Mack Reynolds

“ It has been principally through his recommendations that the secret, supplementary weapons, worked upon for the past decal, were devised. Baren Darl has successfully deciphered the principal language of Earth and though listening to their radio emanations has compiled a formidable work on his findings. But of his abilities, more later.
It might be added here that Baren Darl and all his group were more than ready to proceed to Earth and begin the slaughter of its inhabitants. It seems that these investigators have for decals listened most carefully to every radio emanation possible to pick up. ”

“ Baren Darl: "We Martians offer you the friendship and the good will of a people that—"
Earthling: "Martins! Are you'uns Martins?"
Baren Darl: "That is correct. We Martians come with the greetings and—"
At this point, your Omnipotence, my account must of necessity be somewhat vague, for even after we had made good our escape back to the spacecruiser, bearing our more serious casualties with us, we were unable to agree among ourselves on just what had happened. ”

“ Obviously, the I.Q. Depressor had been worthless as far as undermining the earthling's intelligence is concerned.
Finally this alleged authority on Earthlings and upon Earth affairs flashed a look of despair at me, and at the others of us who stood around him.
"The fleas," he blurted finally, "the lepbonic plague fleas. This weapon alone might well destroy the whole population of earth. Bring the fleas."
I said coldly, "We shall see, Baren Darl." Then to one of the warriors, "Bring the fleas that carry this so deadly—so Baren Darl tells us—lepbonic plague." ”

“ I recommend, your Omnipotence, that the plans to subjugate the planet Earth be indefinitely postponed in view of the fact that our specially designed weapons proved worthless and in particular view of the abilities of Earthling warriors.
I further recommend that the unspeakable Baren Darl, who obviously frittered away his time during the decals spent on Luna supposedly studying the Earthlings, be sent to the Nairebis Salt Mines. ”

“ Lem protested.
"Son, they don't come no more simple than you," his mother told him gently. "And mind that gun. You know how you bent the barrel of Zeke's Winchester back double that time, absent-minded like." ”

“ I wish—"
(This sixth sense of some of the Earthlings had been unsuspected by Baren Darl in spite of his decals of investigation. Evidently, the Earthlings have an unusual ability to detect the presence of alien life forms. Also surprising was the fact that the Earthlings were evidently aware of our plans to conquer their planet and were already worked up to a pitch of patriotism which made them extremely anxious to destroy us.) ”

“ At any rate, knowing that we had suppressed the use of their major weapon, the fission bomb, and had prevented transportation from entering the vicinity, we proceeded toward the clearing where the Earthlings had gathered, determined to test the I.Q. Depressor, nark, and the lepbonic plague fleas, for it was upon the success of these weapons that our Earth campaign depended. ”