Leonard Merrick

“ Orlando groaned again, and I murmured sympathy. I also reminded him that the second act must be drawing near.
"All right!" he said testily. "Listen. The monster was now my legal property—it was about the only property I did have now, but anyhow, the monster was mine. I was informed that an official licence for it would reach me in due course. Admire my next move! An average intellect might have been shattered by the sacrifices I had made for the beast; I was still brilliant. Did I send the thing to a theatre uninvited and wait six months to see it expelled? Not Orlando! ”

“ I hired a hall in Walthamstow for an afternoon. I invented two columns of Fashions for Men to pay for the hall in Walthamstow. Whipping a tired brain, I invented them—and then they fetched eighteenpence short of the rent. I posted one of the nice, clean copies of the monster to the Lord Chamberlain to read. ”

“ It sounds as rapid as filling your pipe, told like this; when you do the story you should stress the alternate ups and downs of the business: the nights when I wrote epigrams and felt like Pinero, and the mornings when I read 'em and felt like cutting my throat. ”

“ Fairfax turned out to be a plain young man with a big head, and I didn't think so much of his reading as Miss Millar seemed to do. However, he improved. She, of course, was divine, and Cameron was all right. On the whole, I was satisfied with the rehearsals—dramatically; financially they were a shock. The luncheon adjournments upset my calculations. I always had to adjourn with Cameron—though I'd rather have taken Miss Millar—and Cameron lunched extensively. If a man stands you Bollinger one day, you can't offer him Bass the next. ”

“ Pecuniarily it could harm me no more, but through my affections I was still vulnerable; the monster's most insidious injury you've yet to hear.
"I noticed during the rehearsals that Fairfax was struck with Miss Millar; and lately Miss Millar has shown an unaccountable interest in the big-headed Fairfax. I call it 'unaccountable' because Fairfax, in his proper person, can't be said to account for it. She's always saying how 'tender' he is in the part.' The part's tender! I own the man can act, but I gave him the lines to speak! ”

“ I stared at him. "My dear Orlando——" I began, but he cut me short.
"Call me 'Frankenstein'!" he groaned. "Like Frankenstein, I've constructed a monster that's destroying me. Before I created this accursed comedy I was a happy man."
"It must have been a very long while before," I said. "When I had the misfortune to share your rooms, you used to remark casually at breakfast that you wished you were dead."
"Anyone is liable to express dissatisfaction in moments ”

“ I knew that if the comedy ever caught on, I'd try to make my agent my wife.
"Well, when a production looked as far off as Klondyke, there came this offer for the piece from Cameron, who had just taken the Throne. She was as excited about it as I was.
"‘The Throne isn't quite the house I'd have chosen,' she said, 'but you'll get a beautiful cast; Cameron will take pains with the smallest detail, you'll be pleased with everything—— Oh! ”