Henry Johnston

“ If it be so, I feel it becomes me to approach the task with befitting modesty, for, albeit I have been collegebred, as they say in the Latin tongue, furor scribendi never was a ruling passion with me, having perceived, on thinking the matter over in early life, that law and literature seldom turned out to be profitable companions unless under the force of transcendent genius. ”

“ My wife lightly says it was only what we deserved, seeing we had waited so long for it; but I fear the remark almost savours of irreverence, for both the weather and the great blessings we had vouchsafed to us are altogether beyond our own poor deserts, and should inspire us both with deep and fervent thankfulness. ”

“ Hoo can a man teach ye truth if he’s in ignorance o’t himsel’ ? Hoo can he expect ye to believe unless he is certain sure that what he is tellin’ ye is true, an’ hoo can he tell whether the Word is true or no onless he can prove it by gaun back to the oreeginal tongue ? Na, na, Maister Spreull; I dinna fa’ in wi’ ye there. Whenever ye fin’ oot that they canna put as muckle leamin’ intil a callant’s head as will mak’ a decent minister o’ him, I wud just advise ye to ’prentice him to a cooper; for as ye hae aften said yersel’, strength and ignorance is a’ that’s needed for a cooper. ”

“ The bursar, I fear, will be troublesome to us all, but I have observed when a woman sets her affections on an object, however unworthy it may be, it is useless trying to convince her she is wrong. Well, after all that has come and gone in the course of the narrative which follows, perhaps the reader will conclude that this is not the least estimable trait in her character. ”

“ When I think o't noo the doctor creaturs o' that time maun hae gotten their body-learnin' under great disadvantages, and I'm no surprised that on hearin' o' a death frae some new cause they should have run a little risk to get at the bottom o' the trouble. Hooever, efter the passing o' the Anatomy Bill, which made proveeshun for a' unclaimed bodies being handed ower to the College for anatomical dissection, public confidence in the profession wis restored, and the only thing ye had to fear, in gaun up and doon the High Street efter gloamin', wis the losin' o' yer purse or pocket-hanky. ”

“ ON HUMANITY.
is true I am only a wumman, and maybe that is the reason I never could understand hoo the word Humanity ever got to mean the study o'n dead language. Onybody that has seen as I hae dune, may puir ludger laddies marching about till past midnight wi' their een starin' i' their heads, an' wi' big blabs o' sweat on their broos, tryin' to maister as muekle o' the Laitin tongue as wud pass them decently through their examination, will hardly wonder that I am a thocht dootfu' aboot the appropriateness of the name. ”

“ The bursary, as ye 'll nae doot recollect, wis to be tenable for four years, or at least for such period within that time as the bursar should conduct himsel' to my satisfaction; and wis to consist o' bed, board and washing in my ain hoose, wi' a wummanly care ower his moral upbringin' during the term o' holding the same. It wis a most carefully wordit foundation, as Maister Fleming beautifully ca'd it; and couldna be worth less to ony growin' callant than forty pounds o' guid sterling money i' the year. ”

“ I maunna be ower uplifted, for pride is a dangerous thing. I have seen folk gae clean aff at the head wi’ success, become poetical, and talk rank nonsense. Even the greatest authors have their limitations, and, as I ken my ain boonds, I maun speak soberly, as becomes a sensible wumman that has a reputation to sustain.
Efter the verdict o’ the critics, I begin to think there is something in the fact which wis noted at the time by Mysie Deans, the mantymaker, Beeny Fortune, the spae-wife, and ithers, namely, that my wisdom teeth cam’ when I wis in my twelfth year. ”

“ The great licht o’ gen’us ken’les but slowly, as the poet has said; whereas early cleverness is like a lichtit peeoy that fizzes awa’ at a bonny rate for a while, but sune burns itsel’ oot.
The schule I attendit wis an auld loomshop in Shuttle Street, wi’ an earthen fluir. The maister wis lame, an’ the best shot wi’ the tawse ever I saw. He seldom meddlet us lassies, but twa ’r three times a day we wud hear something whizzin’ through the air, ower oor heads, and this wis the tawse wingin’ their flight to some delinquent’s lugs. ”

“ It's no' strange, for my birthday fa's on Hogmanay, and serious-minded folk, especially when they win to my time o' life, hae a heap o' things to look at baith back and forrit, and questions to spier at themsel's on their birth-days as to what they hae dune and what they are ettlein' to do. ”

