Howard Roger Garis

“ Don't I play a game of Scotch checkers with Grandfather Goosey Gander, the old gentleman duck, nearly every day? And we always eat the sugar cookies we use for checkers."
"That's just it," said Dr. Possum, as he rolled up a sweet sugar-pill for Sammie Littletail, the mill rabbit boy; "you eat too much, and you don't jump around enough."
"But I used to," said Uncle Wiggily, while he twinkled his pink nose like a red star on a frosty night. ”

“ Around and around the elephant turned the handle of the wringer with his trunk, winding Peetie's tail right between the rollers, and drawing the little puppy dog boy himself closer and closer into the tub, over the water and nearer to the rubber rollers themselves.
"Oh, stop! Oh, stop!" cried poor Peetie trying to get away, but he could not. "If I get rolled between the rollers I'll be as flat as a pancake!" he screamed. "Oh, stop! Oh, Uncle Wiggily, save me!"
"Yes, I will!" cried the rabbit gentleman. "You must stop turning that wringer!" he said to the circus elephant. ”

“ Uncle Wiggily Longears, the nice old gentleman rabbit, was riding along in his automobile, with the turnip for a steering wheel, and he had not yet taken more than two bites out of the turnip, for it was only shortly after breakfast. With him was Mr. Caw-caw, the black crow gentleman.
"Do you think your automobile will go all right now?" asked the crow, as he looked down from his seat at the big wheels which had German sausages around for tires, so in case Old Percival, the circus dog, got hungry, he could eat one for lunch. ”

“ Just as he was going, Billie Bushytail cried out:
"Oh, Uncle Wiggily, take a Jack-o'-lantern with you and maybe Sammie will like that."
So the old gentleman rabbit took one of the pumpkin lanterns up on the seat with him, and away he went. And then, all at once, as he was going through a dark place in the woods in his auto, the wind suddenly blew out all his lanterns—all the oil lamps on the auto I mean, and right away after that a policeman dog cried out:
"Hey, there, Mr. Longears, you can't go on in your auto without a light, you know. It's against the law." ”

“ Why, at school he hardly ever knows his lessons."
"Oh, you surprise me!" said the old gentleman rabbit. "A lazy duck boy! I never heard of such a thing. Pray what is his name?"
"It's Fizzy-Whizzy," said Jimmie, who also knew the boy.
"Why, what a strange name!" exclaimed the rabbit gentleman. "Why do they call him that?"
"Because he is so fond of fizzy-izzy soda water," said Alice. "Oh, let's go along, Uncle Wiggily."
"No," said the rabbit gentleman, slowly, "if this is a lazy duck boy he should be cured. Laziness is worse than the measles or whooping cough, I think. ”

“ And, every now and then, Uncle Wiggily would take a bite out of his turnip steering wheel. That was what it was for, you see. And as for the German bologna sausages which were the tires, Uncle Wiggily used to let anybody who wanted to—such as a hungry doggie or a starving kittie—take a bite out of them whenever they wanted to.
Well, pretty soon, after a while, not so very long, Uncle Wiggily came to the top of a hill. He stopped his auto there to look around at the green fields and the apple trees in blossom, and at the little brook running along over the green, mossy stones. ”

“ I wonder who can be writing to Lulu and Alice and Jimmie?" said Uncle Wiggily, as he looked at the letters. "Well, I'll take them in the house. They look to me like party invitations; and I wonder why I didn't get one? But I suppose the young folks don't want an old rheumatic uncle around any more. Ah, well, I'm getting old—getting old," and he went slowly into the house, feeling a bit sad.
"Here are some letters for you, children," he called to Lulu and Alice and Jimmie. "The bird postman just brought them." ”

“ UNCLE WIGGILY AND THE PUMPKIN
"Well," said Uncle Wiggily Longears one fine fresh morning, just after the milkman had been around to leave some cream for the coffee, "I think I will be traveling on again, Mrs. Bushytail."
"Oh, don't go yet!" begged Billie, the boy squirrel.
"No, you haven't made us a long visit at all," spoke his brother Johnnie. "Can't you stay a long, long time?" ”

“ Possum happened to be passing, having just come from paying a visit to Grandfather Goosey Gander, who had, by mistake, eaten a shoe button with his corn meal pudding. And Dr. Possum, having cured Grandpa Goosey, went at once to help Uncle Wiggily.
"We must get you home right away, Uncle Wiggily," said the doctor gentleman. "You must be put to bed and have a trained nurse."
"Well, as long as I have to have a nurse, I should much prefer," said Uncle Wiggily, faintly, "I should much prefer a trained one to a wild one. For a trained nurse who can do tricks will be quite funny." ”

“ She had quietly jumped out of the auto. "Put on his roller skates," said the mousie, "and skate down the hill until you see a policeman dog. Then tell the policeman dog to come and arrest the bear. He'll do it, and then you'll get your auto back. You can go on roller skates even if you have rheumatism, can't you?"
"I guess so," said the rabbit. "I'll try." So he put on the skates while the burglar bear was making the auto go around in a circle in the woods, and that bear was having a good time. All at once Uncle Wiggily skated away. ”

“ And as he ate the peanuts he saw what a terrible thing he was doing, wringing Peetie instead of the clothes, so he very kindly made the wringer go backwards, and out came Peetie's tail again, a little flat, but not much hurt otherwise.
"I am so sorry," said the elephant. "I wouldn't have had it happen for the world."
"Yes, it was an accident," spoke Uncle Wiggily, "but I guess Peetie had better find some other kind of work to do after school."
"All right," said the elephant. "I'll pay him off, and then I'll get a rubbery snake to help me with my clothes. A snake won't mind being squeezed." ”

