but very slowly, rose from her chair. "Ah! youth, youth! people are never young but once."
"Thank God," said Gotthold gayly; "otherwise people would be compelled to play their foolish pranks twice."
"Who is so old as to be safe from folly," said Herr Wollnow, with a grave smile. ”

“ You, who turn away from life with veiled head in mute despair! what virtues will you teach it when you are yourself so wholly destitute of the cheerfulness, in which alone the virtues thrive; nay, when you no longer believe in that which is the best and highest of all, which makes us what we are, makes us human beings--love? Who pities yonder little bird, which, concealed amid the autumnal foliage, perhaps wounded and maimed, is left behind to perish miserably? None of its brothers and sisters, its husband or its children; they have all flown away, unheeding, and left it behind--alone, alone! ”

“ Her arms fell, her lips closed, her features quivered convulsively, and her whole frame trembled.
"No, Gotthold, not all. But I thank you for being angry; or it might have been impossible for me to perform my task. No, don't look at me so; don't look at me so. Laugh as you laughed just now! What can a man do but laugh, when a woman by whom he believes himself beloved comes and says--"
"You need not," cried Gotthold; "you need not; a man does not comprehend such things, but he feels them without words." ”

“ You know as well as that the sun is setting yonder to rise again to-morrow, that no day, no hour will come when I shall reproach you by word or look for having been--so unhappy, so unspeakably wretched; you know that I--as I think--have nothing to forgive you. But you, Cecilia, think you can never forgive yourself; you think, because when you were an inexperienced girl of sixteen you made a mistake, repentance and shame must follow you all your future life; repentance and shame would frighten you from my arms if you ever obeyed the impulse of your heart and threw yourself into them. ”

“ Cecilia, pausing in the centre of the room, had listened eagerly, gasping for breath. "My poor Gotthold," said she; "but for me--it is better so, even the temptation cannot assail me now, and the matter is decided. Yes, Gotthold, it is decided; besides, perhaps it was only a momentary thirst for money, which the deadly hatred he bore you has long since swallowed up. He will not release me; I have not chosen, will not choose death as long as the last possibility of deliverance, flight, remains. Let me fly, Gotthold, before it is too late ”

“ What is youthful friendship? And do we remain the same? You have done so perhaps, at least in the principal thing, but I certainly have not; I resemble the Cecilia of those days as little as--as reality resembles our dreams; and besides--I am married; a wife needs no friend, has no friend, if she loves her husband, and if she does not--"
"Let us suppose the latter case," said Gotthold, as Cecilia suddenly paused. ”

“ Jochen drew a long breath; he was astonished himself to find how he could talk to-day--even his Stine would have done no better--and Herr Gotthold had said nothing at all--what could he say against it? Jochen continued in a still more persuasive tone: "And so you mustn't be so sad, Herr Gotthold, for the night doesn't last all the time, and unexpected things often happen, and when a horse once gets the bit between its teeth, a man may pull his arms off, but it will run away for all that; and what a horse can do, a man can too." ”

“ I was separated from my father by an--as I must believe--impassable gulf, and for ten years have wandered about the world amid a thousand events, a thousand relations, ever in the bustle of society, constantly among, and often even the centre of a large circle of friends, and yet in the inmost depths of my soul alone--alone, and longing for a love which so late in life has been given me by a man whom I saw a few days ago for the first time, and between whom and myself no relations had previously existed save those of the most ordinary business transactions. ”

“ Then he once more held the dear form in his arms, clasped it to his heart, felt her hot, quivering lips pressed to his, and then stood outside in the garden, with the rain beating into his face, the swaying tree-tops above him rustling and whispering, and the tall hedges beside him hissing and muttering, as if with thousands and thousands of tongues: "Fool, silly fool, simpleton, to let yourself be cheated, once, twice, as often as she--or he chooses--how do I know?" ”

“ So he sat upon one of the lower stones of the giant's grave, drinking in, with an artist's glowing eyes, the beauty of the scene and hour, and with an artist's busy hand creating an image of this beauty. The colors on the palette seemed to mingle of their own accord, and every stroke of the brush upon the little square of canvas brought the image nearer its original with a speed and certainty which astonished the artist himself. Never before had any work progressed so rapidly, never had design and execution met so lovingly, never had the enthusiastic feeling of power made him so happy. ”

“ It is the all-powerful tie that has bound and will bind together all races of men, from the beginning to the end; the all-powerful sun beneath whose pure light spring must return to the darkest, saddest hearts: and so with my love I will hold you, dearest, however you may struggle; will open your heart, however you may try to close it against me: for I am more powerful than you, can lend you my strength, and yet have enough for myself, and you, and your child--our child, Cecilia! ”

“ He spoke without the slightest tinge of bitterness; but his chest heaved painfully, and his lips quivered.
"Am I not right in saying that no man, even the best, the most delicate in feeling, can rightly understand us?" replied Cecilia, bending towards Gotthold, and pushing his hair back from his burning brow. For a moment the old sweet smile played around her delicate lips and sparkled in her eyes, the smile of which Gotthold had often dreamed, and then spent the whole day absorbed in reverie, as if under the influence of some magic spell. ”

“ Gotthold had been compelled to exert all his strength in order to control himself during this horrible scene, and not show his antagonist how terribly he was suffering. Suddenly a mist crept over his eyes, a roaring sound was in his ears, it seemed as if he was lying on the ground, and Brandow, who stood over him, was just raising his arm for a second blow. Then, with a violent effort, he shook off the faintness that threatened to overpower him, and said, rising:
"That is right. Cecilia shall not have reckoned upon my friendship in vain; take care that you don't make a mistake yourself." ”

“ You will drive me mad, and--I won't go mad."
"This is madness, Cecilia," cried Gotthold passionately. "If you do not love him--and you do not, you cannot--no divine, and certainly no human law, compels you to remain, to pine, to die in nameless misery. And he loves you no better than you do him." ”

“ She must help him; he could not find anything in the dark.
The pretty servant-girl drew a long breath, and then in the twinkling of an eye glided noiselessly up the stairs and across the hall to the gable room Gotthold had occupied during his stay. Here she paused, pressing her hands to her burning cheeks and heaving breast, and then after a low knock, to which she expected no reply, slowly opened the door, as if with timid reluctance. Her cheeks had burned, her heart had throbbed in vain-the room was empty. She went to the window, and instantly drew back again. ”