Lettie Cook Van Derveer

“ Mrs. Morrison. “I suppose you children know lots about history. Now who can tell me the name of the first man?”
Henry. “George Washington.”
Mrs. M. “Why do you think George Washington was the first man?”
Henry. “Because he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”
Joshua. “No, Henry. You’re way off. George Washington couldn’t a’ been the first man ’cause my history-book says he married a widow; so there must a’ been another man way ahead of him.”
(Laughter from grown-ups.)
May. “You surely are well informed about Washington. How about Lincoln?” ”

“ Ira (interrupts) . “And one million, thirty-six thousand eight hundred men will put it up in a second, an’—”
Teacher. “There, that will do—that’s quite enough. I see you understand the meaning of mathematics fully.”
Curiosity (raises hand and asks) . “Please, teacher, did you ever see a stone step, or a bed spring, or a apple turn over?”
Teacher. “Curiosity Cornhusk, I want you to stop asking questions at once. Don’t you know that curiosity once killed a cat?” (Curiosity is thoughtful.) “Children, you may all take your seats.” ”

“ They got off the main road by mistake, and one of them is broken down, and the men are trying to get it fixed up. They wanted to know if there was any place near here where they could get something to eat. The one at the door says they’re ‘positively starving,’ and would be willing to pay a good round sum for anything fit to eat. You know there is no house nearer than old Mr. Dawson’s and—”
Annabel. “Don’t send ’em there, teacher; Mis’ Dawson is just doin’ her washin’ to-day, and she’ll most likely have a cold bite.”
Teacher. “That’s true—and the next place is Mr. Temple’s—”
Curiosity. ”

“ Curiosity. “No, Miss Fitzimmons, pop’s laid up with rheumatism.”
Teacher. “Dear me! What ails you all to be so stupid to-day. Joshua, have we anything in our country as wonderful as the great volcano, Mt. Vesuvius, which continually pours out smoke and molten lava?”
Joshua. “Sure—give Niagara Falls a chance, it will put the whole thing out in a minute.”
Teacher. “Very good. You may take your seats.”
(Class obey.)
Teacher. “Next is the class in General Information. Forward.”
(Advance Bessie, Geraldine, Fanny, Henry, Isaac and Ira.) ”

“ Morrison presiding over the distribution of the lunches.)
Charley (munching a sandwich) . “My, but this chicken sandwich is prime. Who brought it, anyway?”
Dennis (shyly) . “I did.”
Charley. “Your own chickens?”
Dennis. “Yes, sir.”
Charley. “I should think you’d hate to chop the heads off the poor chickens.”
Dennis. “Oh, we get around that all right.”
Charley. “How, now?”
Dennis. “Oh, we chop the chickens off.”
(The grown-ups all laugh delightedly.) ”

“ He’s worrikin’ down at the end of the back lot where the pigs is. You’ll know father ’cause he’s got a hat on.” (A burst of laughter.)
Fanny (indignantly) . “Well, I don’t see what you’re laughin’ at. The hired man’s got on a cap.” ”

“ Hair in pig-tails or curls tied with ribbons or shoestrings in all manner of fashions.)
Each has basket, bag or tin dinner-pail.
Teacher opens roll-book and proceeds to call roll.
Teacher. “Annabel Adams.”
Annabel Adams. “Present.”
Teacher. “Bessie Bolitsky.”
[4] Bessie Bolitsky. “P-r-r-esent!”
Teacher. “Curiosity Cornhusk.”
Curiosity Cornhusk. “Present.”
Teacher. “Dennis Dockerty.”
Dennis Dockerty. “Present.”
Teacher. “Etta Elephant.”
Etta Elephant (fat child) . “I’m here.”
Teacher. “Fanny Finney.”
Fanny Finney (brogue) . “Hyer.”
Teacher. “Geraldine Griggs.” ”