“ Let's go call on Johnnie and Billie Bushytail, the squirrel boys. Then we'll have some fun."
"All right, we'll do it," agreed Uncle Wiggily, for he liked fun as much as the children did, if not more.
Well, as they were going along the road, all of a sudden they heard a little voice calling to them.
"Oh, please don't run over me!" the voice cried. "Please be careful!" And, looking down, Sammie saw a little black cricket on the path just ahead of the auto, which Uncle Wiggily was now making go very slowly.
"Why don't you get out of the way if you don't want to be run over?" ”

“ And the little girl ate some chocolate candy for herself, and did not cry any more.
"Get in my auto," said Uncle Wiggily, "and I will give you a ride. Perhaps we may have an adventure."
"Oh, I just love adventures!" said little Cora. "I love them even better than candy. But we can eat candy in the auto anyhow," she went on, with a laugh, as she climbed up in the seat.
Then Uncle Wiggily turned the tinkerum-tankerum, and with a feather tickled the whizzicum-whazzicum to make the auto go, and it went. The old rabbit gentleman made the cow's horn blow "Moo! Moo!" ”

“ UNCLE WIGGILY AND SUSIE'S DOLL
"Well, I see you are going out for another ride in your auto," remarked Mrs. Bow Wow, the puppy dog lady, to Uncle Wiggily, one morning, after Peetie and Jackie had gone to school. "Where are you bound for now?"
"Oh, no place in particular," he said. "I just thought I would take a ride for my health."
You see the rabbit gentleman had come to pay the dog family a visit.
"I should think you'd stay in when it snows," went on the doggie lady. "You seem always to be out in a snowstorm," for it was snowing quite hard just then. ”

“ Jackie is going to deliver newspapers."
"And I'm going to get ten cents a week for it," said Jackie proudly, but not too proud.
"And I'm going to help at the clothes wringer for the circus elephant," exclaimed Peetie.
"Help at the wringer for the elephant!" cried Uncle Wiggily. "What does that mean? You startle and puzzle me."
"Why, you know the circus elephant has to dress up like a clown," went on Peetie. "And he plays a drum and a handorgan, and he fires off a cannon in the sawdust ring. And he does a lot of things like that. ”

“ Work fast!"
Outside the doll hospital Susie Littletail, the rabbit girl, and Alice and Lulu Wibblewobble, the duck girls, and all their friends were calling:
"Are our dolls mended? Are they ready for us?"
"Not yet, but soon," answered Uncle Wiggily, and then he and the monkey worked so fast! Dolls that had lost their heads had new ones put on. The doll that had spilled all her sawdust was filled up again, plump and fat. One boy soldier doll, who had lost his gun was given a new one, and a sword also. And the phonograph doll was fixed so that she could sing as well as talk. ”

“ Pretty soon they came to a little house beside the road, and in the front yard was a nice pump, where you could get a drink of water.
"I am very thirsty," said Uncle Wiggily to Jimmie. "I wonder if we could get a drink here?"
"Oh, yes," said Lulu, as she looked to see if her hair ribbon was on straight; "a duck family lives here, and they will give you all the water you want."
Right after that, before Uncle Wiggily could get out of the auto to pump some water, there came waddling out of the duckhouse a duck boy, about as big as Jimmie. ”

“ So out they went to the barn, where the auto was kept, leaving Mrs. Bushytail in the house mending stockings and getting ready to bake the pumpkin pies.
"Here we go!" cried Uncle Wiggily, when he had tickled the tinkerum-tankerum with a feather to make it sneeze.
Away went the auto, and as it rolled along on its big fat wheels Uncle Wiggily sang a funny little song, like this:
"Pumpkin pie is my delight,
I eat it morning, noon and night,
It's very good to make you grow,
That's why the boys all love it so. ”

“ You are good and smart little animal boys."
Then Peetie and Jackie ran off to do the new work they had arranged for, and Uncle Wiggily cleaned his auto ready for his ride next day. And when he had finished he thought he would take a walk down to the circus tent and see how Peetie was helping the elephant wash the clothes. As for Jackie, he had to run so fast, here and there and everywhere, to deliver his papers that Uncle Wiggily did not know where to find him, any more than Bo-peep did her sheep. ”

“ And, indeed, he was, and soon he was all well, so that Nurse Jane Fuzzy, without really meaning to at all, had done some funny tricks when she drove out that bee. Oh! trained nurses are very queer, I think, but they are very nice, also.
So Uncle Wiggily was soon well, and needed no nurse, and when his auto was mended, he could ride around in it as nicely as before. ”

“ There may be a few left that the other squirrels haven't yet picked up, and I heard papa saying to mamma the other night that we need a whole lot more than we have, so we wouldn't be hungry this winter. ”

“ Well, pretty soon, after a while, not so very long, it was supper time, and there was pumpkin pie and carrot sandwiches and lettuce salad, and things like that for Uncle Wiggily, and nut cake and nut candy and nut sandwiches for the squirrels. ”

“ And then, all of a sudden, in through the open window of her room the old skillery-scalery alligator put his long nose and he cried:
"Hair ribbons! I must have hair ribbons! Give me hair ribbons!"
And then what do you think he did? Why, he grabbed up the whole box full of Alice's lovely hair ribbons, and before she could say "scootum-scattum," if she had wanted to, that skillery-scalery alligator ran away with them in his mouth, taking his double-jointed tail with him.
"Oh!" cried Alice. "Oh! ”