“ I am aware what a bursary is—having seen it in operation, for I have passed a good wheen bursars through my hands— clever billies some o’ them were, though whiles as daft as yetts in a winy day—but the relief and comfort this twenty, thirty, or fifty pounds a year afforded them, often made me sit doon wi’ tears in my een and bless the memories o’ the men that had gi'en my hard strugglin’ laddies sic timeous help. There are plenty o' folk wha could braw-an-weel afford to lay aside siller for this purpose without missing it ”

“ Weel, we sailed alang for a while lookin’ at the sea and the muckle hills, and the white hooses on the beach, when the boat gaed a jerk, and Willie Warstle jumpit to his feet.
“Sit doon,” says I, “or ye’ll coup the boat.” Mrs. Warnock laid hold o’ my airm, but the laddie never heeded us—he wis ower intent on pu’in’ in his line. He had a fish on as sure as life, for it jumpit divers times oot o’ the watter, and shook its head, as if it didna want into the boat. ”

“ Weel, Maister Fleming had brocht me wonnerfu' news, and, as I fancied my guest maybe had some trouble on him, I gaed awa' to the press, filled up a gless o' whisky, and put it in his last cup, just to gie him a wee thocht o' life.
"Thank ye," says he; "that's what they used to do aboot Balfron when I was a boy. There never was a tea-drinking there without a guid gless o' whisky i' the last cup."
If ye'll believe me, the whole thing wis dune oot o' doonricht peety for the man, he lookit sae miserable-like ”

“ Somebody has been guilty, yet there is no conclusive evidence against any one; and, as one might lay himself open to an action for defamation of character, I am at a loss to know how to act.”
“ Maister Fleming,” says I, “ this is a thing only a wumman can get to the bottom o’. Will ye leave it to me ? ”
Of course he left it to me. It wis a question that couldna be settled in court, for nae respectable lawyer wud rin the risk o’ layin a public charge against onybody’s character that he wisna prepared to prove. Next day I went to the hoose, and precognosed the cook and housemaid. ”

“ Hae ye no’ read o’ great thinkers haem’ their trains o’ thoeht broken by the wanton interruption o’ senseless folk ? ” I felt I had great power o’ expression that day.
“ 0,” says he, kind o’ vexed like, “ I didna ken ye were engaged. There wis something on my mind I wanted to ask ye aboot, but I can wait till again.’’
I admit I wis curious as to what the laddie had to say for he had a face that, wi’ doonricht seriousness, looked for a’ the world like Jamie Thrum’s fiddle. ”

“ The reader must not, therefore, accuse me of egotism because they remain. There is another thing, also, I would fain have altered, to wit—the spelling of certain words; but she says there is nothing so contradictory as the laws that govern the spelling of words. Letters are the foundation of language, and why should not letters have their proper significance when words have to be spelt or spoken 'i This, observe, is not to be gainsaid. ”

“ I canna say my faither wis very superstishous, but he had great faith in Peter as his first-fit. As I hae said, he aye planted himsel’ ahint the door to listen, and if ony o’ the neebours should win to the door before Peter the lamp gaed oot in a giffy and we were a’ sound asleep.
The body looket kin ’ly at me frae the ither side o’ the fire. “ Weel, Mistress Spreull,” says he, “ I’ll alloo I wis a lucky first-fit ance. I think ye werena mony oors auld when Mysie and me gaed ben that Nairday, and among the last words yer faither said to me wis that ye had been a great blessin’ to him ”

“ Ye ’ve come, nae doot, to speer aboot the bursary.”
“ Miss Spreull,” she said, settin’ her teeth firm.
“Na, na,” says I, “I’ve got twa’r three things to say, an’ I ’ll no’ be interruptit i’ my ain hoose. I'm no’ used to flytin’; hooever, I can speak oot my mind braw an’ weel when it ’& needed. But it maunna be bark aboot i’ this hoose altho’ ye are a tanner’s wife. Ye’ve gotten yer ain vairsion o’ that bursary story, as I’ve heard tell, and ye’re welcome to’t for me; but I have mine. Maybe your wye is the ane ye wud have ta’en if ye’d been in my place ”

“ So the creator’ plucks up courage, and ae nicht, when he kent my faither wis awa at a cordiners’ meeting, he cam’ in and asked if he could see me a’ by my lane. He wis dressed in a swallow-tailed coat, and had a yellow kid glove on his left han’. He scraped and bowed like ane o’ Queen Elizabeth’s courtiers, and wis sic a comical fricht, that I could hardly contain mysel’, till I got to the kitchen, where Betty Basin, the servant-wumman, and me had oor lauch oot thegither. ”

