Julia Ellsworth Ford

“ DWARF
Walking is such good exercise. Much better than taking a bath. Bathing is such lonely work, you know.
GIANT
Snickerty Nick, if you will unlock the door, I’ll give you the last kick. Then the kingdom will be yours.
CHILBLAINS
[Unlocking the door]
I’ve unlocked the door. Come out, come out, kick me, and give me the kingdom.
GIANT
[Tramping out furious and holding his stick high] This is what I’ll give you!
[They run. Giant chases them. They disappear behind the bushes. Chilblains steals up behind and touches the Dwarf.] ”

“ DWARF
You are disturbing my rest with that beastly noise. Go away, I want to sleep.
GIANT
Get out of my garden. Go to the North Pole, there’s where you belong. I wish you would go there and never come back again. I want flowers in my garden.
WINTER
This is nearer and more convenient. Besides we don’t like the Esquimos, they are too fat.
DWARF
You ought to know my friend Jack Sprat. He eats no fat, but his wife——
[Rolls his eyes.]
Personally I dislike fat women.
GIANT
Snickerty Nick, unlock the door. ”

“ We’ve a wonderful game for those that know how— ⁠You don’t, for you’ve never been told.
We plant little icicles neatly in rows,
So small you can’t see them, then each of us goes
And picks one and tickles the end of your nose,
Another one prickles the tips of your toes
And you run saying, Ooh! and you run saying, Ow! ⁠But it’s cold, cold, cold! ”

“ The gardens that we can’t get into are the ones we like the best, and we like this garden better than any other garden.
DWARF
When the Giant goes away I’ll let you in. I’m afraid you’ll be et up if you stay here.
LITTLE BOY
I’m not afraid.
DWARF
Don’t you see that sign? Out with you!
[Dwarf chases the Boy out of the garden. He stumbles over his easle and the sign falls down with aloud noise. As Snickerty Nick opens the gate the Giant sticks his head out of the door. The Giant is a little deaf and often holds his hand to his ear.] ”

“ DWARF
Yes, your Stoutness, I hear. Hearing may be better than seeing—sometimes—it depends on what you look at. Personally I prefer seeing, even when——
GIANT
Here, Snickerty Nick, pull off my boots. I am going to bed.
[Dwarf pulls off one boot.]
DWARF
[Looking at it quizzically]
It has always been a puzzle to me, how that old woman lived in the shoe with so many children. Very insanitary.
[As he pulls off the other boot, the Giant kicks him. He rolls over, then gets up and makes the entry in his score book.] 9,999! One more kick and the kingdom’s mine. Hurrah! ”

“ DWARF
Nick of time, for all time belongs to Snickerty Nick. No time like the present.
[Takes off his hat and bows, then runs swiftly around tn a circle.]
GIANT
What are you doing?
DWARF
Killing time. I learned to do that when I was the amanuensis of the Marquise of Magog.
GIANT
Hang up the sign and lock the gate. Don’t let anyone in. Don’t let the children play in my garden. My own garden is my own garden and I will allow nobody to play in it but myself. Do you hear? ”

“ SNICKERTY NICK
Scene I.—A flower garden covered with frost and snow. Here and there bushes covered with snow—large enough to hide children. On the right a tower with window and door. In the middle back a wall with a barred gate, through which flowers are seen blooming outside. On the step of the tower is seen the Dwarf. He has a kind quaint face. He ts painting an enormous sign.
TRESPASSERS
WILL BE
ET
DWARF
A Giant owns this garden
⁠Where the children want to play,
But the Giant hates the children
⁠And chases them away ”