George O. Smith

“ Zintal aimed a kick at the offending machine, then beat upon its side with a massive green fist. He probed into the delivery receptacle angrily until the communications grille came to life and a cold official voice demanded that he cease trying to make the slot machine deliver without the proper deposit. Zintal snarled and, muttering Martian imprecations, returned to his friends.
Even on Mars it is sheer futility to argue with a slot machine.
Johnny Edwards was addressing a large, attentive group, but one small portion of his mind was contemplating Norma Harris, his secretary. ”

“ You'll be like the man who spent his entire life winning the bet that a shuffled deck of cards would eventually come up in the original sequence."
Zintal nodded. "You provide me with a better answer," he challenged.
Vorhan shook his head. "I can't, confound it!" he growled.
Zintal smiled. "Well, this is the machine that produced the strange coins. I'm buying everything I can through it just in the hope. Someday it will repeat."
Vorhan laughed. "In the meantime," he said half-humorously, "I am going out to hunt a needle in a haystack." ”

“ This went on for some time, and finally Zintal hit the coincidental timing perfectly, and they began to catalogue the items.
Now, be it remembered that Zintal was a physicist of Martian repute, and therefore he had an advantage over Johnny Edwards in making a wild guess as to the origin of the contact. His only misleading evidence was the obvious belief that no sentient life could evolve on an overly-wet world such as Terra. It was, however, equally obvious that the strangers did not object to water as strenuously as did Martians. ”

“ Is any house being heated with the power from the fission of uranium? The fact is, gentlemen, that while some men contemplate massive feats, other men are working in smaller ways to benefit the world. No doubt the early workers in electricity did not foresee the complete over-hauling the world would get when the electric light came along.
"So it is with the Edwards Merchandiser. It will be called a slot machine and it will be popular. Its relationship to science will be scoffed at by those brains and aesthetes who cannot correlate the principle of the spinthariscope with the dollar watch. ”

“ The dictionary he filed carefully away, and the bottle of ink went under another bell jar. It was, he admitted, the most palatable smelling item of the bunch. The box of candy he threw into the fireplace with a deep, distasteful wrinkle of his wide, flat nose. ”

“ Zintal grunted amicably. "Normally, I'd be inclined to eschew principle for a bit of hard cash. But this is one of those inexplicable things that prompts me to cry 'principle by all means.' Y'know, Vorhan, I'd gladly forfeit both of those coins to know where they came from."
"Probably worth it," smiled Vorhan. "Obviously, Zintal, those coins came from some civilization extra-Martian."
"But where?" demanded Zintal. "I—"
"You do not doubt their un-Martian origin?" Vorhan interrupted.
"Not at all," said Zintal unhappily. "They are too concrete as evidence to deny. But where?" ”

“ Naturally, Zintal did not say 'Indubitably' or anything that resembles it phonetically. So until the general public becomes better acquainted with the newly-written English-Martian cross-referred dictionary, we will give as free a transliteration of the Martian into its nearest English connotation. This is not only permissible but highly recommended, since (to quote a less remote parallel) when a Frenchman watching a baseball game leaps to his feet and screams "Murte d'arbite," he really means "Kill the umpire." ”

“ Even Martian opinion differs pertaining to its definition; the Martian female believing it to be a desirable state while the Martian male insists that it is entirely one-sided and too restrictive pertaining to his freedom. ”

“ She nodded brightly, jingling the coins in her hand. Abruptly she dropped them and, in her attempt to catch them, inadvertently kicked them under the desk.
"I can sure mess things," she said apologetically. She took two more dimes from her purse and dropped them in the slot, tapped out the name, and opened the door. With a slight blush, Norma Harris handed Johnny Edwards a small cylinder of red plastic.
"Woman eternal," he said dramatically. "Will you gentlemen watch Miss Harris install a new face right here and now, or will you take my word for it that this is a Lovepruf Lipstick?" ”

“ The door opened abruptly, and several Martian police entered.
"Zintal, Physicist, we arrest you for the crime of attempting to obtain merchandise without payment. Do you deny inserting spurious coins in the machine?"
"I—we—"
"Come along," said the foremost policeman angrily. To his side-kick, he said: "What some people will go through to try to beat a slot machine." ”

“ She left the office and it was some time before Johnny Edwards realized that Norma didn't mind the idea of the all-white shotgun.
Zintal held up a package of cigarettes with puzzlement. "Do you eat 'em, feed 'em to the wilgil, or burn 'em in a dish?" he asked.
"They might be poison."
"Undoubtedly." Zintal placed the cigarettes under another bell jar. ”