George A. Birmingham

“ We're not doing anything wrong."
"Lucy," he said, "you were just as much annoyed as I was this morning at breakfast in the hotel when those people at the next table looked at us and giggled."
"They were extremely rude. I can't imagine how people can have such bad manners."
"I rather think," said Dr. Whitty, "that I saw them again at the station just before the train started. I'm nearly sure it was the same man. I hope they're not on the steamer. Hang it! there they are!"
A man, perhaps forty years of age, neatly dressed and having a certain air of confident superiority, came on deck. ”

“ They are a Captain and Mrs. Elphinstone, and they are going to Guernsey. The steward told me that. I found her bag afterwards, and it was labelled for our hotel. I think we'd better stop in Jersey."
"We can't. We've taken our rooms, and, besides, I want to see Guernsey. I don't believe Jersey is half as nice."
"In that case," said Dr. Whitty, "I must do something to divert their suspicions. I can't have those two grinning at us every morning at breakfast and every evening at dinner. Besides, they'd tell all the other people at the hotel. It would make our stay there perfectly intolerable." ”

“ As a matter of fact, we're going to the Channel Islands—Guernsey, or Sark, or one of the others."
"You couldn't have chosen a worse spot," said Eccles. "Tobacco and whisky are cheap, of course, but at this season of the year those islands are full of people on holidays who will have nothing better to do than crack jokes about you—jokes which you will be painfully conscious of."
"I was afraid of that," said Dr. Whitty, sighing. "But what can I do? We must go somewhere. ”

“ I don't think it was a fair thing to ask. A honeymoon is the one chance most girls get in their lives of wearing new dresses day after day. It would be absolutely brutal."
"She wouldn't agree," said Dr. Whitty, "though she was awfully nice about it. She said she felt for me so much that if I liked she'd wear old boots. It appears that somebody—her youngest brother, I think—told her that the one sure way of recognising a honeymoon couple was by the soles of the bride's boots. Do you think that's true?"
"No," said Eccles, "it's not. ”

“ I regard that whole attitude of mind as simply disgusting and unbearably vulgar."
"Why don't you go to some lonely place?"
"There isn't such a thing in the world; and if there was, we'd still have to travel in a whole series of public conveyances and stop in beastly hotels before we got there. ”

“ Elphinstone. "I should scarcely have thought from her appearance that Mrs.—that your wife could have been married so long."
"Whitty is our name," said the doctor. "We were married very young—very young indeed. She was little more than a child. But we've always got on capitally. For our second summer we went to Skye. No, Skye was the year after. It was in Bute we took our second holiday. Then we had a very pleasant time in the Isle of Wight the year after that. The next year we made our way to the Scilly Isles. Then we tried the Hebrides—North Uist, you know, and the others. ”

“ Whitty.
"I think," he said, with an air of complete satisfaction, "that I've put those two entirely off the scent. I explained to them that we have been married ten years."
"Oh, George!"
"So you can put on decent boots to-morrow. Those ones won't be wanted any more. Of course, if you happen to get into conversation with Mrs. Elphinstone you had better stand over my statement. I told her that we had visited all the islands within reach, one island each summer. Recollect that, Lucy, in case she starts talking to you about the Orkneys or any other place of that sort. ”

“ She never believed a single thing you said."
"Do you mean to tell me," said the doctor, "that she doubted my word about North Uist and the Orkneys?"
"Yes, she did. You see, she and Captain Elphinstone are only just married themselves. They're on their honeymoon too. Their wedding was a day after ours."
"The day after?" said Dr. Whitty. "Are you quite sure of that?"
"Quite. She told me so herself. They were married in Scotland, and it appears that Captain Elphinstone is nearly as foolish as you are. He's frightfully sensitive about anyone knowing, and—oh! ”