“ It wis clear frae the notes he had written his opeenion at different times, and they showed a gradual gatherin’ o’ licht, no’ to say caution, as he advanced in years. These were his several observes on the passage that sae sairly exercised the laddie’s mind—“ A solemn and profound doctrine.” . . . “ A mysterious and kittle question that shouldna be dogmatised aboot.” Then later: “There is naething that I can see to hinder the Almichty electin’ to save a’ infants that dee young.”
Here at last wis a grain o’ comfort for the puir callant wha wis sae sair distressed aboot his infant sister. ”

“ The idea o’ a mere callant like Willie Warstle sittin’ in a cauld close, in a quiet street, for hours, wi’ a string laid oot on the fitpaith, for the express purpose o’ catchin’ a young lass by the leg, showed a depth o’ depravity that wis unco sad to think o’ in ane sae young. ”

“ I min’ the first thing she did wis to cover up the lookin’-gless, stop the nock, and pu’ doon the blinds.
“An awfu’ like thing,” she said, “ to think o’ a corp i’ the hoose an’ the blinds no doon; but, puir lass, ye ken nae better, an’ yer faither has never been used to trouble. Noo, we maun get wax caun’les, Martha; but stop, whare does yer mither keep her dresses and things ? I maun see aboot the hoose, because there ’ll be odds and en’s wantet, and it’s no’ to be expected yer faither kens whare everything lies. Men are awfu’ senseless at a time like this, Martha. ”

“ Willie,’’ quoth I, “ ye maunna fash yer thoom wi the Confession o’ Faith the noo; it’s ower deep for young callantslike you. When ye’ve maistered the Shorter Catechism, and win into the Divinity Hall, ye ’ll understand it better. ”

“ I lookit closely at them, for they were doon i' the heels, and their coats seemed as if they had got a scuff here an' there wi' a black-lead brush.
"These are puir waifs," said Maister Fleming, seeing I was takin' a gude look at them, "engaged by some sheriff-officer to deliver arrestment papers. They need twa to vouch for their delivery."
Ane o' them wis Maister Pringle!
↑ The authoress is exceedingly kind, but I feel I would be blameworthy if I the creature of a day, a man born in sin and shapen in iniquity, were to allow myself to be set up as a model of piety. Errare est humanum. ”

“ Naismith, used to say that ony wumman wha had brocht up seeven o' a faimily, as she had dune, had nae need o' ony further proof o' human depravity; an' weel-a-wat she didna require to wait on sic a great haunfu', for if she had just offered a bursary, consistin' o' bed, board, an' washin', to puir laddie students for four years, like me, an' gotten a bursar like Willie Warstle, she wud hae been able to settle the matter to her ain satisfaction in a hantle less time. ”

“ Weel, it’s a great pity, but I suppose it canna be helped. Thae professor bodies have a heap to answer for, in breeding sic notions i’ the minds o’ growing callants. My auld Sundayschule teacher, David Whammond—God rest him—wud grue in his coffin if he heard the belief noo openly proclaimed, that there is hope for the wicked beyond the grave! Still an’ on I canna gie the laddie up; Maister Fleming and I have had the
matter through hands in our cracks. ”

“ At first I couldna’ see the sense o’t ava, but the mair I think on t the mair I see the beauty o’ the word, for health is needfu’ for study, and a good diet for a growing callant lays the foundation o' a healthy constitution. ”

“ Since I hae been asked to put pen to paper, some gey droll things hae come into my head; but they maun stan' ower till again, as this chapter is nearly lang enough already. Hooever, when talking o' my student laddies, there is ae mysterious feature aboot College life that I could never satisfy mysel' upon. It is weel enough kent that students gae clean daft in the spring-time o' every third year, as reg'lar as the time comes roon. ”

“ Noo, before I gaed to the establishment, I wis warned that I shouldna tell the doctor I had been ill, as a’ I needed to set me up wis nourishing food and caller air. It wis a great muckle hoose, furnished frae bottom to top like a Sultan’s palace, but the withdrawin’ room beat a' ever I saw. The wa’s were lined wi’ great lookin’-glesses in gilt frames, an’ showed me sae mony views o’ my ain figure that I had to steal into the recess o’ a window to hide frae mysel’. There wud, maybe, be some twenty or thirty in the room—men and women. ”

“ A far better plan wud be a sliding-scale o’ fees so that a’ classes o’ the community, frae the prince to the labourer’s son, might enjoy the benefits o’ a college edication. In the earlier history o’ the college thae things were managed better,! think. Then the classes were within the reach o’ the puirest, and the fees were arranged to suit the social rank o’ the student. Sons o' the nobility and barons o’ Scotland were to pay annually at least £3. Those o’ the second rank, though well enough aff, but inferior in rank to the barons, were to pay £2 ”