Herminie Templeton

“ Lookin' wistful around, he saw me gran'father's white scared face with the big dhrops of purspuration standing on it.
“Don't be frightened, Jerry. agra,” he says, thremblin'. “There's nothing at all shupernatural about the bell. We live so far out of the worruld here that we know nothing of the wondherful inventions that are springing up among men like new grass in the meadow. I make no doubt this is one of them; an' that there's some hidden conthrivance up above in the clapper we haven't noticed, an' don't undherstand, that makes the bell ring so. ”

“ While the three thravelers were sippin' their dhrink, friendly as ye plaze, an' Tim Maylowney was relaytin' the throuble they'd had with the bell, the rid-headed hostler boy stuck a frightened white face inside the door, an', callin' Paddy Carroll over, whispered: “The coach an' horses must have sunk intil the ground. I can't find hide nor hair of thim!” he says, every flaming hair brustlin'.
Without lookin' 'round the sthranger spoke up. “Never mind thim,” he says, “I sint them on a message to the village. They'll be back for me. Glasses round, landlord, and bring us a pack of cyards. ”

“ Morrissey's clock to time the bell, bekase it was the most raynowned and rayputable clock in the whole parish.
Mrs. Morrissey was lookin' rayproachful at the clock, blaming it for being fast, and the aystounded clock was ticking as plain as plain could be. “Oh, murdher! oh, murdher! what's the matther with the infudels, why don't they go to church?” when Tim Maylowney came galloping breathless and frightened to the door.
“Out, all of yez!” he cried. “The bell's broke. Scatther among the neighbors an' warn them off to church. Ye're half an hour late.” ”

“ Howandever, whin the time for the meeting was come, and all the people, men, women an' children, were gathered in the churchyard, me gran'father, with that wisdom which the most ray-putable people say has always run in our family, walked firmly up the chapel steps and stood just below the clargyman, where, afther wavin' his hand for attintion, he cried. “Let the bell be put on Tim Maylowney's cart,” he says, “an' let me own two foine ponies, Anthony an' Clayopathra, dhraw the cart,” sez he; “that'll make things ayquil, an' there will be no ha-ard feelin's.” ”

“ Every minute of the day his conscience was a burnin' coal in me gran'father's chest, and to add aggrawaytion an' turpitation to his misery, the poor man couldn't cross a foot or crook an elbow but he'd feel me gran'mother's two suspicious eyes boring a hole in the middle of his back. ”

“ We've only now to save ourselves an' our repitaytions. Do you, Tim, me dacent lad, dhrive down at break of day to Paddy Carroll's an' warn him not to breathe a blessed worrud of what's happened. He's as bad off as we are. Wasn't it himself as had Belzebub for a customer, an' wasn't it him as let the pair of us be timpted?”
“I would go willingly,” answered Tim, “for I make no doubt the bell will begin its depredaytions foine and airly Monday mornin', an' what we've just heard will be only a flay-bite to what'll happen thin. ”

“ The fact is that Sattin on that memorable night, in rage and turpitation ag'in me laynial ansister let loose the iliments of rain and wind and tunder in a furious endayvor to disthroy the Irish nation
But so it was, and it's meself that'll be proud to relate the sarcumstance as we dhrive along.
Me gran'father, Jerry Murtaugh—the heavens be his bed!—was a carman be thrade, an' barrin' one unsignificant fault was as good a man as ever put feet into brogues. An' that same failing was no more nor less than a daycided parshality for a game of cyards ”

“ You may believe me or believe me not an' I wouldn't blame yez a thimbleful if you didn't—bekase foive hundhred men, women, and childher that day rayfused at first to believe their own ears—but it's truth I'm telling ye. Joey Hooligan had no sooner put his foot on the first round of the ladder than the bell without a hand to the rope began—not ringing, mind you but chiming. An' not exactly chimin' ayther, but playing a chune to the open eyes an' gapin' mouths of Ballinderg.
Illustration: Grandfather, Jerry Murtaugh
It was the purtiest chune ever heard. ”

“ Howandever me gran'father, bein' a just man, med it a strict rule never to play for more than sixpence a game. He had a pious feeling that to chate for more than sixpence a game wouldn't be honest.
You'll agree that there was a taste of excuse for this great fondness for cyards, bekase a carter's thrade takes him into all kinds of distant places an' laves him many a lonely night to while away. Me gran'father often druve as far as the Killinturf hills and, in thim days, the hills were a good fufty miles from the Sleive-na-mon Mountains. ”

“ As Father O'Leary listened he passed from onbelief to inkerdulity, from inkerdulity to wondher, an' from wondher to conwiction, an' thin he put three pinances for their terrible sins on Tim Maylowney and me gran'father. An' these punishments wor to last them for the rest of their natural lives. The first pinance was to give up cyard playin' complate and intirely; the next was that they should taste no sthrong dhrink save and except one noggin of punch to be dhrunk on Saturday night, aich beside his own wife and ferninst his own fireside. ”

“ Me gran'mother was surprised an' a thrifle disappinted when the good man dhrew from his breeches pocket eleven shillin's tinpence—not a shilling missing. Afther takin every penny away from the parsecuted man, what did she do but whirl in to cross-question him like a Dublin lawyer. She accused him of every crime on the calendar, in the hope that she'd at last hit on the right one.
Little sleep did me unfortunate gran'father get that night. And whin his eyes did close he was back in Paddy Carroll's public house. ”

“ This sometimes med it mighty inconvanient for the parish, bekase, such prime favorites were the two at home in Ballinderg that a neighbor'd be very loathe to give his job of carryin' to one carman lest be so doin' he'd be dayprivin' the other. So, for that rayson, whin the bell for the chapel was to be carted from Carrickthor to Ballinderg, ye may well aymagine how sore vexed an' purplexed was the whole parish to daycide whether Tim Maylowney or me gran'father was to have the honor of the job. ”

“ Women haven't the laste taste of honor about such things. But go to bed he did and at last into onaisy slumber he fell, but not for long. Before the sun had a chanst to shake his flamin' jacket above the hill, me gran'father with Anthony an' Clayopathra wor well on their way toward Paddy Carroll's public house.
Chapter V
TIM MAYLOWNEY was right in his prophesying. Bright and early Monday morning the bell began its divilment, and, of course, who should it commence on but Pether McCarthy, the most sensitive man in the County Tipperary? ”

“ So what does the good man do but call a meeting at the chapel steps for Sunday afthernoon, that he might put the question to a vote—in that way the raysponsibility 'd be on the congregaytion, d'ye see? ”

“ Howandever that throuble didn't last long, for the parish came together an' soon raised a belfry tower close beside the chapel itself.
Now, of course, aich of our two cronies wanted for himself the honor of carting the bell from Carrickthor. An' the only pay he'd ax or expect for carryin' the bell would be the credit it 'ud bring to himself and family. Some of the parish sided with me gran'father, others with Tim Maylowney, an' Father O'Leary was fairly at his wits' end to know which side to take. ”