Gilbert Keith Chesterton

“ In a narrow street, in a den of vice, you do not expect civilization, you do not expect order. But the horror of this was the fact that there was civilization, that there was order, but that civilization only showed its morbidity and order only its monotony. ”

“ He is a swindler, and a swindler of a perfectly delightful and novel kind. He hires himself out at dinner-parties to lead up to other people's repartees. According to a preconcerted scheme (which you may find on that piece of paper) , he says the stupid things he has arranged for himself, and his client says the clever things arranged for him. In short, he allows himself to be scored off for a guinea a night."
"And this fellow Wimpole—" began Drummond, with indignation.
"This fellow Wimpole," said Basil Grant, smiling, "will not be an intellectual rival in the future. ”

“ To use your own eloquent language, you have the 'slight disadvantage' of being off your head. You see a total stranger in a public street; you choose to start certain theories about his eyebrows. You then treat him as a burglar because he enters an honest man's door. The thing is too monstrous. Admit that it is, Basil, and come home with me. Though these people are still having tea, yet, with the distance we have to go, we shall be late for dinner. ”

“ Mr. Drummond shook hands pleasantly and respectfully, but the cloud was still on his brow. Turning to Sir Walter Cholmondeliegh, he said:
"I was sent by Lady Beaumont to express her hope that you were not going yet, Sir Walter. She says she has scarcely seen anything of you."
The old gentleman, still red in the face, had a temporary internal struggle; then his good manners triumphed, and with a gesture of obeisance and a vague utterance of, "If Lady Beaumont ... a lady, of course," he followed the young man back into the salon. ”

“ He had scarcely been deposited there half a minute before another peal of laughter told that he had (in all probability) been scored off again.
"Of course I can excuse dear old Cholmondeliegh," said Beaumont, as he helped us off with our coats. "He has not the modern mind."
"What is the modern mind?" asked Grant.
"Oh, it's enlightened you know and progressive—and faces the facts of life seriously." At this moment another roar of laughter came from within. ”

“ Do you go upon facts at all? Not a scrap. You accept the clerk who may save you business—you refuse the clerk that may rob your till, entirely upon those immediate mystical impressions under the pressure of which I pronounce, with a perfect sense of certainty and sincerity, that that man walking in that street beside us is a humbug and a villain of some kind."
"You always put things well," I said, "but, of course, such things cannot immediately be put to the test."
Basil sprang up straight and swayed with the swaying car. ”

“ What a pity it is immoral."
"But what the deuce is it?" cried Drummond, and I, in a breath of blasphemy.
"It is," said Grant, calmly, "the great new trade of the Organizer of Repartee. This fat old gentleman lying on the ground strikes you, as I have no doubt, as very stupid and very rich. Let me clear his character. He is, like ourselves, very clever and very poor, He is also not really at all fat; all that is stuffing. ”

“ Basil, with one of his rare gestures, flung his arms forward.
"Run after that scoundrel," he cried; "let us catch him now."
We dashed across the open space and reached the juncture of two paths.
"Stop!" I shouted, wildly, to Grant. "That's the wrong turning."
He ran on.
"Idiot!" I howled. "Sir Walter's gone down there. Wimpole has slipped us. He's half a mile down the other road. You're wrong.... Are you deaf? You're wrong!"
"I don't think I am," he panted, and ran on.
"But I saw him!" I cried. "Look in front of you. Is that Wimpole? It's the old man.... What are you doing? ”

“ And he fights the poor old chap savagely, unceasingly, as if he hated old age and kindliness. Take, if you want it, the evidence of a prejudiced witness. I admit that I hate the man because a certain person admires him. But I believe that apart from that I should hate the man because old Sir Walter hates him."
This speech affected me with a genuine sense of esteem and pity for the young man; that is, of pity for him because of his obviously hopeless worship of Miss Beaumont, and of esteem for him because of the direct realistic account of the history of Wimpole which he had given. ”

“ I agree with you. I agree that they have to live in something worse than barbarism. They have to live in a fourth-rate civilization. But yet I am practically certain that the majority of people here are good people. And being good is an adventure far more violent and daring than sailing round the world. Besides—"
"Go on," I said.
No answer came.
"Go on," I said, looking up.
The big blue eyes of Basil Grant were standing out of his head, and he was paying no attention to me. ”

“ And with a scuttle, a jump, and a run, we were off the car.
The man with the curled silver hair and the curved Eastern face walked along for some time, his long, splendid frock-coat flying behind him. Then he swung sharply out of the great, glaring road and disappeared down an ill-lit alley. ”

“ I won't be made a guy. I won't—"
"Come, come," said Beaumont, feverishly. "Let me introduce you. This is Mr. Justice Grant—that is, Mr. Grant. Basil, I am sure you have heard of Sir Walter Cholmondeliegh."
"Who has not?" asked Grant, and bowed to the worthy old baronet, eying him with some curiosity. He was hot and heavy in his momentary anger, but even that could not conceal the noble though opulent outline of his face and body, the florid white hair, the Roman nose, the body stalwart though corpulent, the chin aristocratic though double. He was a magnificent courtly gentleman ”

“ Lady Beaumont will excuse us."
I followed my friend, at his own request, greatly wondering, to this strange external interview. We paused abruptly, into a kind of side room out of the hall.
"Drummond," said Basil, sharply, "there are a great many good people and a great many sane people here this afternoon. Unfortunately, by a kind of coincidence, all the good people are mad and all the sane people are wicked. You are the only person I know of here who is honest and has also some common-sense. What do you make of Wimpole?" ”

“ So his house is filled with an endless succession of literary and political fashions; men who wear long hair because it is romantic; men who wear short hair because it is medical; men who walk on their feet only to exercise their hands; and men who walk on their hands for fear of tiring their feet. ”

“ If you went to him and proposed to eat your grandmother, he would agree with you, so long as you put it on hygienic and public grounds, as a cheap alternative to cremation. So long as you progress fast enough it seems a matter of indifference to him whether you are progressing to the stars or the devil. ”

“ On what else is the whole world run but immediate impressions? What is more practical? My friend, the philosophy of this world may be founded on facts, its business is run on spiritual impressions and atmospheres. ”

“ It ran as follows:
"C. Says——Keep countenance.
"W. Keep——British Museum.
"C. Know whom talk——absurdities.
"W. Never talk absurdities without——"
"What is it?" cried Drummond, flinging the paper down in a sort of final fury.
"What is it?" replied Grant, his voice rising into a kind of splendid chant. "What is it? It is a great new profession. A great new trade. A trifle immoral, I admit, but still great, like piracy."
"A new profession!" said the young man
"BASIL BENT SUDDENLY DOWN AND TORE A PAPER OUT OF SIR WALTER'S BREAST-POCKET"
with the red mustache, vaguely ”